Sexual Assault Seeking Help and Advice after Suffering Sexual Assault

[javi]

My name is Javi and I suffered sexual assault by a very close male friend
I'm female, I just discovered this page and I loved everything about it and its members, so I'm asking for help
(english is not my first language so I'm sorry if there's certain words that don't make sense)
I'm a college student, and this year I suffered sexual assault from a male friend at a college party.
It involved unwanted kissing, touching, making me touch him and emotional and psychological distress
I'm currently taking actions to feel safe in my enviroment again. I told my friends, my boyfriend, and classmates. I spoke to college authorities in order to keep him away, and not participate in the same activities, as he is also my classmate, and I have to see him everyday, which has cause terrible anxiety and difficulty focusing in my classes.
I dont really know if it's because he was a really good friend of mine, or if it's my anxiety speaking, or years of putting myself second in order to protect or make others happy, but I'm second guessing everything I do.
I'm feeling as if reporting him, or asking for him to not be able to come to college parties (especially because it's the enviroment the assault happened) it's somehow exaggerated
I feel like my assault wasn't bad enough
It caused me pain, it caused me panic attacks, I've had to go through therapy and nightmares, I've had to tell my story over and over and over again in order to feel safe and heard, and he's done nothing, he doesn't even remember and he hasn't stopped partying or participating, instead I have been removing myself from places
I feel so angry yet so insecure about my decisions. Because I still feel it wasn’t bad enough for me to take this actions. And some people have insinuated the same, although I would say 90% of the people I've talked to support me.
I think that the fact that he doesn't remember and he agreed to stay away from me makes it harder for me to feel like my actions are necessary
But I really don't feel safe, I'm anxious everyday, and I think that the fact that it makes me feel so bad means that my trauma is valid, no one can take away the pain it caused for me, but still it kinda feels... weird
I'm afraid he will confront me, or people will think I'm exaggerating, and it surprises me because I often don't care what others think
I really dont know what to do, or what to think, and I'm asking for help

 

[Sideways]

I feel like my assault wasn't bad enough

This is a very common feeling after an assault. Sometimes, it’s easier if we imagine it happened to someone else: if the exact same thing happened to someone you care about, and they were struggling with the aftermath, would it be ‘serious enough’ to justify distress?

The question becomes a little odd. Does it matter? The distress is real. It’s not something a person does deliberately, or gets anything out of. Genuine distress is something we avoid if we can.

So, try and have some compassion for yourself. It makes sense that you’re distressed, and that this is something you haven’t been able to just brush aside. Be gentle with yourself while you take the time to heal.

I really dont know what to do, or what to think, and I'm asking for help

Have you reached out to a counsellor? If you want to get some distance between yourself and the college, perhaps try a local sexual assault support centre.

 

[Friday]

My name is Javi and I suffered sexual assault by a very close male friend
I'm female, I just discovered this page and I loved everything about it and its members, so I'm asking for help
(english is not my first language so I'm sorry if there's certain words that don't make sense)
I'm a college student, and this year I suffered sexual assault from a male friend at a college party.
It involved unwanted kissing, touching, making me touch him and emotional and psychological distress
I'm currently taking actions to feel safe in my enviroment again. I told my friends, my boyfriend, and classmates. I spoke to college authorities in order to keep him away, and not participate in the same activities, as he is also my classmate, and I have to see him everyday, which has cause terrible anxiety and difficulty focusing in my classes.
I dont really know if it's because he was a really good friend of mine, or if it's my anxiety speaking, or years of putting myself second in order to protect or make others happy, but I'm second guessing everything I do.
I'm feeling as if reporting him, or asking for him to not be able to come to college parties (especially because it's the enviroment the assault happened) it's somehow exaggerated
I feel like my assault wasn't bad enough
It caused me pain, it caused me panic attacks, I've had to go through therapy and nightmares, I've had to tell my story over and over and over again in order to feel safe and heard, and he's done nothing, he doesn't even remember and he hasn't stopped partying or participating, instead I have been removing myself from places
I feel so angry yet so insecure about my decisions. Because I still feel it wasn’t bad enough for me to take this actions. And some people have insinuated the same, although I would say 90% of the people I've talked to support me.
I think that the fact that he doesn't remember and he agreed to stay away from me makes it harder for me to feel like my actions are necessary
But I really don't feel safe, I'm anxious everyday, and I think that the fact that it makes me feel so bad means that my trauma is valid, no one can take away the pain it caused for me, but still it kinda feels... weird
I'm afraid he will confront me, or people will think I'm exaggerating, and it surprises me because I often don't care what others think
I really dont know what to do, or what to think, and I'm asking for help

A tremendous number of possibilities can result from sexual assault. PTSD, is just one of dozens. One of the more famous ones, but still… just one. Check out the resources in this thread >>> Sexual Assault - Are you wondering if you were raped? read this first.

 

[caroline_13]

My name is Javi and I suffered sexual assault by a very close male friend
I'm female, I just discovered this page and I loved everything about it and its members, so I'm asking for help
(english is not my first language so I'm sorry if there's certain words that don't make sense)
I'm a college student, and this year I suffered sexual assault from a male friend at a college party.
It involved unwanted kissing, touching, making me touch him and emotional and psychological distress
I'm currently taking actions to feel safe in my enviroment again. I told my friends, my boyfriend, and classmates. I spoke to college authorities in order to keep him away, and not participate in the same activities, as he is also my classmate, and I have to see him everyday, which has cause terrible anxiety and difficulty focusing in my classes.
I dont really know if it's because he was a really good friend of mine, or if it's my anxiety speaking, or years of putting myself second in order to protect or make others happy, but I'm second guessing everything I do.
I'm feeling as if reporting him, or asking for him to not be able to come to college parties (especially because it's the enviroment the assault happened) it's somehow exaggerated
I feel like my assault wasn't bad enough
It caused me pain, it caused me panic attacks, I've had to go through therapy and nightmares, I've had to tell my story over and over and over again in order to feel safe and heard, and he's done nothing, he doesn't even remember and he hasn't stopped partying or participating, instead I have been removing myself from places
I feel so angry yet so insecure about my decisions. Because I still feel it wasn’t bad enough for me to take this actions. And some people have insinuated the same, although I would say 90% of the people I've talked to support me.
I think that the fact that he doesn't remember and he agreed to stay away from me makes it harder for me to feel like my actions are necessary
But I really don't feel safe, I'm anxious everyday, and I think that the fact that it makes me feel so bad means that my trauma is valid, no one can take away the pain it caused for me, but still it kinda feels... weird
I'm afraid he will confront me, or people will think I'm exaggerating, and it surprises me because I often don't care what others think
I really dont know what to do, or what to think, and I'm asking for help

Congrats to you for speaking up about it. You've done so much already.

I don't know how to help you with your questions... I have been there, so all I can say there is no "wrong" in terms of how you feel and act. Try something that lets you vent your rage: I used to go to a really noisy (the waves) beach where I could SCREAM into the ocean and no one would hear. Or even journaling.