Instinct vs flashbacks

[Gs172003]

How do you know if you are being wary because your insticts are kicking in or because of a flashback? Is there a way to differentiate between the two?

 

[Kubash16]

I’m curious about this too. I’m trying to second guess gut reactions but don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by it.

 

[Sideways]

Are you able to flesh out the question a bit more?

To me, a flashback is a re-experiencing episode. I’m actually re-experiencing part of my trauma when I’m having a flashback (and usually, not much else is happening!).

Can you describe what you mean by ‘instinct’? Are we talking learned reactions, perhaps from our traumatic history? Or more instant, didn’t-even-think-about-it reactions, which are more likely our amygdala kicking in with fear-responses like fight/flight?

 

[Gs172003]

Are you able to flesh out the question a bit more?

To me, a flashback is a re-experiencing episode. I’m actually re-experiencing part of my trauma when I’m having a flashback (and usually, not much else is happening!).

Can you describe what you mean by ‘instinct’? Are we talking learned reactions, perhaps from our traumatic history? Or more instant, didn’t-even-think-about-it reactions, which are more likely our amygdala kicking in with fear-responses like fight/flight?

My daughter is getting married and it's freaking me out. I don't understand why except it resembles in some ways the way my former marriage started. She has a child I'm convinced will be hurt like they were. I don't know what to do about it.

 

[Sideways]

I don't know what to do about it.

Right. In your position, I’m guessing that would be pretty scary for me too. If I let my head wander too much, I get paranoid about my neice ending up being abused like I was.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm so bad at wording what I want to say. Sorry.

Right. In your position, I’m guessing that would be pretty scary for me too. If I let my head wander too much, I get paranoid about my neice ending up being abused like I was.

So what do I do about it? When it comes to her and this guy I've been dreading this moment. And it's here. I haven't met the guy but I know what's going to happen.

 

[Sideways]

So what do I do about it?

For me? Acknowledging where the fear is coming from is a huge help. It helps me regulate my behaviour around my neice and my sister, so that my fears don’t interfere with our relationship.

Because there’s nothing I can do about the way my sister decides to raise her child, just like there’s nothing you can do about who your daughter decides to marry. Except be there for whatever outcome (good, bad or mixed bag).

You want to be at the wedding? Give your fear space. It makes sense. You know where it comes from. It’s entirely valid. But it doesn’t need to dictate the way you behave. You just be mindful of it (“There it is again - hello fear, I get why you’re hanging around”). Coexist with it, knowing it makes sense, but isn’t going to control your choices or behaviour.

 

[Gs172003]

For me? Acknowledging where the fear is coming from is a huge help. It helps me regulate my behaviour around my neice and my sister, so that my fears don’t interfere with our relationship.

Because there’s nothing I can do about the way my sister decides to raise her child, just like there’s nothing you can do about who your daughter decides to marry. Except be there for whatever outcome (good, bad or mixed bag).

You want to be at the wedding? Give your fear space. It makes sense. You know where it comes from. It’s entirely valid. But it doesn’t need to dictate the way you behave. You just be mindful of it (“There it is again - hello fear, I get why you’re hanging around”). Coexist with it, knowing it makes sense, but isn’t going to control your choices or behaviour.

I'll try . thanks

 

[Friday]

So it’s basically wondering if “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Is because you’re accurately assessing the situation now... or mixing up the past and present, reacting to her marriage like it’s your marriage? The bad feeling isn’t about her marriage, but yours?

I haven't met the guy but I know what's going to happen.

I’d say this part right here says it’s probably not an accurate assessment.

Zillions of people with kids marry or remarry perfectly lovely people.

Unless there’s some reason not to like this guy?

 

[Gs172003]

So it’s basically wondering if “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Is because you’re accurately assessing the situation now... or mixing up the past and present, reacting to her marriage like it’s your marriage? The bad feeling isn’t about her marriage, but yours?


I’d say this part right here says it’s probably not an accurate assessment.

Zillions of people with kids marry or remarry perfectly lovely people.

Unless there’s some reason not to like this guy?

Honestly it's about the safety of my granddaughter. I know ( ok I'm convinced) that he is going to hurt her. I can't get past it.

 

[Friday]

I know ( ok I'm convinced) that he is going to hurt her. I can't get past it.

Why?

 

[Gs172003]

Why?

I don't know