I hate flashbacks

I can't do this again... I can't.... how... what did we do with flashbacks before?

I don't know how...

One minute I'm fine and the next I'm crying on the floor in my cold entryway and all I can feel is blazing heat on my skin.

All I can feel is me being 6, details of the stupid apartment, flashes of the color of the walls in different rooms, the chair I used to get up to look in the mirror because it was high. The cold concrete black and white tile of the balcony, cool in any heat. The smooth surface of the balcony side wall when I was hiding sitting on it and wondering if I'd really care if I fell. Flashes of climbing trees, listening to friends complain, but thinking I'm the worst.

Brief moments of being here and then hearing the voice. Get off the floor dumb child. Get up. I can't breathe from crying, I can't remember what is now. I keep getting these flashes. The market in the morning when the heat is tolerable. The feeling of the sun burning my skin. The sounds of train in the night. Curned toast, translated french stories for children that I haven't seen in years. My favorites were always those. Where the main heroine gets lost in some world. That one, where she went for a walk and got kidnapped by dwarfs but they took care of her in their kingdom, until she was grown enough to choose if to leave. They had saved her.

The taste of cold coke or sprite in blazing heat. Hiding in the shadow side of buildings because you're save from the heat, running, climbing, making as much trouble as I can because then it all made sense but I can't get up. I can't move. The flashes keep going and now I'm hiding in bed. Every taste. Pictures, candleholders, that one broken taped up window that never got fixed, the tree that broke in half during a storm and nobody cared to cut it down, the peeling paint of benches and gazibos, when even the air smells of heat to the point where you can't breathe but you're used to the feeling.

Get up. I drag myself. Under the covers. where it's dark and quiet and safe. I can't, I can't, I forgot how to stop this, the more I'm there the more I remember. Colors, sensations. Can't remember how being in that body felt like but I remember sensations on my skin, my hair, my nails when I scratch would just because. I don't feel here. Nothing, I did nothing, nothing happened and somehow I can't stop, why???? I was done with this and now it was like a bright blindng explosion and I need to hide....
I too have same symptoms as u mentioned and it is a huge thing to go through each day etc , especially at night or when alone with time on hand it's easier to have the PTSD symptoms come over u then when trying to relax etc and I feel like It is too much sometimes and it is,but got to find techniques to cope with it better im still trying but hopefull
 
I can't do this again... I can't.... how... what did we do with flashbacks before?

I don't know how...

One minute I'm fine and the next I'm crying on the floor in my cold entryway and all I can feel is blazing heat on my skin.

All I can feel is me being 6, details of the stupid apartment, flashes of the color of the walls in different rooms, the chair I used to get up to look in the mirror because it was high. The cold concrete black and white tile of the balcony, cool in any heat. The smooth surface of the balcony side wall when I was hiding sitting on it and wondering if I'd really care if I fell. Flashes of climbing trees, listening to friends complain, but thinking I'm the worst.

Brief moments of being here and then hearing the voice. Get off the floor dumb child. Get up. I can't breathe from crying, I can't remember what is now. I keep getting these flashes. The market in the morning when the heat is tolerable. The feeling of the sun burning my skin. The sounds of train in the night. Curned toast, translated french stories for children that I haven't seen in years. My favorites were always those. Where the main heroine gets lost in some world. That one, where she went for a walk and got kidnapped by dwarfs but they took care of her in their kingdom, until she was grown enough to choose if to leave. They had saved her.

The taste of cold coke or sprite in blazing heat. Hiding in the shadow side of buildings because you're save from the heat, running, climbing, making as much trouble as I can because then it all made sense but I can't get up. I can't move. The flashes keep going and now I'm hiding in bed. Every taste. Pictures, candleholders, that one broken taped up window that never got fixed, the tree that broke in half during a storm and nobody cared to cut it down, the peeling paint of benches and gazibos, when even the air smells of heat to the point where you can't breathe but you're used to the feeling.

Get up. I drag myself. Under the covers. where it's dark and quiet and safe. I can't, I can't, I forgot how to stop this, the more I'm there the more I remember. Colors, sensations. Can't remember how being in that body felt like but I remember sensations on my skin, my hair, my nails when I scratch would just because. I don't feel here. Nothing, I did nothing, nothing happened and somehow I can't stop, why???? I was done with this and now it was like a bright blindng explosion and I need to hide....
I get them all the time and I hate it they hit all the time i`m in a used to be brain injury program as a high functioning brain injuried now it is a nursing home or the poleticly corect term skilled nursing facility for low functioing and i`m fighting to get out so for now I hide in my room but meals
 
I get them all the time and I hate it they hit all the time i`m in a used to be brain injury program as a high functioning brain injuried now it is a nursing home or the poleticly corect term skilled nursing facility for low functioing and i`m fighting to get out so for now I hide in my room but meals
Hope you get out soon. Those facilities feel both needed but super scary to me.
I'm sorry you have flashbacks all the time, used to have them all the time at the start for few weeks and when I did therapy at first again would open things up for a bit and that was rough. My life revolved around that, I don't know how I was managing since at the time I didn't know what PTSD was even. Thought I was going crazy. Rough time. Sorry you're going through it.
 
I get them all the time and I hate it they hit all the time i`m in a used to be brain injury program as a high functioning brain injuried now it is a nursing home or the poleticly corect term skilled nursing facility for low functioing and i`m fighting to get out so for now I hide in my room but meals
I understand completely I am in the same position of the PTSD symptoms and the effects of flashbacks and the terrible and hard process of them,its a huge strain and hidden from many others in my case and the mental and physical etc pressure it puts on a person is largely unheard of to many and then we are keeping the effects inside and this is more pressure on self and life and many don't want to know or understand e.g friends, family and so we go through this alone and the PTSD symptoms start at the mental then same time the effects come on the body in vast and varied form and I am still in the first year of the diagnosis and with not much information and the coping strategies and skills to ease the symptoms I know still more may appear and it's scary but keep focused and look after yourself and look to future with controlled PTSD or without it completely.
 
Small phrases can help stave off a big one if you can remember to use them in time. It feels that way.

"Snap out of it" can pull me back from fixating on the unpleasant feeling.

"Now, NOT 'the infinite'" is another one that works for me some of the time, but that's because the phrase means something very particular to me.

Scents are another tool. Scented lotion or handcream with a pleasant but not overwhelming scent can help.

Anything to pull you back to the present moment and away from the fixation/fascination with the reliving the pain.
 
Flashback what are they to you? I have my share of Flashbacks. I lived though all of them mentally and physically. The physically has been hard because every day I have the pain and see the results. On the other hand I believe that the mentally is the most important part of making a better life. It's usually the time of day that I'm at peace in a focused state. My Doc on the first visit said to live you must accept it as you heal. I called him a number of words which leave you to think of. After all to move on you need to accept that Flashback which reminds you of your life in the past but you don't have to fear it. I learned that what is a single event can be broken down to many parts. Example my Flashback
1. The bang
2. The flash of fire
3. The pressure hitting us
4. Going back would hitting the wall
5. Flying through the air
6. Hitting the ground
7. Unknown your out
8. Coming around Unknown location
9. Waking up to understand what had happened
10. You alive
11. One buddy is the other is not
12. Why did I make it he did not
I was told to brake the Flashback down to parts. This made it easier to start understanding each part to make sense of what might of happened. If you still reading it has taken ten years for me to make sense of this Flashback by breaking down the parts talking to others. The date of this December 23, 2001. Been a very long road for me. If you are wanting to get better you must be strong and willing to face your Flashback breaking it down to build your self up a step at a time.
My your fight with the Flashback be shorter than my.
 
Back
Top