We broke up.

[Jay02]

So, this will be my last post. My boyfriend just broke up with me. He said that his doctor said this will break relationships and so he decided to just end things before it got worse.

I'm just so lost.

I can't stop crying.

 

[Kubash16]

I am so so so sorry :hug:

But I think doc stepped over the line here.


***edited to add. Yes this stuff is hell on relationships and can break them, no doubt about it. Frankly, any kind of stress can break a relationship and going through therapy and dealing with mental illness/injury are massive amounts of stress on their own. But that doesn’t mean every relationship is doomed from the start just because it’s hard. I know you are willing to put in the work, I can’t speak for him honestly. But, he should question docs judgment on this and if he doesn’t, do you really want to be with him then? Because at that point it would be more of a cop out and he’s using doc to soften the blow.

 

[Jay02]

I am so so so sorry :hug:

But I think doc stepped over the line here.


***edited to add. Yes this stuff is hell on relationships and can break them, no doubt about it. Frankly, any kind of stress can break a relationship and going through therapy and dealing with mental illness/injury are massive amounts of stress on their own. But that doesn’t mean every relationship is doomed from the start just because it’s hard. I know you are willing to put in the work, I can’t speak for him honestly. But, he should question docs judgment on this and if he doesn’t, do you really want to be with him then? Because at that point it would be more of a cop out and he’s using doc to soften the blow.

Well, he definitely didn't want to test it. He's putting himself first and he's looking out for himself. It just hurts so so much. I was even doing more research on PTSD just so I can get a better understanding. It doesn't feel real to me. He doesn't even want anyone to be there for him or to be a part of this process except for a few of his battle buddies.

We ended things on good terms though, and we're still friends but we won't be talking for a while and he knows that I'm still here for him. It just really hurts.

 

[anon1234]

Maybe you two will reconnect once he has completed treatment. The treatment route could help things. Believe me, life with someone who is not in treatment is not sustainable.

 

[Jay02]

Maybe you two will reconnect once he has completed treatment. The treatment route could help things. Believe me, life with someone who is not in treatment is not sustainable.

Yeah, maybe. He did say "we'll see." He hadn't gotten help in almost ten years, and I know this is his last resort (his words). I guess I'm at a loss right now.

 

[anon1234]

I’m involved with someone who is untreated and I don’t even know if it’s over or not at this point. Believe me, the tools he’s learning are very important for his future. I think it’s a good thing he is trying and who knows what the future will hold for the two of you. Hugs if you accept them :)

 

[anon1234]

Also, believe me if he says it’s his last resort, he is struggling perhaps more than you know. Did you ever see him symptomatic? I was shielded from it for a while and when I saw it I got a new understanding of many aspects what was going on.

 

[bellbird]

I am so so sorry @Jay02 .
I know how committed you were to this relationship so my heart is just breaking for you.

Do you have friends/family that you can be around? Sometimes it can help to not be alone in moments like this, but then sometimes being alone is just what we need. I'm sure you'll know what is best for you.

This post may be helpful for you. To know that you're not alone. Other supporters here will understand what you're going through.
My ptsd partner left me - now what?

Sending you many many virtual hugs (the best I can offer from this side of my computer screen) :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Jay02]

Also, believe me if he says it’s his last resort, he is struggling perhaps more than you know. Did you ever see him symptomatic? I was shielded from it for a while and when I saw it I got a new understanding of many aspects what was going on.

Yeah, I saw him symptomatic many times.

 

[Friday]

@Kubash16 ...it’s pretty common advice, actually. To the point that a lot of therapists won’t even start trauma therapy with you if you’re in a new relationship. The same is true of meds, jobs, housing, etc.. A lot of people rebel against the “get stable before treatment” thing... I know I did... But the thing with trauma therapy is that it’s so DE-stabilizing, that unless you shore up your life first? You’re looking at severely increased risk of suicide, job loss, homelessness, involuntary hospitalization, etc.

And then there’s also the point that when someone isn’t healthy enough to be in a relationship? Sure, a long term marriage can often weather a few bad years, but the honorable thing in in a brand spanking new relationship isn’t keeping them on the back burner for 10x longer than they’d even been dating. But to man up and say “I can’t be in a relationship right now.” and let the other person live their lives, while you get on top of your own life.

 

[EveHarrington]

@Kubash16 ...it’s pretty common advice, actually. To the point that a lot of therapists won’t even start trauma therapy with you if you’re in a new relationship. The same is true of meds, jobs, housing, etc.. A lot of people rebel against the “get stable before treatment” thing... I know I did... But the thing with trauma therapy is that it’s so DE-stabilizing, that unless you shore up your life first? You’re looking at severely increased risk of suicide, job loss, homelessness, involuntary hospitalization, etc.

And then there’s also the point that when someone isn’t healthy enough to be in a relationship? Sure, a long term marriage can often weather a few bad years, but the honorable thing in in a brand spanking new relationship isn’t keeping them on the back burner for 10x longer than they’d even been dating. But to man up and say “I can’t be in a relationship right now.” and let the other person live their lives, while you get on top of your own life.

A year long relationship is new?

 

[Kubash16]

@Friday, thank you- I can see the logic behind that. It just struck me as strange because I’ve been encouraged to date and such by my T. I also thought they’ve been together for awhile already, but I could be wrong.