Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[The Albatross]

Sadly I can relate personal experiences with this... my inlaws, now only my MIL.

 

[Freida]

oh hun....

this worries me so much for you because mold is a serious health risk -- and black mold can make you really, really sick. Kill you type of sick.

I know you will hate this so I'll just toss it out there and let you think about it.
Hoarder houses are actually a community health threat because of the rats, the toxins that spread beyond the house and the risk to first responders (think fire/ems/ambulance) so call your local health department and tell them about the situation. Ask for them to send someone to see you. They have the power to demand that your mom get the house clean or they will condemn it and she will have to move out.
It's not as mean as it sounds because the goal is to let her stay in her home so they will work with her -- but they will also give her a deadline. Sometimes that threat is what will finally get people moving.

Will she be pissed? Yep. But you will both be healthier (and alive!) so it might be worth it

 

[somerandomguy]

call your local health department and tell them about the situation. Ask for them to send someone to see you. They have the power to demand that your mom get the house clean or they will condemn it and she will have to move out.

Totally agree.

 

[littleoc]

I suddenly got really ill and had suicidal thiughts, but without my normal stops. (The, “don’t traumatize your mom and family,” the “you don’t want to die sad!! Wait until you feel better!”) I think it was triggered by a book I was reading. Highly recommend it tho, excellent book. Anyone here interested?

Anyway, it really scares me now that I’m feeling better. I talked to my therapist yesterday and when I brought up making a will in case something happened to me — to make sure my pets are taken care of without my mom having to do it (because no offense but she hasn’t been good for them in the past) — and she told me it wouldnt hurt to do it, but my OCD went crazy and said I’d HAVE to kill my self, which I didn’t say but now I’m thinking I should have. That’s not my thoughts, not sure where it’s coming from. Childhood I guess. Except back then I tried running away first.

Also, this website has been a weird challenge for me. I’ve alluded to it before but never said it outright: people who diss my mom in person usually end up on my very tiny “dislike” list. I still can’t figure out how I’m supposed to be responding to you guys, cuz you aren’t telling me to hate her, and you aren’t my dad lying to a court about her being insane, so I dunno what to do with your thoughts still and I hate English because I can’t think of any kind of appropriate sentence for this situation?

I guess “I’ll think about it” because I think about everything? People don’t use that phrase literally though, do they? Seems to mostly mean “I’m politely saying I’m not gonna so that but still acknowledging that your idea wasn’t insane, at least not to your face.”

On that note, I discovered today that I have daddy issues, and I laughed so hard it cheered me up. Seems to stem from when I was a toddler and I was learning English and talking to my dad, and he was ignoring me (was on the phone), so I talked louder and louder until he finally got angry at me and picked me up and tossed me out of the kitchen. Remembered that today while re-examining why the rabbi telling me not to be late bothered me so much, because it really was a very normal thing to say. And I remembered a bunch of other similar occasions, tried to think back to the first, finally found it. Toddler years. It’s not anything but feeling like I’m too worthless to belong to my own family. Which as a toddler was devistating.

Being a toddler was very trippy. I wish I had that same imagination now, and also the amount of ignorance on the world itself, because honestly that was awesome and I wouldn’t mind experimenting it twice (minus the inability to control my emotions, though).

So anyways. I’ll get back to y’all again. My brain is convinced it had a seizure today and I’m going to assume it did with the amount it glitched up today. Luckily I’m safe and synagogue helped a lot. I’m a little more religious than I keep letting on, probably because I’m still afraid of being called an idiot.

Happy stuff:
Synagogue celebrated our birth month! Sang us a song wishing us peace for the birthday. Also I have now been gifted two plants! Got a bonsai today!

I found a man I’ve been looking for for ten years!! He didn’t remember me, lol, but he was really happen to see me so it’s fine.

 

[littleoc]

I’m probably going to post in the main forums, but my therapist gave me homework to write a list of things we can do to solve the house. At this point I could not give less of a f*ck, but she told me I could say anything on the list at all.

So I’m going to include both move out options and house-itself options, and I suppose I’ll add “call the city to encourage cleanup, only they’ll be miraculously nice for some reason and actually help instead of say on the phone, ‘Okay, ma’am, but you do realize your mom may become homeless if we condemn the house? You may want to look at other options and call us back when you have a place to stay and somewhere else for your mom to go.’” Tired of having homeless people in my family, even in the community. Nobody cares.

That wasn’t me be snarky at you guys by the way. I literally always appreciate your advice because it means at least SOMEONE is trying to help out. I’ll add it to the list like that tho.

 

[littleoc]

I swear I’ll respond to you guys properly later. I’m having a day, might need a bit.

But quick notes: @Juso No need to go back and read everything!! I talk a lot SO I can burry posts into oblivion!! Not to make people look for them! Whenever you have time to come by, if you actually want to, just look at the last page! It’s seriously fine, literally just you giving a smiley face is enough to make me feel supported anyway. I am very low maintenance :P

@MrMoonlight Im scared of a fire too. The house is so full that I can’t think of scenario where someone WOULDN’T get trapped, and EMTs sure as f*ck couldn’t get in. Plus the fire has food from one end to the other, so that’s less than two minutes to get out... I have a plan and have had several nightmares about how to handle it now. My therapist is concerned about it and told me someone my age shouldn’t be worrying about this?

Anyway, I have a plan and just hope I can get my mom to get a fire extinguisher at least! I think I’ll be okay in the meantime. Very worried about my pets tho.

 

[somerandomguy]

I think it was triggered by a book I was reading. Highly recommend it tho, excellent book. Anyone here interested?

What book?

 

[littleoc]

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman! It’s an excellent read about a grumpy old man :D @somerandomguy

There is explicit talk of suicide and other traumas but it’s in context and done well. The book is translated but you can’t tell! It had me sobbing on like every other chapter, haha.

 

[littleoc]

There is also a movie, apparently! I haven’t seen it but I was told by several people today that it’s a great movie, too. Apparently available on Amazon for free (?????).

 

[littleoc]

Have a great night, by the way!! Hope all of you have been doing well :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have to check that out! I loved A Man Called Ove, and all the other books he wrote. I have all of the ones I could get on Kindle and Audible. What a great writer!

 

[Freida]

I still can’t figure out how I’m supposed to be responding to you guys, cuz you aren’t telling me to hate her, and you aren’t my dad lying to a court about her being insane, so I dunno what to do with your thoughts

You don't have to do anything with them. at all. You can file them in the back of your mind or ignore them or whatever works for you --- no explanations required. I think a big part of this support group is to reflect back to people the things they are saying, so they can hear it from the outside and see if it's a distorted thought or a real one. But that's a very personal thing -- and there are no right answers. I know I've gotten frustrated (for you) because of the situation you and your mom live in because I don't understand it. You do a really good job of correcting me when I overstep -- sometimes by filling in the blanks to make the story a bit more understandable for me and sometimes by just flat out telling me I have it wrong.

And that's OK because it's what you should be doing. Think of it as a good boundary exercise! :hug:

On that note, I discovered today that I have daddy issues, and I laughed so hard it cheered me up

This is why I love you! :hug: :laugh: