General Sad Beyond Belief

[2MarblesLost]

So had a horrible day yesterday. I had been told by my husband that he has discussed EVERYTHING with his counselor. BUT when she asked me to come back there to help with some stuff--I found out he had not in fact told her everything......so I was telling-apparently more than he had shared.....well he walked out (stormed would be a better description), then he left me there-60 miles from "our" home!
So I am at my Dads house. Luckily my sister came to get me. My husband has been texting me some awful things; then turn around and beg me to come home again. Then is pissed because I told my family and friends what happened.
The counselor told me I did the right thing. They had not gotten anywhere with him because he hadn't shared everything. I had shared because I was thinking it could be his meds......but he left before anything done.
I don't say that his day was any better....he was probably having like a panic attack-but.... the counselor needed this information if my husband is to get any help.

 

[Chris-duck]

I'm sorry you're both having a hard time just now.

I have PTSD so feel free to ignore if you only want supporter input, I won't be offended :)

I don't know much of your story but when you say you disclosed things, was that his trauma or how it affects him? I'd be uncomfy with the how it affects me part if one of my supporters said what I hadn't but tbh I think I'd really freak out if I had to listen to someone explain my trauma that I hadn't disclosed to my counsellor.

I can't comment on whether you should or shouldn't have cos I dunno enough of the story, just I hope things settle for you both soon.

 

[Kubash16]

He should have manned up and had a detailed discussion with you prior to counseling about what the counselor knows and doesn’t know. Also, like Chrissy said- I would, personally, be downright pissed if someone started sharing what I wasn’t ready to or if they talked about me and my issues with someone else and especially with me right there. I would be so embarrassed.

But, he should have discussed that with you. He didn’t so he has just as much blame and needs to get over himself and do it differently next time.

Also, was this couples counseling or were you sitting in on his individual?

Because if it was his individual, were you sharing everything just to “tell” on him in a way or was the T asking questions that you just answered directly and honestly? Because I know of people who think they are being helpful by just straight up talking while I sit there and that is one of the most uncomfortable, exposing, demeaning things. I feel like a little kid whose parents are deciding “what’s best”. I’m not at all saying you did that or that you even would, but if that was the case I probably would have had the same reaction or worse.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I don’t care what was said... you don’t abandon your spouse 60 miles from home with no ride because you’re having a hissy fit. That’s a no-go.

 

[OrangeJulius]

He has every right to be upset if you shared something he hadnt yet.... but not if you were under the impression the counselor knew everything because that's what he told you. And then to leave you there, that far from home because of a mistake you made solely because of the information he gave you. Not ok. At all. Sorry this was his reaction. I hate finding myself in no-win situations with my sufferer. Sorry both of you are struggling right now! Hugs.

 

[jgal]

I understand you probably feel hurt by your husband's abandonment of you, especially when you were only trying to help him and didn't even know you were divulging information to his therapist that he hadn't shared. There are times when I have told people I know things about my husband in an effort to help him in which he has reacted in a similar way because he felt betrayed that I talked about him.

Granted he never left me anywhere that far from home, but he had the same attitude which was a reaction to being hurt by me. Three simple phrases have gone a long way to work wonders in my marriage when I've been the first to say them and they are: I'm sorry...I was wrong...please forgive me. My husband usually apologizes too when I approach him this way, but sometimes he doesn't at least not right away and that's ok. At least I've done my part. I have to really forgive him though.

I hope the two of you can work this out. I'll be praying for you and I hope you will both stick with the counseling even though it may be tough.

 

[Freida]

That wasn't ptsd. That was the adult version of a two year old throwing a temper tanturm.
If you started talking about something he wasn't ready to share all he had to say was "I'm not ready to share that." Simple. Especially if he told you that she knew everything already

Letting you talk and then having a tantrum and abandoning you 60 miles from home?
Totally unacceptable.
That's not ptsd.
That's him being an asshole.

 

[dulcia]

Then is pissed because I told my family and friends what happened.

This is what stood out to me. Embarrassed by his own behavior, maybe? Which would mean he knows he was in the wrong....

 

[Friday]

Then is pissed because I told my family and friends what happened.

Totally agree with @dulcia here

What were you supposed to do when phoning for help? Claim that you travelled by the power of your mind but ran out of spinach/kryptonite/rainbows/etc. and have ended up stranded 60 miles from home???

Boyo is f*cking up.

Lies to you, about what he’s told whom, and then gets mad at you for believing him & acting accordingly?
Leaves you stranded, and then blames you for getting a ride?

WTFO? Needs to pull his head out of his ass.