Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[freebird]

So sorry to hear that. Have you ever tried a hot foot bath? Its not in the shower, you can do it anywhere in the house. Just boil some water, pour it in a little in a bucket or big bowl, add some cool water to make your best temperature, and when it starts to get cold, just pour a little of the boiled hot water at a time. Don't need soap if you don't want, just focus on the warmth. It's very soothing.

 

[Freida]

sooooo I couldn't make it past cockroaches because I have an insane hatred of them :laugh:

I think sometimes a trigger is there to help us figure out what is causing it - not the other way around. So if you are triggered and can't figure out why think about what were you doing saying, thinking, just before it happened? Maybe it's a variation of an old one, maybe its a new one coming up. But you have good coping skills now, so you can pick it apart once you are calm and see what it's about.
And yes you do too have good coping skill! :hug:

 

[littleoc]

@Freida Are you suuure??

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/PeacefulInfatuatedBuck-size_restricted.gif
(Don’t be worried, I wouldn’t give you a gross gif ?)

Love that movie.

 

[littleoc]

So sorry to hear that. Have you ever tried a hot foot bath? Its not in the shower, you can do it anywhere in the house. Just boil some water, pour it in a little in a bucket or big bowl, add some cool water to make your best temperature, and when it starts to get cold, just pour a little of the boiled hot water at a time. Don't need soap if you don't want, just focus on the warmth. It's very soothing.

I was prescribed this!!! I called a doctor to say I lost my health insurance and she blurted, “CHILL I’ve got the perfect thing.” Haha. Ingrown toetail. Those suck. So my mom got me a white tub and the salts (Mom got me a fancy mint one and told me to chill, so I got two “chills” that day) and after following the doctor’s advice I ended up not needing to use more than fifteen bucks — except I didn’t actually pay for anything. Haha.

Anyway, that’s just to say that you’re right, that WAS really relaxing, and I could try that. It probably would replace my need of a shower, but at least people view me as clean, I guess.

And thanks for the confidence boost, @Freida :) Coping skills are nice. Watched some cartoons :D Seems good! Except I watched them until... late. I’ll do better. I’m sure I could set a limit on episodes or something.

I’ve had what I thought was a migraine today — but I found out my shoulders and neck and even my face were so tense that it was hurting. Explains why it was on both sides of my head. Made a joke about lockjaw to my doggo, who immediately stood up and went to bed.

She has started going TO the mailbox I’m afraid of for some reason. My not-logical side wants to joke that she’s trying to tell me to get over it. My logical side knows that dogs don’t think that way and probably the loose dog peed there and Nestle wants to sniff it. Either way, it’s very inconvenient. (Loose dog is no longer loose.)


Hope you’re all doing well today :hug:

 

[bellbird]

sooooo I couldn't make it past cockroaches because I have an insane hatred of them

You and me both @Freida !!! With a passion :laugh:

@littleoc you continue to floor me with your total compassion for all the little and big beasties of this earth.

She has started going TO the mailbox I’m afraid of for some reason. My not-logical side wants to joke that she’s trying to tell me to get over it. My logical side knows that dogs don’t think that way and probably the loose dog peed there and Nestle wants to sniff it. Either way, it’s very inconvenient. (Loose dog is no longer loose.)

Argh. C'mon Noofle.

Hope you’re all doing well today :hug:

Back at you, chicka.
? trophy for your resilience, too ?

 

[littleoc]

@littleoc you continue to floor me with your total compassion for all the little and big beasties of this earth.

Thank you!

I used to have a pet Madagascar hissing cockroach. Well, two, actually, a ladyhiss and a gentlehiss. The female wasn’t too interested in being friends, too scared I think. The male was quickly named Hissy (the lady was Hissette) and he was the size of my hand and had big ole horns!! He loved exploring. Loved that dude.

He lost interest in being friends with me after my dad put him with the female against my wishes ? He wanted to feed them to the tokays that he couldn’t take care of. They were TERRIFIED of the roaches though! So then my dad was literally stuck with over 500 lil babies that 10-year-old me wouldn’t let him kill :laugh: Luckily they never escaped. Would’ve been hard to round them up, plus they wouldn’t have survived winter without me feeding them.

Roaches have had a place in my heart ever since I met Hissy.

There’s a native species of cockroach in Tennessee that are afraid of humans and houses, not like the European ones that adapted to live with humans. The only time I even had one “invade” was when I built a small house of mud and rock (with a thatched roof and everything) for an anthill that my brothers kept stepping on. One day I was doing maintenance on the tiny house’s roof (because the ants kept getting through it so surely it wasn’t waterproof D: ) and I saw that a native cockroach had squeezed in to avoid the sunlight. It was a hot day. The native roaches are sooooo shiny and beautiful. I won’t post a picture though, I don’t plan on freaking anyone out :laugh:

 

[littleoc]

I’m just posting to say I’m in a good mood today :)

Showed my current favorite movie to my sister and mother. Feared they’d judge me, but they didn’t!

Also I talked to the head musician at the synagogue and found out that she’s not only known my grandparents for forty years and recorded with them, but she was a student of my grandfather! That blew my mind. He’s super picky, I hear — gets impatient quickly! That’s what he told my lil bro when my lil bro started studying musical education ? Cool stuff. Plus she looked really excited to hear that my grandparents said hi. Seeing happy people makes me happy. I dunno why. But it made all the other thoughts of today that werent as cool go away. :)

 

[littleoc]

In other news, I drank alcohol without thinking about it. Which I think is okay but it was less than a serving, but I didn’t actually know for sure if it was safe for me to drink rum, so I probably should’ve done that at home before being out in public. I don’t want to have to make people out here have to call an emergency contact or EMTs or something if I accidentally drink the mystery alcohol I’m allergic to. (????) But! I had like five sips so it probably doesn’t matter.

I just need to make sure I keep the amount down so that when I find the ones I am sensitive to, I don’t end up scaring people on accident! My mother told me that if I find the wines that cause our family debilitating headaches, I can just call her and she’d come get me. So I have a plan for that. But I don’t want a debilitating headache so I’ve been ultra suspicious of all the wines. I know cheap wines are safe for some reason! So that’s nice! Just not within two hours of taking Prazosin, I’ve learned. My liver won’t metabolize the alcohol if I do that. I’d definitely sleep very badly and that would mess with me a loooot.

None of that is particularly important, just something I’m noting down. :) I don’t want to note down anything else that happened today — the alcohol thing is very very minor but not weird to bring up.

Brandi had banned me from drinking it because it was “stupid” and I “wouldn’t be able to control myself.” She didn’t drink either. Said she needed to be in control 100% of the time. Weird, since she wasn’t even religious! And wasn’t suggesting it to be kind about my health, lol. Luckily I didn’t really care, because I just wasn’t interested in drinking. Good times. Lol. (She also banned me from talking to my dad. It was actually very annoying.)

I hope y’all are having an excellent day :)

 

[MrMoonlight]

I guess alcohol can smoothe things a little. I know you will be careful, please don't take unnecessary risks, we have enough on our plates. lol How are you feeling @littleoc ? I really care and worry about you.

 

[littleoc]

@MrMoonlight You are one of the best people ever :hug: I will be careful! The last thing I want anyone to do is worry about me. No worries! And I really care about you too — are you doing well? :hug:

I’m doing fine :) I keep suddenly getting shy for some reason. Also I finally started being able to talk to my mom normally again. I helped her fill a piñata that was intended for my little brother on his ninth birthday, but my dad got jealous of him and refused to let him have it. My mom and I found crappy old candy in it that my little brother doesn’t even like. My dad sucks. Anyway, my mom bought candy my brother DOES like and some silly toys and put them in the piñata, and she’s going to mail the piñata to him for his 23rd birthday!

But then my sibling (going to not mention which one on purpose) sent me a text at two/three in the morning (and he’s an hour ahead of me right now) saying something was really bothering him and he wanted to talk. Then told me he thinks he’s a sociopath. It broke my heart. This guy is one of the sweetest guys I know. Bit of a temper, yeah, but I’ve learned this is REALLY normal, not just for men with depression but also for people who have gone through trauma. Anyway, I think I mostly talked him out if it, and he thanked me. I hope what I told him sticks somewhere in his mind and he finds a good therapist who can see that he’s not everything that’s wrong in the world, like our dad and everyone else told him. He’s definitely not a sociopath, and the reasons he gave me were normal things people have issues with sometimes, like feeling distant from his wife. You can’t love someone 5000% every second of the day, you know? It’s an unrealistic expectation.

But besides all that, I’m feeling okay! Lots of stuff happening, but the present moment is okay. I have a bed and a room out of the cold. It’s enough for now.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm relieved to hear that @littleoc , you have such strength. I'm sorry your dad is like and that you overcame and refilled the pinata. I understand being shy, wonder if there is a trigger around that. I'm so happy you are doing well littleoc. :hug:

Hopefully your sibling can find good counseling. So important to wellness.

 

[littleoc]

I understand being shy, wonder if there is a trigger around that.

I think there may be. Or, at the very least, some kind of negative core belief. Luckily people don't seem to mind much if I take a few days to myself. :) Sometimes you have to recharge a little!

Hopefully your sibling can find good counseling. So important to wellness.

I agree -- he gave me hope that he will! He said he wasn't convinced that everything I said was right completely, so he'd consider a therapist for that professional opinion. So that's amazing!!!

Dude cries at this picture almost every time hes sees it. From the cuteness. He can't be evil :p https://cdn.geekwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/lul_bub-loves-science.png