Accepting arousal symptoms during EMDR?

[InsertCoinsHere]

I had a good direct conversation today with my T, we spoke about how she has noticed (as have I tbh) that ‘arousal’ is getting in the way of treatment. I consciously suppress the emotions or avoid the feelings as soon they manifest, I therefore remain frozen and looping. The traumatic memories that are being worked on during EMDR stem from CSA. I feel I will be able to work with the shame and accept that these emotions and the erotic feelings are part of treatment.

I can work with these deeply uncomfortable feelings within the presence of a T however I am concerned about physiological arousal (I’m a Male) that could be quite embarrassing, I may or may not get an erection during EMDR.

Have any members felt aroused during EMDR or even therapy in general? How did you manage it so you didn’t fall into a shame spiral? Or abort the treatment due to it’s embarrassing nature. It’s a very difficult thing to process while in the presence of another.

Any insights during your own treatment regarding this matter would be helpful. Thank you.

 

[Friday]

Or abort the treatment due to it’s embarrassing nature.

I’d question whether the embarrassment itself is CSA related / core belief stuff.

No CSA here, & no embarassment here about arousal -male or female- whatsoever. I’ve lived and worked with men most of my adult life, and then parented boys. Erections are just part of life. From morning wood, to “a hot babe out jogging”, to certain kinds of injuries (although throckmorton is a myth, when people are in severe pain that flood of chemicals will pop a boner more often than not, and really severe pain people -of both sexes- are often orgasming even as they’re pissing/shitting themselves, puking, & begging to die; the whole physiological system goes haywire in severe pain), or in the case of teenage boys ‘it appears to be 3:13pm ...time to chub!’ but teeenagers are more adept at camouflage... toddler boys are reaching into their drawers shouting at the top of their lungs -When you’re telling them Yo. Dude. Hands outta your pants- “My PENIS is STUCK to my BALLS’ (or in any other position, but regardless of what position it’s in every guy in earshot? Sort of freezes, then does the little shrug/head nod. Yeah, kid. That happens.).

Guys get sprung. To various degrees. All day long. If you work with men in close quarters? Or are raising boys? You quit even noticing, much less caring, very early on. Even when they’re deliberately showing off or griping (I gather it’s quite difficult to pee in the morning), much less when they’re being halfway discreet about it.

I would be profoundly surprised if your T thinks twice about it.

 

[somerandomguy]

Agreed with Friday. It shouldn't be an issue for your T at all - it's only an issue as far as it's an issue for you personally.

Sad to say my own abuse has many sexual elements that I could potentially find incredibly embarrassing, and I have been addressing a multitude of them in my own EMDR sessions. But I feel like my T is there to do a job I've hired her for. I expect professionalism from her, and in return I will do the absolute limit of my ability to work on getting better. If that means dealing with embarrassing sex crap, well, I want to get better and dealing with that is what's going to make me get better.

You may want to work on the shame piece before or in concert with the EMDR. I'm glad I spent a year talking about those kinds of things before starting the EMDR. I covered shame and managed to really get over it, and it's been really helpful while tackling these things that I used to feel so ashamed of.

 

[Karolina12]

You may want to work on the shame piece before or in concert with the EMDR. I'm glad I spent a year talking about those kinds of things before starting the EMDR.

This is what I was thinking. It didn’t work for me to go after things too directly. So we trigger a body sensation or feeling and process that only. Can you think about what you posted above to trigger the shame and then process that with EMDR?

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

@Friday Thank you, that’s so helpful for me to hear of how sexuality isn’t such an issue... to hear how normalised it is for others reassures me that I can heal this and that I don’t have to hold this toxic shame in secret.

@somerandomguy Very true, a professional that works particularly with trauma isn’t going to be bothered by this. I feel I can allow myself to process these feelings in order to heal and I can manage any reaction it brings up. I will have to be very aware of self destructive/punishment behaviour as a result of potential feelings of humiliation, discerning past and present emotional states will be key to ground and reorient myself to a safe and healthy present.

We have been working on shame pieces however it appears I’m at a bit of a turning point, my body won’t process further shame without going into the arousal state... that state seems to hold the vast majority of shame and freeze. I hope by gradually becoming more comfortable and accepting that it’s okay to feel strong arousal emotions and sensations that I can move through it and process.

@Karolina12 I think what triggers the shame is that I’m doing emdr in front of the T, the target emotions or memory will eventually lead to feelings of intense arousal, I feel embarrassed that it’s obvious what I am feeling (I then feel ‘this is wrong and that I’m disgusting to be feeling this way - it’s inappropriate and the person may be judgemental of me’). I also fear my own sexuality, that it may get out of control (I’m avoidant of potentially having an orgasm in the session) - This may not happen but I would feel so ashamed if it did... so I avoid the possibility before it’s potential outcome.

I feel I’m going to try letting go in my next session and just letting the process take it’s course, I will put trust in my T that she won’t overtly shame me... the biggest threat to be managed is me not shaming myself or projecting and feeling she is shaming me.

 

[grit]

This post has triggered me in some unexpected way. I read it few times and I was not sure why I was attracted to it. Finally I got it today.
One of the area that got damaged in my violent and deranged childhood that find most adults have it automatically or organically because they learned is this: the weird feeling (whether conscious or not) that others can see what is in your head. It is this weird thing that the only way I can describe is thinking the therapist knows what I think during transference and I get angry when he or she does not get I am angry. It is like I am a baby all over and my mother is not reading my mind.

The therapist does not know you are turned on. Only you know and accepting is part of the issues you can bring up in language to the therapist. It seems easy but I struggle with this mind reading business for a long time.

good luck. Just even acknowledging this already is a progress in my book.