Meeting new therapist tomorrow

[Sinner]

I am meeting my new therapist for the first time tomorrow. Talked once on phone. Extremely nervous. It's been over two years since I tried to address the PTSD. The last therapist suggested that the perpotrators actually did me a favor by making me such a tough person. The abuse started when I was very little. That therapist made me angry and it hurt me. Left me confused and I stuffed it all again. So frightened. I'm afraid I will slide off into an abyss of some kind. I don't feel strong enough to fight these monsters. Panicking a little.
Want to stop going to the porn to pacify and give me ease. I'm drawn even more. Makes me feel like I am as bad as those who hurt me. I hate myself for craving. Why do I crave what is discusting to me. I hurt.

 

[somerandomguy]

The last therapist suggested that the perpotrators actually did me a favor by making me such a tough person.

Jesus. Maybe there are better ways outside of abuse to make a kid tough. Maybe kids shouldn't even actually BE toughened up.

It's totally normal for your sexuality to feel messed up after abuse. Let me say it again: what you're feeling is completely NORMAL. It's not your fault and you are not a bad person. A GOOD therapist will help you make some sense out of it and help you learn to love yourself.

You can do this, even if it seems hopeless right now. We're all here with you.

 

[Sinner]

Jesus. Maybe there are better ways outside of abuse to make a kid tough. Maybe kids shouldn't even actually BE toughened up.

It's totally normal for your sexuality to feel messed up after abuse. Let me say it again: what you're feeling is completely NORMAL. It's not your fault and you are not a bad person. A GOOD therapist will help you make some sense out of it and help you learn to love yourself.

You can do this, even if it seems hopeless right now. We're all here with you.

Thanks. Just found out my home was broken into again. Twice this week. Cops can't seem to catch them. I'm so numb. 7 times now. I'm getting so I don't ever want to leave home.

 

[Friday]

Just found out my home was broken into again. Twice this week. Cops can't seem to catch them. I'm so numb. 7 times now. I'm getting so I don't ever want to leave home.

Cha. I feel ya. My home was broken into 2-3 times a week for a couple years. Mostly they just smashed things & destroyed stuff, but when there wasn’t much left they just made messes and left nasty surprises (pissing on the beds, turning all the water on, unplugging the fridge, putting broken glass in the cereal boxes, dumping flour all over the floor, draino/liquid plumber in the milk cartons, shitting in shoes, spray painting cheerful slogans on the walls).

We knew who was doing it, but it’s illegal to film people without their consent in my state (even during the commission of a crime) so we could never prove it. Even if you put signs up, which gets around that, all someone has to do is remove the sign & wait 10 minutes. Voila merde.

After awhile it simply turns into an expectation, and you grow numb to it.

Doesn’t mean I didn’t sleep on the stairs with a shotgun, though.

 

[Wendell_R]

Good luck with the therapist meeting! We'll be here.

 

[Sinner]

Cha. I feel ya. My home was broken into 2-3 times a week for a couple years. Mostly they just smashed things & destroyed stuff, but when there wasn’t much left they just made messes and left nasty surprises (pissing on the beds, turning all the water on, unplugging the fridge, putting broken glass in the cereal boxes, dumping flour all over the floor, draino/liquid plumber in the milk cartons, shitting in shoes, spray painting cheerful slogans on the walls).

We knew who was doing it, but it’s illegal to film people without their consent in my state (even during the commission of a crime) so we could never prove it. Even if you put signs up, which gets around that, all someone has to do is remove the sign & wait 10 minutes. Voila merde.

After awhile it simply turns into an expectation, and you grow numb to it.

Doesn’t mean I didn’t sleep on the stairs with a shotgun, though.

My God! How do people get away with this kind of stuff. I am going to start checking the premises at odd times. I'm almost afraid of what I'll do if I catch them.

 

[feixapreta]

Hey! We are all sinners. We all struggle with things that aren't good for us. Therapy can help. Also seeing a pastor or mentor can be helpful as well. I've use all three and they are very helpful. The good news is that there is healing!

 

[Sinner]

Well, Finally know what kind of therapy my therapist is using with me. "Cognitive Processing Therapy". Whatever that is? Is it any good? Will it fix me?

 

[Wendell_R]

"Cognitive Processing Therapy". Whatever that is? Is it any good?

This is one of several common therapies for PTSD and it makes sense to try this out. In a nutshell, if you learn to think about your trauma differently, you will also feel different. Is it any good? Yes, but that doesn't mean it works for everybody.

Will it fix me?

Nope. You'll learn to fix yourself, and take pride that you learned to fix yourself with the support and guidance of others.

Good luck!

 

[Sinner]

This is one of several common therapies for PTSD and it makes sense to try this out. In a nutshell, if you learn to think about your trauma differently, you will also feel different. Is it any good? Yes, but that doesn't mean it works for everybody.


Nope. You'll learn to fix yourself, and take pride that you learned to fix yourself with the support and guidance of others.

Good luck!

Thank you. As usual your reply is appreciated and insightful. I'm excited and scared.

 

[Wendell_R]

I'm excited and scared.

That sounds like you are ready to work at it!

 

[Sinner]

That sounds like you are ready to work at it!

Yes! I'm ready. I've been so depressed I haven't been taking care of myself. Use to shower twice a day, maticulous grooming. I am ashamed to say that it's all I can do to shower once or twice a day. I want to get better, start my life over. Maybe even reinvent myself and career.