When the therapist is too busy but the staff is not...

[whatamidoinghere19]

...peculiar and ugly things can happen. I lost a potential new therapist because of what her receptionist did. I have also seen this problem in other therapist's offices. The receptionist is hired for being friendly and accommodating and collecting paperwork. BUT often the client doesn't see the therapist the first time. and while the client is expecting a welcome from the new therapist, she instead has to fill out voluminous paperwork and usually that's it. But that shouldn't be "it".

And I ask WHY? How good can a therapist be if you don't even know who she or even what she looks or SOUNDS like BEFORE we get to commit ourselves to a relationship with them? Who would ever hire a contractor they hadn't even MET?

And so because I was in crisis and didn't want to wait, I came in, only to be handed the paper. My thought was NOW WHAT? And I just assumed the therapist would come out and bring me in. But instead I got to chat with the receptionist. And I chatted and chatted and chatted. She was a nice girl.

She "diagnosed" me as a "CODEPENDENT". So immediately I saw that she read Psychology Today and maybe even Readers Digest. But I happen to know that receptionists can't talk to therapy clients like that, any more than certified "counselors" or even masters level psychologists can "diagnose" anyone. It's illegal. Its terribly unethical. It suggests that the experience of therapy is a game anyone can play and anyone can play "therapist" if someone gives then the space to do it. And it suggests that people should be flinging around on one another... all kinds of pejorative labels...maybe because psychology is so "accepted" these days. But hurting people who you trusted to help...is NEVER EVER ACCEPTABLE TO ME

So I went home and called the office and told the therapist's machine that the "friend" (in my case) would have to initiate this three- way therapeutic relationship. I said that to drive home the fact that there is NO CODEPENDENCY in this situation and that it is insulting to throw a word like that around when no one wants to know what's really happening. I obviously can't talk here about what really is happening but guaranteed there is no co- dependency. I am here with this guy to share the house and find useful householder-ship-type things to do, and live a nice life if possible. I knew this guy in an earlier era in our lives and I came here for shelter after I lost my home 14 years ago and because I once knew this guy and because I knew he was alone in this house and could use some help.

But we are not a couple. We don't have sex or even touch. He depends on NO ONE, and I know I can't depend on him for anything but clearly material help, eg: food etc... He has a much better income than myself. I can't afford to rent my own place. I have never succeeded on any level in the job market and I work with that the bast I can with no self pity.

But he is emotionally stunted and unable to support me as a whole person, or even chat in a normal way. The thing always get cut off because he can't listen. He has a need to obliterate my very presence to say his piece and it is always completely unrelated to what I said...and often there is just NO point to it, except I feel HIS need to cut me off. The isolation and futility this causes me is often just unbearable!!

But I still think we could live here together in harmony with the right kind of communication guidance and precedent from the literature. The main difficulty here is in meaningful communication and it seems NO THERAPIST has a clue how to help when the communication breakdown is based on profound but different developmental issues with each of us. In fact I have read so much of the literature already that sometimes I think I could train the therapist how to do it.

And so I asked my friend to call the therapist but the therapist did NOT give him an appointment.

Then the friend and I had another breakdown encounter. He did not want to call for an appointment then either. And it seems as though I myself am finished with that place.

So my question to this audience is then this:

Who do you think fired whom? And why did it happen? And how could this have shaken out more professionally and helpfully?

Any other helpful remarks might also be welcome.

I am afraid I am beyond the pale in connecting to anyone.

And I am apologizing for this heavy handed rant in my first post. But I still wanted to reach out..somehow.

All other avenues have seemingly been closed to me. Thank you all for listening ;=)

 

[Friday]

And I ask WHY? How good can a therapist be if you don't even know who she or even what she looks or SOUNDS like BEFORE we get to commit ourselves to a relationship with them? Who would ever hire a contractor they hadn't even MET?

BUT often the client doesn't see the therapist the first time. and while the client is expecting a welcome from the new therapist, she instead has to fill out voluminous paperwork and usually that's it.

Out of curiosity, what country are you in?

Because I’m in the US, and have been hiring therapists for over 25 years (sometimes as often as twice a year, because I’ve spent the greater part of my life traveling/moving) and I’ve never had that experience.

- I compile a list of potential therapists via research (avg 5-25)*
- I have phone interviews with all/most of them
- I compile a shortlist from the most exciting candidates from my phone interviews (2-10)
- I book interview appointments from my shortlist
- I either start working with someone, or start over my batch search (5-25)

So I’ve always at least spoken to the person twice, and have often met with them at least once, before I’m filling out intake forms... much less committing to working with them.

The VA & NHS, clearly don’t allow that kind of process since a person is simply assigned a therapist, but it sounds like where you are you have at least some degree of choice available to you?

* When I was almost exclusively hiring ADHD therapists my numbers were quite small. 5 phone interviews, a couple in person interviews, and voila! Had the durn thing down to an art form. Trauma therapy has been far more difficult, since it’s a much smaller sub-field, and people further specialize in types of trauma, and my trauma history isn’t common in my region. :wtf: So it’s been a bit of a slog.

 

[EveHarrington]

I was about to ask the same thing, what country are you in? I’ve been in therapy since I was 8ish and I’ve always been able to see my new therapist on the first visit. (I’m in the USA.)

 

[Fadeaway]

It is a GOOD thing this therapist wouldn't schedule an appointment with the both of you. It is unethical for a personal therapist to do relationship counseling. Your therapist would be biased and it get very very bad. I was severely damaged by my last therapist who seriously broke confidence in that regard amongst other things.

The receptionist overstepped big time, but they didn't diagnosis you, as you said they can't. The receptionist gave her unwarrented opinion but it holds zero weight at all. Her opinion is about as vaild as if I tried to diagnosis you with rabies.

 

[whatamidoinghere19]

I was about to ask the same thing, what country are you in? I’ve been in therapy since I was 8ish and I’ve always been able to see my new therapist on the first visit. (I’m in the USA.)

I 'm the good old US of A, OK to be specific.

 

[Fadeaway]

I forgot to mention I have experanced both scenarios. I was dumbfounded but not being able to have more control over who I saw in my current location. In the 4 states I have lived in a relatively short time frame, I was shocked by my current state. It was finally explained to me it is a state law governing those who are on medicare with supplemental Medicaid. One or the other? I would have more input. So this does happen, and I still can't adjust to the concept.

 

[Sideways]

Who do you think fired whom? And why did it happen? And how could this have shaken out more professionally and helpfully?

It doesn’t sound like anyone got hired in the first place, so no one got fired.

I’m having trouble following what you’ve written, but from what I understand: you went to the therapist’s office and were given paperwork (normal for new clients). When the receptionist overstepped with her opinion, you left.

When you got home, you called the clinic and said that your friend would have to call to make the (first?) appointment, but that appointment never happened.

It’s not clear to me that anyone was fired, since it sounds like this therapist did not take you on as a patient.

Perhaps try someone else, and if you and your friend intend to go to appointments together? You should absolutely make that clear from the outset.

 

[whatamidoinghere19]

It doesn’t sound like anyone got hired in the first place, so no one got fired.

I’m having trouble following what you’ve written, but from what I understand: you went to the therapist’s office and were given paperwork (normal for new clients). When the receptionist overstepped with her opinion, you left.

When you got home, you called the clinic and said that your friend would have to call to make the (first?) appointment, but that appointment never happened.

It’s not clear to me that anyone was fired, since it sounds like this therapist did not take you on as a patient.

Perhaps try someone else, and if you and your friend intend to go to appointments together? You should absolutely make that clear from the outset.

actually I did mention that beforehand without harping on it. OK your advice is sound and I guess I will keep looking. TY...

It is a GOOD thing this therapist wouldn't schedule an appointment with the both of you. It is unethical for a personal therapist to do relationship counseling. Your therapist would be biased and it get very very bad. I was severely damaged by my last therapist who seriously broke confidence in that regard amongst other things.

The receptionist overstepped big time, but they didn't diagnosis you, as you said they can't. The receptionist gave her unwarrented opinion but it holds zero weight at all. Her opinion is about as vaild as if I tried to diagnosis you with rabies.

Too many experiences like this MIGHT give me a case of rabies.
LOL!

I forgot to mention I have experanced both scenarios. I was dumbfounded but not being able to have more control over who I saw in my current location. In the 4 states I have lived in a relatively short time frame, I was shocked by my current state. It was finally explained to me it is a state law governing those who are on medicare with supplemental Medicaid. One or the other? I would have more input. So this does happen, and I still can't adjust to the concept.

It is so off putting...to always notice these people more worried about YOU maybe hurting THEM than seemingly anything else. Especially at first. An initial courtesy mini/midi chat is always warranted but if it is with the receptionist ONLY, well I say that can send a message that you are kinda working for THEM rather than vice versa.
You know?
I won't be a cog in their bureaucratic wheel if it means I can't have ten minutes first with some stranger I haven't even read about...but who might end up making thousands off me.
;=)

Out of curiosity, what country are you in?

Because I’m in the US, and have been hiring therapists for over 25 years (sometimes as often as twice a year, because I’ve spent the greater part of my life traveling/moving) and I’ve never had that experience.

- I compile a list of potential therapists via research (avg 5-25)*
- I have phone interviews with all/most of them
- I compile a shortlist from the most exciting candidates from my phone interviews (2-10)
- I book interview appointments from my shortlist
- I either start working with someone, or start over my batch search (5-25)

So I’ve always at least spoken to the person twice, and have often met with them at least once, before I’m filling out intake forms... much less committing to working with them.

The VA & NHS, clearly don’t allow that kind of process since a person is simply assigned a therapist, but it sounds like where you are you have at least some degree of choice available to you?

* When I was almost exclusively hiring ADHD therapists my numbers were quite small. 5 phone interviews, a couple in person interviews, and voila! Had the durn thing down to an art form. Trauma therapy has been far more difficult, since it’s a much smaller sub-field, and people further specialize in types of trauma, and my trauma history isn’t common in my region. :wtf: So it’s been a bit of a slog.

Thank you for your interesting approach. It DOES take lots of grit that search and smart searches always elude me cause they so wear me out! But I like your tough spirit with all of it and wish you optimum health always!

I was about to ask the same thing, what country are you in? I’ve been in therapy since I was 8ish and I’ve always been able to see my new therapist on the first visit. (I’m in the USA.)

well I'm in the states and some therapists will see people the first time. Mainly I got hurt here cause I was hoping I could just see her for a minute and meanwhile the clerk was playing doctor quoting dime store psychology. I'll get over this, but I had really wanted to get some relief with some personal stuff and the harder I look the more I end up learning about other kinds of related issues... you know??

 

[grit]

I can't put my finger on but I relate to your struggles a lot. I had a lot of thought processes and feelings like you but not the same issue you are seeking therapist. There is so much information in your post that is indicative of issues and I do not personally split who can "diagnose" or layman terms can give great insight about our blind side. Diagnosis means assessment is done but a lot of times as we know from misdiagnosis experience,that assessment is based on some behavior the person displayed or something shown. Also as the person recovers or heals or the therapist gets to know, the assessment can change and new diagnosis is given. It is not scientific and does not need blood work. Look at your president....no one needs a degree to diagnose him...
Now you know all these I am sure. But yet sometimes some of us we need this as a gospel.
Imho, anyone who can have a good boundried relationship with psychology education and willingness to help others has a potential. I would not say the same for a surgeon. Of course just like any other intimate relationship, you need to use your judgement and trust to assess if this is good. That goes without saying.
My feeling of your post is no matter what you do not a diagnosis. You need to be heard. And you are hiring diagnosis workers bees. You can eventually diagnose yourself with the help if it matters of professional but you do not need a diagnosis to solve an issue or grow or heal. I wonder if you could benefit group therapy....just wondering. It is also my feeling you are the intellectual type and a good therapist should leverage on that to work on deeper stuff. Not just tell you what you know like I am doing now...?

 

[whatamidoinghere19]

I can't put my finger on but I relate to your struggles a lot. I had a lot of thought processes and feelings like you but not the same issue you are seeking therapist. There is so much information in your post that is indicative of issues and I do not personally split who can "diagnose" or layman terms can give great insight about our blind side. Diagnosis means assessment is done but a lot of times as we know from misdiagnosis experience,that assessment is based on some behavior the person displayed or something shown. Also as the person recovers or heals or the therapist gets to know, the assessment can change and new diagnosis is given. It is not scientific and does not need blood work. Look at your president....no one needs a degree to diagnose him...
Now you know all these I am sure. But yet sometimes some of us we need this as a gospel.
Imho, anyone who can have a good boundried relationship with psychology education and willingness to help others has a potential. I would not say the same for a surgeon. Of course just like any other intimate relationship, you need to use your judgement and trust to assess if this is good. That goes without saying.
My feeling of your post is no matter what you do not a diagnosis. You need to be heard. And you are hiring diagnosis workers bees. You can eventually diagnose yourself with the help if it matters of professional but you do not need a diagnosis to solve an issue or grow or heal. I wonder if you could benefit group therapy....just wondering. It is also my feeling you are the intellectual type and a good therapist should leverage on that to work on deeper stuff. Not just tell you what you know like I am doing now...?

Hey Grit, thanks for the really nice reply. I love your toothy smiley. I think this might shake out all right cause the other person promised he would do his best to get in himself and the rest I will go along with. I can get someone else with her recommendation if she starts helping him. Its probably not a great idea (as someone else suggested) to expect the therapist to see you and someone else just cause you need the help with the other one. It can get sticky and I understand why.

So with a bit of luck maybe something good can come of this. I don't believe in diagnoses either, its such at cheap shot at best... and it hides people's ability to see behavior holistically and grasp the gestalt of people... TY very much for writing and have a nice holiday!

 

[DharmaGirl]

I might be completely out of the ballpark here, but it really helped me to take a communication class at my local community college. That way maybe your friend will come, and learn that communication is like throwing a ball. There is what was said, and what was heard. It might help, or it might not.

 

[whatamidoinghere19]

I will research those classes but this is Oklahoma. Will also see if I can influence the development of such classes, but as a rank layperson it's a crap shoot who will listen to me.. good point though. Some alternative colleges might be interested in things like this, but this is stark, oil-lobby-owned Oklahoma...with no money in the social services racket.
Heh..