Need hope

[Carpman]

Hi, I came off pregablin and sertraline last year, after my mum passed away, I went to therapy, and she was keen on me coming off meds, I finished sertraline just before Christmas, I have never been diagnosed properly, but she felt it was trauma from childhood and high sensitivity, I finished working a contract at end of March and at same time therapy, I’ve moved back to Wales, I’ve been trying yoga, mindfulness,cycling, running etc, I restarted therapy with emotion focussed therapist but it didn’t feel right, I had 5 sessions, two weeks ago I went to doctors and asked to go back on sertraline, I’ve been on it two weeks, side affects have started to go but don’t feel good, I think not working is affecting me badly too, as money is getting less, and lot of time at home, I’ve spoken to some family and they are helping but they do not understand what’s going on, I am also finding my 17 year old son has changed to me, I feel I am not needed by him anymore, we have always been very close and it’s really hurting me, I am 48 years old and feel useless, I have appointment with a new therapist on Thursday but wandering will this make matters worse, just really want peoples views what has helped them in bad times, many thanks.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Hello Carpman... welcome to a wonderful board, yes?

appointment with a new therapist on Thursday but wandering will this make matters worse, just really want peoples views what has helped them in bad times, many thanks.

I found being properly diagnosed was critical to my healing and decision making for moving forward. Many symptoms overlap, approaches to healing may merge but meds, therapist and modality need to target at times specifics. Perhaps, consider making that a goal and review how with your new T.

What assisted me the most, however, during some of my past abysmal moments was reading posts from these members, staff and owners of this board. It gave me strength. It gave me hope. It gave me courage because so many others could offer, “ Me too.” I was not alone and neither are you.

 

[grit]

I am sorry you are struggling with changes in your life. I hope you find some relief. I also wonder, just out of curiosity, if you can maybe try to see your child's POV of you and your relationship or even try to remember when you were his age how much you wanted independence or wished for independence from your own parents - if that was the case. I only mentioned the last point because you said:

I am also finding my 17 year old son has changed to me, I feel I am not needed by him anymore, we have always been very close and it’s really hurting me, I am 48 years old and feel useless,

.
He is becoming a man of his own and probably needs less direction and more being there for him when he needs you. Just wondering.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hello @Carpman,

In your post you have described a lot going on....

A bereavement (your mother)
Childhood trauma
Going off meds/restarting meds/side effects
Therapy starting/stopping/starting again (new therapist?)
Moving to a new place
Finishing work
Financial strain
Family dynamics
Trying new strategies to cope
An adolescent child
A touch of anxiety/depression with the ptsd?

So wow! That's a lot going on in anyone's life really. A few of them would be classified as major stressors too. So I hope you are giving yourself a bit of an opportunity to settle down and take a break between all of these changing circumstances?

All of these ^ would collectively make me believe I was having a hard time too.

I think it's great you have reached out and asked what others do when having a really hard time. So for me I would say that right now you may still be adjusting to a whole lot of things that have happened fairly recently. Some of these things will simply settle with time... like the meds & the therapist. I'd keep up the therapy as some support for your ptsd and also for other aspects of your life that have changed pretty drastically recently. It's good to have some real life support that isn't family.

A move to a new place is always a bit distracting too and that takes a while to adjust regardless of how familiar you are with the place or how much you want to move there. It's still change.

The work situation and the financial stress that comes with it is also something that will need to be addressed. I don't know how you are managing with finances being low but I do know it adds to your overall stress levels even if you are being assisted by family etc.,

Your son.... he's 17 - did he make the move with you? If so he may be adjusting too. He might be finding the changes that have occurred in your life and the way you have adjusted hard too. Adolescents can be quite sensitive to parents even when they appear to not be taking any notice whatsoever.

Your son does still need you but he might be testing boundaries too. Seeing how much notice you are taking of him and what he does. You certainly are needed by him... don't be fooled or mistaken... he needs you and will do so for a long time yet. And he's lucky to have you in his life..make no mistake! He's nowhere near a man yet... though he might insist he is. Sure he's growing up but there is still a lot of growing and maturing to do. When he's 25 you might notice he is growing into his brain and body and reasonably ok... though for sure he will be independent from you long before then. I wouldn't worry too much. You are still very relevant to him and his life so hang in there!

I think the more you can get well yourself and settle with meds/therapy/home/finances the better you may find you manage ptsd. Of course that's not the complete answer but all of these periphery issues interfere and disrupt any coping mechanisms that do work.

Keep up the cycling, mindfulness, yoga, running and anything else that helps you manage. Make them habits.

I think you've got a lot to be hopeful about. Take care. :)

 

[Carpman]

Thanks for your reply, it helps a lot, I think with my son, he doesn’t understand I’m going through a really rough time, as he lives with his mum, people generally do not understand people unless they too have been through it, his mum thinks I should just get on with it, pull myself together, it’s probably better that I do not see him at moment until I feel better,

Also as i have very low self esteem at moment, I’m think the world is almost judging me!, that’s how I feel, And one side of me is saying get a job, and other half is saying but you’re not well! Hope this makes sense:)

 

[Carpman]

I also think when I first came home end of March I booked a emotion based therapist, and seen him for about 4 weeks, but he had family things outside of therapy to deal with, so It didn’t work out, I have new appointment tonight with a new therapist, more down route of emdr, so hopefully it will, thank you again for replies, sometimes we get so caught up in our heads! We cannot make any sense of it.