Had to take my kitten back to the shelter, heart broken

[Scarlet13]

So, my family moved into a nice new house. The whole time I kept thinking, "We should get a pet cat "

I have owned a cat my whole life and am good with them. I think both my cats (my childhood cat and cat in my 20's) were instrumental in my managing PTSD even though I didn't really know I had it that whole time.

I had to give up my cat I had in my 20's after the birth of my daughter (6 years ago) because she began to attack my new born and son. She went to a friends home with older kids, but it broke my heart.

So now, 6 years later in a new home, I thought we could try with a kitten and now older children.

The kitten we got was 8 weeks old. She had been a stray at 4 weeks and nursed in foster care.

She had major behavior issues and was overwhelming, clawing and attacking everything.
I felt like I could manage her and give her the care she needed if I did not already have 2 children. In hind sight, she was too young for our family, she wasn't socialized very well and while I have had cats like that in that past, I can't manage that now. I realize all of this AFTER getting the pet.

We made the heart wrenching decision to return her to the shelter. She will likely be adopted as in my state, it is a very popular thing for people to adopt kittens. They all get adopted so fast.

I feel so gutted and hollowed out.
I have struggled with insomnia and it got really bad over this.
Every memory associated with cats I have owned in the past has been flooding in.
I feel like a shitty person and mom.
I am really trying to help my children process this also.
I want her to have the right home and feel she will find that and the shelter was a really nice one.

I just wish I could own a pet again and have it work out.
Has any one had to go through this?
How did it effect your PTSD?

 

[Ronin]

Something else, involving lots of dead kittens.

Thing is, reading what you did? Did nothing wrong.
Did right, both for the kitten, and your family.

 

[Scarlet13]

Thanks, that helps a lot. (Not the first part, kind of triggering.)

I miss my cats and wish things were different.

 

[ChildofGod]

I had a puppy when I was 19 or so, she got sick from not having her shots, and she had to be put to sleep.

That truly broke my heart.

I have a lot of love for animals and cats are and will always be my favorite.

I've had different pets, some I recognize but don't remember much because it's tied to my abuse.

I truly think you are being too hard on yourself. I hope that's not inappropriate to say.

If it is, I'm so sorry.

 

[joeylittle]

@Scarlet13 - I'm not sure you want to try again, but if you do - you should consider adopting an older cat from a rescue. Their personality is already pretty formed, and it's easier to get a 'read' on their personalities. You could even try taking one in as a foster, and let that cat just live with you for awhile, see how it goes.

 

[Scarlet13]

I like those responses.
Thanks, that helps a lot.
My first cat is tied to my abuse and was abused!

I just got overwhelmed with kids plus new kitten! There is a depressive cloud right now over every one. I think PTSD definately effects my feelings on all of this. I feel a lot of shame and guilt. I hesitate to get another cat because I am not a die hard cat person in terms of spending all of my last savings for them. For example, my first cat had kidney failure and I put him dwn because he looked so miserable when I was giving him shots. I am not like "Angela" from The Office, I cannot be because I have to work, be a mother, and manage my symptoms.

My mother always treated our house cats like the barn cats she grew up with, never taking them to the vet.

So while I am good with cats and could have many PTSD symptoms benefitted by one, I am not sure what type of cat owner to be.

I never want to go through this again. Or put my family through this. I cannot wait to get into my T about this.

 

[siniang]

I second the "a little older cat" suggestion. Doesn't have to be old old. Most cats calm down after about 1.5-2 years. Kittens are cute. But they can be excruciatingly exhausting even for people without PTSD, and as someone with PTSD, your frustration tolerance is much lower.

I think getting a pet is a good idea. For you. For your kids. You took a chance and had to learn your personal boundaries and limitations the hard way. I really feel for you as this must be a horrible feeling. But you did the right thing (and as you said, kittens have a great chance of being adopted out fast). Give it another try, when you feel ready.

 

[Sideways]

Give it another try, when you feel ready.

Don’t be afraid to have a thorough conversation with the shelter staff about any animal that you’re considering adopting.

They usually have really good information about the situation the animal has come from, and early indicators about the way that has effected their behaviour and development. Even with kittens? Qualified shelter staff should be able to give some indication about whether a kitten is adjusting and socialising well, or whether they’re having problems.

There are people who are in a position to take on the cats and kittens that have real behavioural issues that are going to take work and time and patience to work through.

So, note the limits that you’ve got in practical terms (because I’m guessing you have no limit to your empathy and how much you genuinely care and want the best for the cats), and ask the shelter staff to help you pick a cat that will suit your practical lifestyle. That makes for hapy cats, and happy cat owners:)

 

[siniang]

Great and valuable suggestions @Sideways !

One more thing @Scarlet13 , please do consider adopting two cats/kittens, PARTICULARLY if a kitten; older cats might already be designated loners and don't accept other cats anymore, but in general and despite common misconception, cats are not solitary. Regardless of how much we care for and play with our cat(s), we will never be able to substitute an intraspecific companion. Cats are very different in that regard than dogs and in many cases (there are exceptions, of course), lone cats actually can and do get depressive etc.

A kitten? Definitely needs a feline friend to play with. This could've been part of the problem here, too.

And two cats aren't really more expensive than one. But they will redirect a lot of energy from you onto each other.

 

[joeylittle]

I cannot wait to get into my T about this.

It's a lot of fruitful stuff that got stirred up, sounds like. I'm sorry that it was such a tough experience for you. And I can join with others in saying that you absolutely did the right thing, and there's no need to feel ashamed...

Of course, PTSD never really cares what is rational, does it? Sigh. Hang in there!

 

[Scarlet13]

Don’t be afraid to have a thorough conversation with the shelter staff about any animal that you’re considering adopting.

I couldn't agree more with this.
I didn't really have a discussion.
It was after we paid the adoption fee that they told me she had been a very young stray with siblings and brought over from Texas. Then she was fostered and brought to the shelter. They treated her for a whole list of things including tics. I got all of this info AFTER paying.
My gut didn't feel right, but we had paid and we liked her. They weren't all unexpected things either, like conjunctivitis is pretty normal.

She wasn't a terror. She just was always wanting to bite and scratch.

When I was 9, my mother took me to a home that had an add featuring kittens. She said, "This cat is yours." I picked out the runt, the most scrawny and whining one.

He was a lot of work, but made everything better. He was some what wild though. He died and then later in my 20's I got an amazing cat from Dumb Friends League. I referred to her as "my therapy cat". I used to lay my head gently on her stomach to hear her purr.

The recent kitty came from a smaller, private shelter.
I was reading an article about a trend now to bring animals from one state to another and this can traumatize them.

So maybe craigslist would be a better option or the Dumb Friends league which is bigger and more well funded and really learn the history and take my time.

I have even been looking into breeders, but dont know how I feel about that. You would know the history and I can choose a very affectionate breed. They wont let you adopt until 12 weeks which I think is wise.

I am going to try again when my sleep is better and I have the energy to take care of a new kitten. I think what I really miss is my last cat, Layla. She was the one I got in my 20's just after I got married, she brought me so much comfort, but could not tolerate my children.
Anyways, thanks for reading my cat stories!
I took for granted just how much cats/pets can be intertwined with abuse and PTSD.

 

[Sideways]

The recent kitty came from a smaller, private shelter.

Sadly, not all shelters are created equal. There’s plenty of good intentions out there, but not so much in actual animal behavioural knowledge. It’s much like visiting a breeder, and sussing out the condition of the parents, and the quality of their care and environment, and the level of knowledge of the breeder. If you go to a shelter instead of a breeder, be just as discerning.