Hey - Fiancee Has PTSD

[Deleted member 5760]

Marley, with the upmost respect - if you now believe your gf does not have PTSD then it's probably wise to seek out another forum. In terms of - why ya here then? There's obviously nothing to be gained here if the issue is unrelated to PTSD. Not having a go, just pointing out the blatantly 'obvious'.

Why are you here?

 

[Deleted member 541]

Marley,

We can agree to disagree, but in all honesty. I don't believe I MISREAD what you wrote, and by the many other responses, I wasn't alone in that either......I wish you well with your girlfriend, and urge her and you to get a professional diagnosis, and stop *thinking* that she has this or that. it can cause serious issues in doing that.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

And I'd also like to add - pru696 :

I'd like to offer my apology (from me - I can't speak on behalf of anyone else) that this thread has turned into somewhat of a boxing match which has detracted from the person who started it. Someone who is genuinely here because they are asking for advice and assistance with caring for someone with PTSD. There are many wonderful carers here and I hope you can find the assistance you need and have asked for.

Best to you

-Jen

 

[cherryblossom]

As an editor, firstly, can I please ask that members try to keep threads on topic. Everyone is welcome to start new threads to discuss any subject, in the appropriate forum. Any personal discussions should be dealt with by PM.

Secondly, everyone is welcome here, so long as they stick within the rules of the forum.

Marley, with the upmost respect - if you now believe your gf does not have PTSD then it's probably wise to seek out another forum. In terms of - why ya here then? There's obviously nothing to be gained here if the issue is unrelated to PTSD. Not having a go, just pointing out the blatantly 'obvious'.

Why are you here?

And thirdly, can I remind members that if they have concerns about a post, please report posts by using the 'triangle' icon at the bottom of the each post. Editors will then see the report and take any actions necessary. Any actions taken are not based personally, and simply follow the forum rules that every member should be well aware of. Any other concerns can be raised in the 'Ask The Editors' section.

My personal opinion is that Marley may have upset a few members with a comment. He has also tried to rectify it, by explaining his intentions. It was also only yesterday, that he stated he thought that maybe his GF doesn't have PTSD, but that he's still trying to work it all out. Please give everyone a chance, especially new-comers. We were all new here once, and we are all entitled to our opinion. My opinion - we won't all see eye to eye. If someone elses opinion upsets you, it's often your issue not theirs. Ignore and move on, if you don't like it.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Fair call cherryblossom. Apologies.

What I meant by 'why are you here?' (and I phrased it very badly and obviously it was misconstrued) was - perhaps there may be some ptsd there and he is actually here to find answers as to whether or not that is the case.

Bad wording, As I said, apologies. It was simply a case of miscommunication.

 

[cherryblossom]

Superjen, you are spot on - miscommunication. It's a subject that has been discussed here before, and will no doubt be discussed again and again. The written word can be miscommunicated, especially when people come here from different origins and backgrounds, and from all over the world. The written word misses out on facial expressions and body language, which all add to communications. You have just proved how our words can be misconstrued.

Healthy discussion is one thing but IMHO we should be supporting one another not fighting.

 

[Iam]

Ok, so we have the miscommunication worked out. Let's get this back on topic for Prudy. She was asking for coping skills to help her be supportive of her fiance and I believe take care of herself.

Prudy, I am a sufferer and have been a supporter of a close friend with PTSD. I also believe my mother and brother suffer from it. They are undiagnosed but given we all lived thru hell together I think it's a pretty safe assumption.

The first thing you need to do is take care of yourself. We suffereres can be pretty manipulative, even when we don't mean to be. You need to set up boundaries, decide what you will put up with and what you won't. You haven't given any specifics here yet, but if you do we can all be more specific as well. Once you have decided what you're boundaries are you need to sit down with your fiance and explain them. It's important that you maintain those boundaries, if they are crossed there are set consequences....i.e "If you start yelling at me I am going to another room or for a walk", "If you hit me, we are done" etc. It is very important that you keep your boundaries in place and if he crosses them follow thru with the consequence. It could be that your boundaries at some point will need to be modified for whatever reason, either stricter or looser, if so sit down and discuss them with your fiance. I have found that in sticking by my boundaries, the sufferers in my life have eventually learned that I mean it. They still try to cross them at times, but far less frequently than before.

Having PTSD is not an excuse for bad or abusive behavior. You do not and should not accept it.

I am sorry we got off track....we really do want to support you ;o)

 

[RealityCheck]

how interesting. I read 'wild animal' and thought that's exactly what I'm like at times... crazyangry, upset, out of control and I just want to be with somebody who will allow me to be express my wildness without taking it personally. Somebody who can let my wild nature express itself without judgement, somebody who is aware of an energy that is sometimes difficult to contain, and then yes, let me purr up and relax in appreciation. (Please, let me dream, I am freshly aware of ptsd and can now see there are possible ways to manage this with a partner)

Sometimes I wish I had acted like a wild animal when it was appropriate to act like one .... rather than shut down and pretend everything was ok when it really wasn't. That's just me - thanks, I appreciate the comparison.

 

[Marley]

My girlfriend was professionally diagnosed with PTSD, but as I said, the issues or symptoms she's experiencing are not of the PTSD nature. This has greatly changed the course of the relationship. This special disease has entitled her to more control over others, and has steered the family some as well. Last night, I broke it off. Completely just broke up with her. I've done a great job of being understanding with her and giving her a chance, but she broke my limits.

Now ... a good bunch of you carers out there might feel like giving up. It's not for everyone!

I'm not sure what else to say at this moment regarding the OP, I'm glad some of you have come to a more clear idea of what I was trying to say earlier, but if you're still hurt by what I said, I am truly sorry. Pru, the best you can do is buckle up and hang in there baby! This diagnosis should accompany counseling sessions, hopefully it will help keep you both in check!

 

[pandora]

Welcome to the forum. I am sure you will get a lot of support from many different people here both carers and sufferers.

 

[shaney]

pru696, I think you've already done the smartest thing you could do to assist in your fiancé's recovery, which is join these forums (assuming that you will read and participate regularly). My fiancée asked me to join months ago and I always said I'd "get around to it". Well, I'm only getting around to it now, over seven months after being asked, and after my inability to understand her (along with other problems, no doubt), led to the end of our relationship.

I'm making the effort to learn now because it will help me interact with her as a friend and as the mother of my children, and because I feel that when it comes to showing you care, it is always better late than never.

I don't know if your partner's PTSD has caused a lot of strain on the integrity of your relationship, but I certainly know that's a common result for many, so good on you for making sure you get informed now, rather than later.