Letting go of Hurt

[joeylittle]

I think your in danger of overthinking things...keeping those messages and keeping on reading them is a vicious cycle that you need to break out of.

Seconding this.

I think this is one of those situations where the "why" isn't necessarily going to help matters. Or, that you'll only be able to see the why of it once you've changed the behavior.

My advice would be to recognize it as a form of self-harm, and eliminate it as a maladaptive coping mechanism.

It starts with deciding to change the behavior. Get rid of the temptation to look back on these things - whether actually reading them or reflecting on them - by throwing out the emails. If it helps, write down more recent hurts and then throw those out as well. When your mind is tempted to go there, make a conscious decision to distract yourself with something else.

If you aren't willing to change the behavior, then that's a different issue....but you'll need to become willing to change it, before you will be able to.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Maybe don't delete it. Maybe copy and paste them into a Word doc, then put that on a thumb drive and give that to your therapist? Just an idea. Because then they still exist but they are not around when you decide to use them for a type of self harm. Then you and your therapist can take one at a time and process whats there.

There are strong emotions here that need to be processed and dealt with. But not sure having them available to prove to yourself how "horrible" you are (which you aren't but that's my point) is a good idea. But if deleting them sends you into panic then think up an idea where they aren't deleted but you have no access to them.

 

[Teasel]

I’m kind of wondering if maybe some of my blockage here comes from not being seen/heard/believed as a kid and now it’s some complex of must be able to prove everything ever said to me.

Growing up with abuse, I grew up believing others get to define my reality. It's like a part of me, inside, knew what they were doing to me. But I knew no-one else in my world believe me.

I absolutely relate to holding on to certain things because not to, feels like giving up on my younger self and I will not do that.

Can't.

Which leaves me pretty damned dysfunctional in some areas so I need to sort it out. But I relate.

It's wierd, inky in the last 2 decades did I even realise I had a belief that others forget to define my reality. And I've been slowly changing towards realising they really don't if I don't let em. And I think it's helping me begun to untangle the mess connected to that belief and help me let some things go.

Hope you figure put what will help you with this x

 

[Kubash16]

Maybe don't delete it. Maybe copy and paste them into a Word doc, then put that on a thumb drive and give that to your therapist? Just an idea. Because then they still exist but they are not around when you decide to use them for a type of self harm. Then you and your therapist can take one at a time and process whats there.

There are strong emotions here that need to be processed and dealt with. But not sure having them available to prove to yourself how "horrible" you are (which you aren't but that's my point) is a good idea. But if deleting them sends you into panic then think up an idea where they aren't deleted but you have no access to them.

Thank you all for your input. I think this ^^^ is what I need to do. I don’t think I’m strong enough to just up and delete them no matter how much they harm me. But if I have them saved in a different place and work on them with my T, maybe I could permanently get rid of them. We are already doing a box of memories, letters, and photos of bad places, these can be added too.

 

[katz]

I write mine down. Then I just put them away. I can forget - at least for a little while - that they are there. But, knowing that I can get to them if I need to just gives me a chance to not think about them for a little bit.

I have had people tell me to get rid of all my journal and note keeping, but I have not. I find a peace of mind knowing they I can get to them when and ever I want to. Why don't you print them and put them somewhere that you will know they are? Then just delete them all from your mail/computer.

You have them then, but you don't have to think about them every time you turn on your computer.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I don’t know how to write this post in a way that truly explains what’s going on in my brain. But here goes anyway.

I know letting go of things is by far my biggest issue right now. I still have messages from 2 1/2 years ago from my brother in law telling me what a piece of shit I am and that he knew of my stepdad hurting me and admitting to him hurting me himself. It’s not just his messages though, I keep everyone’s messages when they hurt me in even some small way.

Logically, I should just delete everything and move on right? So why does that feel so impossible? The very thought of deleting anything sends me into an actual panic with thoughts of that’s letting them get away with it, letting those words be true. It’s like if I let go, I’m also letting go of my identity-thats how deep it runs anyway.

Please don’t suggest DBT/radical acceptance. I get that that has helped a lot of people but it’s really not working for me right now, it makes these thoughts even worse.

@Kubash16 Why don't you print them out, punch holes in them, put them in a special binder or notebook and get them out of your current technology system-create a journal. Then delete it all in your computer.
There, you haven't lost anything....you still have it....and when you are ready to let go......burn it....it is really freeing to burn the pages. I have burned my journals....glad I did.

Yes, for me I like to try to remove everything negative, whether it be a visual reminder or otherwise. Not in denial, but because I want peace, love and calm in my life. And other than proof if necessary as @Friday said, I would rather have forgiveness/ get on with it (maybe I minimize?, but really, there is life ahead, makes it even worse if not). Which isn't right or wrong, just 'me'. You are already posting here, so you are exploring what's best for you. :hug:

@Tinyflame and @Kubash16 I really get removing the negative from my life...as things are reminders of the negative parts of my past like....photos.. letters, .furniture or keepsakes that make me feel bad. Once it is gone.....that person in my past, who I'm reminded of when I see this "non-living object" has less influence and power over my emotions of today.... I have been ridding my house of things that impact me negatively or are a trigger from my past abuse that have the propensity to get me all worked up and stressed for no reason. This helps me live better the "here and now."
It really is healthier....and I feel better as a result.