Sexual Assault For women who have been through sexual abuse, period question

[SeekingAfrica]

Hi everyone, first off, I apologise, this will be a bit TMI, but I can't explain my question otherwise. I was just wondering if any of you have used menstrual cups? (and been through sexual abuse/rape. I have never used tampons and going to ob/gyn checkups is always filled with huge anxiety. But on the other hand I've been reading on menstrual cups and they save you money, and reduce environmental waste. I really want to get one one day.
But I'm afraid of spending big amount of it and then not being able to use it because of being too anxious and sensitive or if it might induce my body memories and cause me stress and flashbacks or anything. On the other hand I really want to try it and maybe I'll get used to it the way I learn to get through life triggers that I can't change?

 

[Friday]

My interior dimensions shift around too much for me to be able to use either diaphragms/caps or cups. No psych reasons interfere, it’s just that with my physiology, they wouldn’t stay in place, and would bend or tip/flip dumping blood everywhere.

((In order for either diaphragms, cervical caps, or menstral cups to work you need to have a very stationary cervix, instead of a mobile one, and a vaginal canal that doesn’t change shape to any real degree (stretching, so the cup falls, or cramping/tightening, so it gets bent or slips out of position.) ))

If they’re something you want to give a go I’d really suggest either using tampons to begin with, as tampons are much much smaller... or Ben wa balls, as it doesn’t matter where they’re placed (nor do they spill as you’re taking them out), just to get used to inserting things & carrying them around in your vagina, & then expelling them afterward.

If you decide to go the tampon route OB’s are designed for finger insertion (no applicators, and silky exteriors IE they slide, even over dry tissues, unlike most tampons that drag painfully over delicate but dry membranes & the applicator has has has to be used to slip them past dry tissue before hitting the plunger and placing them in wet) so that would give you the practice of just one finger & moving your hips &/or canal about about to nip it past your pubic bone; rather that 2+ (you pinch cups to kind of fold them in half to insert, then poke it about with 1-3 fingers to get it situated).

 

[SeekingAfrica]

My interior dimensions shift around too much for me to be able to use either diaphragms/caps or cups. No psych reasons interfere, it’s just that with my physiology, they wouldn’t stay in place, and would bend or tip/flip dumping blood everywhere.

((In order for either diaphragms, cervical caps, or menstral cups to work you need to have a very stationary cervix, instead of a mobile one, and a vaginal canal that doesn’t change shape to any real degree (stretching, so the cup falls, or cramping/tightening, so it gets bent or slips out of position.) ))

If they’re something you want to give a go I’d really suggest either using tampons to begin with, as tampons are much much smaller... or Ben wa balls, as it doesn’t matter where they’re placed (nor do they spill as you’re taking them out), just to get used to inserting things & carrying them around in your vagina, & then expelling them afterward.

If you decide to go the tampon route OB’s are designed for finger insertion (no applicators, and silky exteriors IE they slide, even over dry tissues, unlike most tampons that drag painfully over delicate but dry membranes & the applicator has has has to be used to slip them past dry tissue before hitting the plunger and placing them in wet) so that would give you the practice of just one finger & moving your hips &/or canal about about to nip it past your pubic bone; rather that 2+ (you pinch cups to kind of fold them in half to insert, then poke it about with 1-3 fingers to get it situated).

Thanks for the information, to be honest even tampons scare me so you might be right. But with them I also worry about toxic shock syndrome, as I hear it can be really awful if it does happen. But might give them a go for the purpose of getting used to them. At least in case of failure at least they are not expensive in comparison. Honestly today was the first time I heard in a video that your cervix or anything can move so I have no clue about my own body in that regard. So this will be experimentation process.

 

[Kubash16]

I wouldn’t worry about TSS as it is super super rare and as long as you are changing 2-3 or more times a day, you’ll be fine. It has to be left in for a really long time and even then you probably wouldn’t get sick.

But I’ve been curious about cups too, but haven’t been brave enough to try. Plus the birth control I’m on has pretty much eliminated my period which is a godsend cause I get ya.

But your comment, Friday, about you needing to have a stationary cervix for the cups has me wondering, how do you figure that out? And do you have to be shaped a certain way? Because gynos and guys have to do a lot of adjusting to be able to get in, and it’s painful when they do, so I think I’m shaped wrong or something but no gynos have pointed it out.

 

[Friday]

It’s not about being shaped wrong... it’s just that some shapes work with cups and some don’t.

If you ever get fitted for a diaphragm there are something like 15 or 20 different sizes of them (big dang case o’the suckers) ranging from about the size of a silver dollar all the way up to palm/hand sized. They start with the smallest and keep inserting until one doesn’t just slip out or skitter away, then they have you wiggle about attempting to dislodge it. And then they’ll keep moving up sizes (each time having you jounce about) until they start bending/flipping/sproinging out or being uncomft. So you get a range of a few different sizes as “maybes” and then it’s simply picking which one fits the most securely & feels best (by going back and forth between them, trying them in, and shaking yo’booty/ jumping around/ twisting/ clenching/ relaxing/ keigles... all as vigorously as possible.) it’s a very bizarre kind of experience (Today, Twat, you’re going to Gymnastics class!) Lay down, reach in, sit up, bounce around, reach in, wiggle, reach back in and take it out, stick another in. It’s just dang weird. But sex is a participation sport, and there’s no point in using a diaphragm at all if it won’t stay put. So it’s all very hands on/ hands in.

Even with all the variations of sizes? You still find a lot of women -like me- who won’t be able to use one.

Menstrual cups have far fewer sizes (some brands only have 1 size, others have 3 or so) so an even greater percentage of women simply aren’t going to be able to use them.

 

[RVA21]

I've never and could never manage the cup. I recently started using those material ones (like towels) you can wash and re-use, they clip around your underwear. Saved a fortune already :D

 

[Kubash16]

What about the underwear? Can’t remember the name but they look promising.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’d stay away from the “silky” OB tampons as they’re essentially covered in perforated plastic. Maybe this is TMI but bloody plastic is very slippery and your tampons may fall out (happened to me, eww gross). I use the regular OB’s and they work well.

 

[Sideways]

Ben wa balls,

I’d go a mini vibe (miniture vibrator - about the size of your little finger) rather than BW balls. Buy a cheap one online with a water based lube, skip the batteries, lube it up.

Balls get complex real fast. Cheap ones or ones on a string, even when they’re silicone? Have a habit of pinching. Ones that are loose? You’re going to freak yourself out trying to dig them out. Yes, they will ultimately work their own way out, but it’s not a cool experience, especially when you’re already sensitive about the area. And you still have the size issue to decide on.

What I like about a mini vibe? Is it’s going to be about the same size as a tampon, but it’s potentially also going to go to the core issue, which is getting comfortable with your own body.

Easy as to slide it in and out once it’s got a bit of lube on it. That’s a 5 second task: in, out, chuck it in the basin and do your deep breathing, and realise that this is okay.

Having more options for dealing with your period is a brilliant goal. Potentially really life changing. But you can add more steps to get yourself there. It doesn’t need to involve menstrual blood. In fact if it’s lubed up you’ll potentially not feel much down there at all. Buying online saves the drama.

My sister had major issues getting a tampon in. She found it really distressing. Some people just do. If that’s you? Maybe remove the menstrual part from the equation all together.

 

[bellbird]

SA/rape survivor, here. I'm fortunate that I've been able to use tampons following the trauma.
I've considered a menstrual cup but just haven't been able to get to the step of buying&trying one. And I'm not sure I will. Requiring a single finger for tampon insertion is plenty enough for me; the whole folding and positioning of a cup, plus getting it out with no spillage (literally a little cup filled with blood as opposed to a sponge that has soaked it all up, and my hands are not steady at the best of times!) = probably not doable.
I know they save money, and are more environmentally friendly, but I'd rather help the environment/my pocket in other ways and feel comfortable for that one week out of every month.

Maybe remove the menstrual part from the equation all together.

That's a really really good idea.
And I strongly second it.
If you do decide to go straight to trying tampons, I suggest trying them on one of the later days of your flow. Be a much easier introduction.

Also a gentle reminder to breathe :)
Our instinctual response to stress is to tense our muscles; it preps us for the adrenaline response we make.
Helpful for needing to fight/flight/freeze/fawn, but not so helpful for inserting tampons/et al. That's where something like the combination of a mini vibrator&lube would help, but in general and irrespective of what you try: deep breathing, reminders to self that you are safe and have total control over the situation to stop as soon as it becomes too much, are going to help.

 

[barefoot]

Just to say from the get-go - I’ve been fortunate and have been able to use tampons so this isn’t a triggery thing for me. So, I realise that means we’re not in exactly the same boat.

I have tried a cup though, so thought I’d share in case it is of any help.

You don’t have to insert a cup in as far as a tampon - it sits lower - so I don’t know whether that would feel less triggery in any way for you?

I’ve used tampons for years then tried to switch to a mooncup to save money (and the planet!)

I found it difficult to get on with. Mainly because I found it difficult to get it in the right place. Probably because I was trying to put it in like a tampon and was then panicking because it didn’t seem to be in far enough! If you’re not used to wearing tampons, that may be easier in a way because you won’t try to treat it like one.

I used it for a few months - had a few little accidents so got a bit paranoid about it and reverted back to tampons. Keep saying I should try it again...

If pads generally work for you, I have heard a couple of people say good things about the washable pads you can get now.

 

[The Albatross]

But I'm afraid of spending big amount of it and then not being able to use it because of being too anxious and sensitive or if it might induce my body memories and cause me stress and flashbacks or anything. On the other hand I really want to try it and maybe I'll get used to it the way I learn to get through life triggers that I can't change?

Pick apart and reexamine this. It's way skewed and loaded.