Current/past Sex Questions For Women Who Have Been Raped

[rightkindofme]

I have slept with 10 guys who don't like oral. Your beliefs are incorrect.

 

[rightkindofme]

For the record, if you compare the men who don't want oral to my overall #s... Around 10%.

 

[anonymous]

I feel that you are way off track and I would hate my husband forever if he came on her talking about our sex life like this. It sounds to me that you are only doing this for your own benefit now. What are you getting out of knowing who likes blow jobs and who doesn't . I feel very uncomfortable about you know. And wonder what are your real intentions ????

 

[Fadeaway]

I think you met a unicorn.

It is probably statements like that which led me to feel that it was a personal rejection that my husband never asked for one. I know better know, but those types of statements are harmful to both sexes. Society tells me my husband should be very different when it comes to sex. To hell with that, I didn't want what society says is normal anyways.

When you talk to her about sex, do you constantly bring up the rape? I hope not. So here is what you do. You stop looking for answers, tell your self it doesn't matter. At the same time acknowledge that you need to be sensitive and accepting of your wife's needs.

 

[The Albatross]

My mister doesn't like blow jobs either. Which suits me fine as I have had several rapists one which was my first husband.

 

[illusionist]

I can fully believe that you believe that you don't know a man who doesn't like receiving oral...these men very rarely admit to another man for one simple reason....they will get the very reaction you have to it and be looked on ( generally) as abnormal. There is a high chance you do know someone but they've just not shared that info with you.

 

[Sammyiam]

This thread is just starting to feel creepy to me and what are you really wanting here

 

[joeylittle]

@Hooper - I'm just going to be blunt, but not with an aim to be hurtful.

You are walking a line right now between wanting to understand and wanting potentially voyeuristic details.

Everyone on this forum is free to express themselves as they wish, so long as they don't break rules or policy. You aren't doing either. There is also something we consider, which is whether or not someone's interests here trend towards the overall healthy maintenance of the community or whether they lean towards inciting triggered response.

So far, this has been a respectful thread. You've summarized your main question as looking to understand how your wife's rape may have been affecting your sex life - specifically whether it explains certain things she does (pills for sleep, doesn't like oral sex, prefers lubricant). In your words:

Is the need for lubrication a result of the rape and is the dislike of oral sex also a result of the rape?

We really aren't in the business of censorship here. I am not in any way telling you what you can or cannot post. I am saying that taking a conversation about rape aftermath to this place:

From a guys perspective though I don't know a single one that doesn't like a blow job.

Is bordering on incendiary.

Not here to offend anyone...What I read outside of here is that rape has nothing to do with sex which I don't believe.

(My bolding for emphasis)
Rape is not about sex. Rape is about power. The acts involved in rape are a means to an end - the end being to have the power.

I came here to get answers for questions about how the rape may have affected our sex life.

We are here overall as a place for sufferers and supporters to dialogue on PTSD issues. Do you identify as a supporter?

You've been given a number of straight answers about the female sexual experience at large. You've also gotten a lot of responses encouraging you to talk with your wife about these things. You say you talk with her, to tell her you love her. You also say she has said the rape has affected your sex life.

Maybe a more useful corner for this thread to turn would be to discuss ways you might talk with her about these things? It's just a suggestion, not a mandate. I did do a quick search on other threads you might find helpful, really just to share some threads that might be helpful, not as code for "go post over there".

Ptsd, Marriage And Sex
Abuse And Sexual Side-effects - Relationships
Lets Talk About Sex And Intimacy

Again: you are free to ask what you want, and people are free to respond or not respond.

 

[anthony]

The largest members of the group are post menopausal women and victims of sexual abuse.

As a male with a wife going into pre-menopause, let me tell you that lacking sex drive starts there, not post. Lacking sex drive also presents for many reasons. That list can be quite diverse from prior researching this subject in earlier years.

 

[anthony]

This thread is just starting to feel creepy

So far... I don't believe so. Just honest doubts, concerns and issues that are rarely discussed due to often being, or feeling, as though they're too sensitive. Yet should be discussed, openly and honestly.

 

[scout86]

Just a thought on the "sex/power" idea.

I get that it's about power, and about someone thinking they have the right to take what they want, with not regard to who they're using. But, in a sense it's "about" sex too. Sex is the vehicle for the taking and the using. In the aftermath, sex is likely to get put into the mix of confusion of results. Flashbacks and other difficulties. Personally, one of the big problems is just sorting through what I have a "right" to. To want, to feel, to chose, to reject. And then there's the question of "value" that @Kefira mentioned.

There's "sex" in the good, positive, caring and giving sense and there's also a version of "sex" in the cooercive,

As a male with a wife going into pre-menopause, let me tell you that lacking sex drive starts there,

If it makes you feel any better, and I suppose you probably know this, things can get better on the other side of that process.

 

[Friday]

I can't help but thinking the rape has something to do with one or both of these differences. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

For sake of thinking things through... Let's go ahead and yes to all 3. Just as a thought exercise; that the rape is directly responsible for taking benedyl, needing lube, and not digging going down.

Okay. Now what? What changes or is different if any/all of those things are completely unrelated?