EMDR and grief question

[Sharon7788]

I’ve recently started EMDR and we are going super slow because I have DID. I’m taking Naltrexone so I don’t dissociate right now, but I don’t necessarily have any coping skills to replace what the parts have always done for me. So, we are moving super slow and it seems to be going well. I tried to ask about grieving but I wasn’t able to explain myself well enough to get my question answered. I think what I was really trying to ask is about grieving during EMDR. I know there is no way around it but I’m wondering if I will grieve it during session and then the grief will go into the container to stay until next session, or if I will actually have to feel the grief at home between sessions? I’ve never felt emotions before now so I’m really scared of them but at the same time I know it has to happen in order to heal. Has anyone else started feeling emotions for the first time from doing EMDR and was it as terrible as it sounds?

 

[Rumors]

Yes, yes, and yes. I did feel the grief, and other emotions, after emdr and in between sessions. I didn't have a tremendous amount of experience with anything other than anger and it was difficult. I would suggest if you are worried about it, bring it up and perhaps schedule a follow up session for the following day to process those emotions. Make sure you work through defining emotions and being able to pinpoint what that feeling might be. For me, I knew I felt something but didn't really understand clearly what was happening. That was frustrating bc I didn't have a word to go with how I felt but I knew I felt bad. I am also not someone who really cries, however I have cried a little as the years have ticked by. Not buckets, but a tear here and there which is pretty HUGE for me. Mostly, I had this dreadful feeling of loneliness which was deafening to my emotions. Good luck... I am glad I have done emdr and it has helped, but it hasn't been easy!

 

[Still Standing]

@Rumors is right on. EMDR is hard work and it does go home with me. Sometimes I can recognize the emotion involved and some times all I know is that I depression is my companion. The best thing that helps me is distraction...doing things that soothe me between sessions. Also utilize a therapy journal, much like how we use our diaries on this site. Write down what you are feeling, thinking, and understanding or not understanding . Take it to sessions and share it or use it for reference. As hard as EMDR is, it does help so stick in there.

 

[Sharon7788]

@Rumors
I am also not someone who really cries, however I have cried a little as the years have ticked by. Not buckets, but a tear here and there which is pretty HUGE for me. Mostly, I had this dreadful feeling of loneliness which was deafening to my emotions.

I’m not able to cry, that is one of my fears even though I know it’s supposed to be a healing release and I want to do it, I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. Thanks for replying, this is super helpful to know what to expect. I will let t know that I’m not afraid of the session but the feelings between sessions terrify me. I’m glad to hear that it has helped you. That’s encouraging.

@Rumors is right on. EMDR is hard work and it does go home with me. Sometimes I can recognize the emotion involved and some times all I know is that I depression is my companion. The best thing that helps me is distraction...doing things that soothe me between sessions. Also utilize a therapy journal, much like how we use our diaries on this site. Write down what you are feeling, thinking, and understanding or not understanding . Take it to sessions and share it or use it for reference. As hard as EMDR is, it does help so stick in there.

Thanks, I do need to journal. So far I have only sat on my porch feeling sad and afraid that EMDR is too much for me. I need to plan some distractions for between sessions. I kinda knew that but hearing someone else say it helps makes it feel more doable so thank you for sharing!

I’m not able to cry, that is one of my fears even though I know it’s supposed to be a healing release and I want to do it, I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. Thanks for replying, this is super helpful to know what to expect. I will let t know that I’m not afraid of the session but the feelings between sessions terrify me. I’m glad to hear that it has helped you. That’s encouraging.

 

[Freida]

Has anyone else started feeling emotions for the first time from doing EMDR and was it as terrible as it sounds?

Yep
and Yep

Learning to feel sucks. I'm telling ya - emotions are way overrated :laugh:
The feels usually hit me a day or so later, so its really important that I journal about what I worked on during the session as soon as I walk out of her office. that way when I'm losing my mind a couple days later I can look back and see why.
Taking it slow is good but make sure you are VERY honest with your T about what happens once you leave the office so that she can adjust the session as needed.

 

[Sharon7788]

Yep
and Yep

Learning to feel sucks. I'm telling ya - emotions are way overrated :laugh:
The feels usually hit me a day or so later, so its really important that I journal about what I worked on during the session as soon as I walk out of her office. that way when I'm losing my mind a couple days later I can look back and see why.
Taking it slow is good but make sure you are VERY honest with your T about what happens once you leave the office so that she can adjust the session as needed.

It does suck. I wanted to feel so badly but now, usually the day after an EMDR session I’m questioning my sanity lol. I’m ultimately thankful for the opportunity but I’m starting to feel some anger that EMDR is even necessary.

 

[Rumors]

I’m not able to cry, that is one of my fears even though I know it’s supposed to be a healing release and I want to do it, I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. Thanks for replying, this is super helpful to know what to expect. I will let t know that I’m not afraid of the session but the feelings between sessions terrify me. I’m glad to hear that it has helped you. That’s encouraging.

Don't panic about the crying or not crying. Whatever comes out, just let it be what it is. Trying to manage your emotions when you can't even define them is a recipe for disaster. Learning to make peace with the unknown makes the process more tolerable. You can't control what you don't know...hell, you can't control most of the stuff you do know so let the process just flow and relinquish the fear that holds you back. It works but you have to be open to the fact that you may not feel good every minute. I mean you are dredging up an abusive history. It's like thinking you are going to have a knee replacement and the recovery doesn't hurt. It does and it is recovery so be kind to yourself and do the work while still being mindful that you are a work in progress.
Best wishes!!! Let us know how it goes!

 

[erigby]

I have only been doing EMDR for a short time (4 sessions) but my experience has been that the feels can follow me for a time after, from a couple of hours to a couple of days. I also find I can start getting feelings of depression the day before a session. I think it is just knowing what is coming. I will say the process seems to be really working for me. Amazing actually. I took a two week break though just to sort of get out of the darkness.

 

[Sharon7788]

I have only been doing EMDR for a short time (4 sessions) I took a two week break though just to sort of get out of the darkness.

I’m glad to hear it’s working well for you! I have also done 4 sessions so far but I’ve not experienced much darkness yet. I’m having trouble finding my emotions. I’m still numb during the sessions, but I’m hopeful that the EMDR is going to break through that barrier soon so I can grieve it and get past it once and for all. Thanks for sharing your experience!! It really helps to hear how it’s working for others. ?