Chose to file sexual harassment with residential mgt.

[Recovery4Me]

I hope I got the right area insofar as placement for this thread. I really am trying.

I am placing this post because it took so much out of me to move forward on this concern. I am feeling so disoriented and want to present this politically correct and with care. If I offend someone please let me know as that is not my intention. I just need to balance a little and perhaps get a little feedback.

Over the last year plus, I have volunteered to teach seniors the computer. It opens doors for so many in order to connect. One senior was someone that I knew in childhood, so I tried very hard as he had dropped out of school, is Bipolar, ADHD and had been hospitalized for suicide attempts.

I assisted him in opening doors for a safety contract, an T, meditation and genuinely cared towards him as a friend. I was clear on my boundaries, took extra time to explain things in e-mails so he might choose to review and tried to understand his personal lack of empathy when he squashed my feeling or barreled through. However, he didn’t seem to want to respect my no, on any level.

I considered my PTSD, my part in the dance... I would choose to explain no again. But then after a solid month and a half of being hounded on so many levels, just trying to get in and out of the building walking my dog without him approaching- I realized I was afraid to fight back. I was afraid to say it out loud to someone else that might officially help. I was afraid how it might look as I am so old, to actually go to the building manager and declare, “ I am being sexually harassed.” God, I hate drama!

I am not angry as much as I feel embarrassed that my communication did not work. I feel (whether real or not) that I failed somehow. I feel like I am doing something wrong standing up for myself and yet, if it was someone else... I won’t want them to suffer emotional damage. Odd how it takes so long to find value in one’s self, to say out loud,”This is wrong.”

I sent the formal email to the manager in neutral tones, requesting them to explain my no means no. I am hoping that their communication with him fairs better as there is an no sexual harassment policy in this building. I don’t wish to push it further if he just leaves me alone. I just want to walk my dog in peace and not be provoked to clock someone.

Thanks for listening.

 

[blackemerald1]

I feel embarrassed that my communication did not work. I feel (whether real or not) that I failed somehow. I feel like I am doing something wrong standing up for myself and yet, if it was someone else... I won’t want them to suffer emotional damage.

^Can you see this is so much the victim speaking? Blaming oneself etc? You are not to blame regardless.

I hope that this problem can be quietly and quickly sorted and you can get back to being free from this entire situation. :hug:

 

[Recovery4Me]

@blackemerald1 ? You are absolutely right!!! I didn’t even see it as I was struggling to get the story out. I wasn’t feeling empowered: the harassment plugged into my childhood grooming and past rapes. Wow! I was feeling very small and helpless.

I will discuss this with my T. next week. Do you think that defaulting to a secure inner position happens for some past victims or is it the case of which wolf do you feed?

I will work on empowering myself today with self-affirmations. The manager responded right away and said she would address it. That is good news... just to be believed. Better news- for him to cease.

 

[blackemerald1]

Do you think that defaulting to a secure inner position happens for some past victims or is it the case of which wolf do you feed?

^I don't know - maybe both? I can also see why you struggled to even write it out here and also to report the matter... that's definitely a part of the victim thing within you/me/us all here... too.

You know I'd love to be one of those empowered people who can stand up and say... 'hey you are walking all over my boundaries so back off' - where do they get such inner strength and resolve about protecting themselves? For me, so much has got to happen, so much inner justifications, self recrimination, self examination and weighing of all matters... before I can allow myself permission to consider the idea of speaking up. You are definitely not alone with this way of thinking.

I will discuss this with my T. next week.

^Excellent idea. :hug:

I also think you ought to be right proud of yourself for doing that kind of voluntary work with the computers and you know... allowing other people into your life like you have. Extending a skill to them that they would not otherwise be able to be given and opening up possibilities for them that might never have been available. Oh and please... you are not old... that is the last of that! :)

 

[Recovery4Me]

^I don't know - maybe both? I can also see why you struggled to even write it out here and also to report the matter... that's definitely a part of the victim thing within you/me/us all here... too

I use to believe that given enough therapy and placing in the work would allow the bypass of grooming. I am using my voice better and standing up with fierce attitude but it shakes me up for hours when a predator will not listen. I think to be honest, it is because I chose to contain my choice of reaction when every fiber of my being is engaged for defense.

At any rate... I really appreciate your wisdom and humor. Thank you so much for all you contribute to our members and myself. It is sorely needed during these types of situations.