FauxLiz
Diamond Member
That was probably a very good idea, can I ask how you were able to do that? I thought that telehealth platforms prevented that from happening?
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Annoyed and I haven't even had the intake yet
- Post starter Justmehere
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That was probably a very good idea, can I ask how you were able to do that? I thought that telehealth platforms prevented that from happening?
- Post starter
- #14
Justmehere
Sponsor
She didn't use a typical telehealth platform, but an ordinary video conferencing platform. I have a screen recorder that takes a video of what happens on my desktop that I've used to make training videos for software. I told her I was recording it. She had no issue with that. (It is potentially very illegal in many areas to record such confidential communications without the consent of all parties.)
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FauxLiz
Diamond Member
@Justmehere thanks, I am actually worried that my provider will record our sessions. I know I should trust him enough to know that he won't but the last time I attempted telehealth the way the T acted made me so suspicious that I couldn't continue with telehealth.
- Post starter
- #16
Justmehere
Sponsor
There may be some very strong laws against that occurring in your area. If you live in what is called a "two consent state" in the US, it would be highly illegal to tape without your consent no matter the setting, therapy or not. (People have gone to prison for this,) Outside of that broad regulation, many states and areas have specific regulations against therapists videotaping sessions without sessions. It's highly unethical for a therapist to do without consent.
That being said...
That being said...
Yeah. Trust isn't always easy, even when it "should" be there. When the therapist today asked me for my parent's names, I said "no" because I was thinking I didn't want her googling them. Chances of even this nutty person googling them? Slim. Chances of her googling them and doing anything harmful? Even slimmer. But. I have survived trauma that is fairly uncommon so, it's kind of screws up the "slim chance" being very reassuring. We "should" be able to trust easier but it's not always so easy.
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- Moderator
- #17
Sideways
VIP Member
Maybe this is totally unhelpful for you. If so, please ignore it, because I’m not trying to be provocative, just come at this from a different angle.
It seems to me that the conversation broke down at the point of the exchange about why you couldn’t remember the year you did that volunteer work. So, pulling it apart up till that point:
No intake forms: this means this interview was the equivalent of those forms. Helpful or not, this practice may find that asking people human to human is more helpful than tick’n’flick forms. Not your personal preference (mine either), but does make some sense.
Getting your name wrong: unprofessional, but it happens, especially when we’ve only just met the person.
Exact income: setting out a question as “I’m going to give you some ranges of income, tell me where you fit; $0 to $20,000 per annum, $20,000 to $40,000 per annum...” See how ranges only work on paper? Same with asking for a clear picture of your living situation. Nice and precise, no room for cognitive distortions, and gives a good insight into the person’s current cognitive capacity (confusion about how big my home is would be both common, and clinically significant, and ‘condo’ doesn’t necessarily give as clear a picture as you might think).
Your parents: I’ve come across this many times (always vomunteered for the residents doing their exams while I was hospitalised, so I’ve done a shittonne of intakes). They ask for names for easy future reference. Oftentimes it’s followed by the name and order of siblings, and many will sketch out a basic family tree diagram, then ask for the mental health history of each person, and add notes to the family tree sketch accordingly.
What year did you do your volunteer work: it seems at this point you may have steered the conversation away from the set process she had for doing an intake. They develop set intake processes so that they know once hey get to their last question they’ve covered everything. It’s inflexible, but it makes the awkward process go smoother...sometimes.
What year was it when: she’s likely asking because if you have memory issues, that’s relevant. I now have 2 people in my dog class with ptsd and memory issues. But in both cases, you need to ask them about that specifically - they are there to train a dog to help them with their ptsd, and they have memory issues, what more do I need to know?
In both cases, they have specific memory issues - short term memory issues, due to TBI (not their ptsd). Their TBI isn’t why they’re in my class, but I need to know that. Because they won’t remember what they learned in class, unless I find out what tools they’re using to accommodate their TBI, and accommodate those needs.
There are loads of reasons you may have memory issues, and it is very relevant to a T whether those memory issues are your ptsd, or something else.
By that point? It seems that you were in too much distress. If that was evident to her? An alternative would have been to offer to do the intake at another time. But for many people? Intakes are awful, intrusive, and best to get out of the way because if “We come back at another time...”, we never come back.
Like I said, I’m not trying to be provocative. But: you were irritated about this intake before it even started; you come to this T with a history of inept and unprofessional T’s behind you (putting it mildly); the medical profession is a trigger for you; avoidance is a go-to when we’re triggered.
Is it possible she was rude, short, and had shitty questions? Sure.
Is it possible that her questions weren’t entirely inappropriate? Yes.
I’m not trying to defend her. I wasn’t there. Maybe she was a flipping b!tch.
Maybe now isn’t the time for you to be doing this.
Maybe there are no good T’s available on your insurance in your area.
But is it also possible that not all T’s are incompetent intrusive amoral arsehats, and that this situation wasn’t so black and white? Um, yeah, I think so.
That’s not me saying it’s all you, or you should go back. But if an alternative perspective is helpful? That’s all I’ve tried to offer.
Thing is, it is brilliant that you come to therapy with specific goals. But she wouldn’t be doing her job if she didn’t do a proper, standardised intake. She hasn’t met you, and it would be inappropriate of her to assume your level of insight, diagnosis, living situation, safety, relevant history, cognitive capacity, other health conditions, etc etc.
Many people come to therapy with goals. A whole lot of the time? Their goals change once they’re in the hands of a capable therapist.
It seems to me that the conversation broke down at the point of the exchange about why you couldn’t remember the year you did that volunteer work. So, pulling it apart up till that point:
No intake forms: this means this interview was the equivalent of those forms. Helpful or not, this practice may find that asking people human to human is more helpful than tick’n’flick forms. Not your personal preference (mine either), but does make some sense.
Getting your name wrong: unprofessional, but it happens, especially when we’ve only just met the person.
Exact income: setting out a question as “I’m going to give you some ranges of income, tell me where you fit; $0 to $20,000 per annum, $20,000 to $40,000 per annum...” See how ranges only work on paper? Same with asking for a clear picture of your living situation. Nice and precise, no room for cognitive distortions, and gives a good insight into the person’s current cognitive capacity (confusion about how big my home is would be both common, and clinically significant, and ‘condo’ doesn’t necessarily give as clear a picture as you might think).
Your parents: I’ve come across this many times (always vomunteered for the residents doing their exams while I was hospitalised, so I’ve done a shittonne of intakes). They ask for names for easy future reference. Oftentimes it’s followed by the name and order of siblings, and many will sketch out a basic family tree diagram, then ask for the mental health history of each person, and add notes to the family tree sketch accordingly.
What year did you do your volunteer work: it seems at this point you may have steered the conversation away from the set process she had for doing an intake. They develop set intake processes so that they know once hey get to their last question they’ve covered everything. It’s inflexible, but it makes the awkward process go smoother...sometimes.
What year was it when: she’s likely asking because if you have memory issues, that’s relevant. I now have 2 people in my dog class with ptsd and memory issues. But in both cases, you need to ask them about that specifically - they are there to train a dog to help them with their ptsd, and they have memory issues, what more do I need to know?
In both cases, they have specific memory issues - short term memory issues, due to TBI (not their ptsd). Their TBI isn’t why they’re in my class, but I need to know that. Because they won’t remember what they learned in class, unless I find out what tools they’re using to accommodate their TBI, and accommodate those needs.
There are loads of reasons you may have memory issues, and it is very relevant to a T whether those memory issues are your ptsd, or something else.
By that point? It seems that you were in too much distress. If that was evident to her? An alternative would have been to offer to do the intake at another time. But for many people? Intakes are awful, intrusive, and best to get out of the way because if “We come back at another time...”, we never come back.
Like I said, I’m not trying to be provocative. But: you were irritated about this intake before it even started; you come to this T with a history of inept and unprofessional T’s behind you (putting it mildly); the medical profession is a trigger for you; avoidance is a go-to when we’re triggered.
Is it possible she was rude, short, and had shitty questions? Sure.
Is it possible that her questions weren’t entirely inappropriate? Yes.
I’m not trying to defend her. I wasn’t there. Maybe she was a flipping b!tch.
Maybe now isn’t the time for you to be doing this.
Maybe there are no good T’s available on your insurance in your area.
But is it also possible that not all T’s are incompetent intrusive amoral arsehats, and that this situation wasn’t so black and white? Um, yeah, I think so.
That’s not me saying it’s all you, or you should go back. But if an alternative perspective is helpful? That’s all I’ve tried to offer.
Thing is, it is brilliant that you come to therapy with specific goals. But she wouldn’t be doing her job if she didn’t do a proper, standardised intake. She hasn’t met you, and it would be inappropriate of her to assume your level of insight, diagnosis, living situation, safety, relevant history, cognitive capacity, other health conditions, etc etc.
Many people come to therapy with goals. A whole lot of the time? Their goals change once they’re in the hands of a capable therapist.
- Post starter
- #18
Justmehere
Sponsor
@Sideways - great feedback! I think you bring up a good perspective on this.
I think the core issue for me is that I'm fairly burned out, and what I am looking for in therapy is fairly specific and limited. Anything that goes on fishing expeditions or doesn't seem like a therapist has the basics together is beyond my limits and motivation to engage. I feel irritated about it before I even go to a session. That was why I posted this thread at the start...
I have tried, maybe too many times, to make this style of therapy work, and I simply don't have it in me right now. I want a therapist who is flexible, on my side and empathetic, more than anything else. I'm going to care A LOT about ethics, boundaries, confidentiality, and generally having one's shit together for their practice. Everything else is secondary. I did high-pressure confrontational therapy and I let go of lots of problems until it broke me pretty badly.
When I picture the type of therapy I can get myself to do, it's soft and empathetic. I'm not sure therapy is something I can do right now. I was annoyed just thinking about doing this session. I worked hard to get to a place of openness, willingness, an attitude of being warm and willing to take tiny risks. Then I'm met with an adversarial pushy therapist. She seemed cold and like she wasn't listening. Everything she said could have been different, but if she was still the same cold and disconnected style.... I can't do it. It's beyond me. I don't know if I should keep trying to find someone.
I also generally don't agree with the style of treatment of starting off with this level of superfine detail with someone that you just met. It would have helped more if she could have said more than her name about her... Like her training, how she does things, and for her to go over things like cancelation policies, etc... instead, she was walking around her house doing stuff and firing away questions. I told her at the end all the things I wanted in therapy. Warmth, empathy, etc. A screen that isn't bouncing around. She started to adjust as I went on and on those last 10 minutes. But those last 10 minutes shouldn't have been something I had to really push to get.
I know some clinics have to get exact income, and I will do it when required, to a point. I have never gained any benefit from doing it. It's really about the clinic and funding checklists. They are not trained in school to treat someone who makes $23,000 and $23,500 differently. They are not trained to treat $5,000 and $500,000 much differently. Funders require that info, but it's not part of how to develop a therapeutic alliance at an intake. And frankly, income numbers don't actually indicate if finances are a stressor. The most effective question I've seen on this topic is questions like, "Do you struggle to pay your bills?" "Do you have financial stressors?" This actually gets at the therapeutic value of getting into finances MUCH better. I have known and worked with people with $100,000 income in bankruptcy court and about to lose their home and struggling to put food on the table, and people making $30,000 and not stressed out and paying their bills just fine.
I explained my income varies month to month, gave her the average per month, within $50. She wanted each month to the dollar. I told her I don't have that info. Why don't you have that info?
"I've never had to bring pay stubs to an intake before... "
I told her it's in the other room, but I'm not going to get it. I explained where financial stressors exist and don't exist... trying to get at something to help her understand my life. It didn't seem to register. She was still stuck on the dollar amount, and not the stressor. I could explain the stressor in EXACTING obsessive levels of detail if she had listened. The dollar amount thing creeped me out. Beyond my limits. I gave what would have worked for an intake most anywhere, including income-based clinics.
I gave her the square footage of my apartment. The exact square footage... And still. The response was to get stuck on condo or apartment. What is even the difference? I've never had a therapist do this. They will ask address, and maybe who I live with... but square footage isn't enough? I give up.
The lack of intake forms didn't worry me much on a clinical level, but they did on an administrative and ethical level. I need a therapist who has their stuff together after risking too much with a therapist who never did have it together. These forms are actually required by my insurance, and I am very famillar with them. She asked for NONE of the information those farms require. They have some goofy questions too. So. I expected that.
She had no disclosure notice. State law requires it is given out before the intake starts. 2 days later, she is calling me several times a day asking I sign that notice. I'm glad she sent it now.... She sent me the insurance forms she was supposed to follow, and told me she won't get paid until I complete them for her now. Yeah. I know. I told her as much at the intake. She ignored it. BUT, I really don't care about intake forms. I care that the whole session felt so out of control. And I want to know who the hell I am meeting with at an intake. Disclosure forms are helpful.
When she was going through the list of questions, I asked to see the checklist she was following. She said she had none. She wasn't following any forms. She ignored me on the insurance forms telling me she had been doing this many years, she knows what needs to happen. FINE. I asked about the process, as I have done in other intakes, and usually, the therapist can say generally, first I need to get demographics, then family history, then medical info... She was just making it up as we went. As she walked around her house. She wasn't writing things down. She was walking around and kept sitting in different rooms and getting up... I have ADHD. I was sitting a lot more still than she was. It was distracting. She was asking questions off-screen sometimes...
Now that I do have the disclosure form, she has worked at a bunch of hospitals and facilities and not much at all in private practice, so that's probably why she was this way. She was just going through whatever she has asked over the years. I wish I would have known going into it. What she did was more typical of a cranky admissions intake person for a hospital...
And yeah, I was fine with exploring memory issues, but I had tried several times to state I have PTSD, I have confirmed memory issues from that, but that didn't even seem to register. Not remembering the exact date of a minor thing 10 years ago is not pathological. It was weird. At the end she was like so you have irritability issues, but I don't know what else is going on with you.
Uh. for one, I have PTSD. I'm pretty direct and if a therapist can't hear me say I HAVE PTSD but gets stuck on what is the first name of my mom... that's a therapist that can't help me see the forest. That is a therapist that will reinforce my own tendency to get stuck on trees.
The BIG issue, which is what prompted me to start this thread, is that I am SO burned out, and so craving a safe confidential space to gently talk to someone... I don't have anything in me to handle all of this.
When she called today and I answered. I mistakenly thought it was a work-related call, she was the same. Started asking lots of questions. I told her, "I am unable to talk about these matters at this time. I am engaged in another task in public and I can't discuss these private matters here. I got your message about the disclosure forms and I will respond when I am able."
She pushed to ask many more questions. How am I? when will I schedule again? What do I want to work on? Do I think I can work with her?
I have nothing in me to engage. I am SO shut down. I blocked her. I need to write something to the practice manager and do the form so she will be paid... but it takes so much more energy than I have right now.
I need help, but I'm so exhausted.
I think the core issue for me is that I'm fairly burned out, and what I am looking for in therapy is fairly specific and limited. Anything that goes on fishing expeditions or doesn't seem like a therapist has the basics together is beyond my limits and motivation to engage. I feel irritated about it before I even go to a session. That was why I posted this thread at the start...
I have tried, maybe too many times, to make this style of therapy work, and I simply don't have it in me right now. I want a therapist who is flexible, on my side and empathetic, more than anything else. I'm going to care A LOT about ethics, boundaries, confidentiality, and generally having one's shit together for their practice. Everything else is secondary. I did high-pressure confrontational therapy and I let go of lots of problems until it broke me pretty badly.
When I picture the type of therapy I can get myself to do, it's soft and empathetic. I'm not sure therapy is something I can do right now. I was annoyed just thinking about doing this session. I worked hard to get to a place of openness, willingness, an attitude of being warm and willing to take tiny risks. Then I'm met with an adversarial pushy therapist. She seemed cold and like she wasn't listening. Everything she said could have been different, but if she was still the same cold and disconnected style.... I can't do it. It's beyond me. I don't know if I should keep trying to find someone.
This all makes sense. In many ways, I think you are right.
I also generally don't agree with the style of treatment of starting off with this level of superfine detail with someone that you just met. It would have helped more if she could have said more than her name about her... Like her training, how she does things, and for her to go over things like cancelation policies, etc... instead, she was walking around her house doing stuff and firing away questions. I told her at the end all the things I wanted in therapy. Warmth, empathy, etc. A screen that isn't bouncing around. She started to adjust as I went on and on those last 10 minutes. But those last 10 minutes shouldn't have been something I had to really push to get.
I know some clinics have to get exact income, and I will do it when required, to a point. I have never gained any benefit from doing it. It's really about the clinic and funding checklists. They are not trained in school to treat someone who makes $23,000 and $23,500 differently. They are not trained to treat $5,000 and $500,000 much differently. Funders require that info, but it's not part of how to develop a therapeutic alliance at an intake. And frankly, income numbers don't actually indicate if finances are a stressor. The most effective question I've seen on this topic is questions like, "Do you struggle to pay your bills?" "Do you have financial stressors?" This actually gets at the therapeutic value of getting into finances MUCH better. I have known and worked with people with $100,000 income in bankruptcy court and about to lose their home and struggling to put food on the table, and people making $30,000 and not stressed out and paying their bills just fine.
I explained my income varies month to month, gave her the average per month, within $50. She wanted each month to the dollar. I told her I don't have that info. Why don't you have that info?
"I've never had to bring pay stubs to an intake before... "
I told her it's in the other room, but I'm not going to get it. I explained where financial stressors exist and don't exist... trying to get at something to help her understand my life. It didn't seem to register. She was still stuck on the dollar amount, and not the stressor. I could explain the stressor in EXACTING obsessive levels of detail if she had listened. The dollar amount thing creeped me out. Beyond my limits. I gave what would have worked for an intake most anywhere, including income-based clinics.
I gave her the square footage of my apartment. The exact square footage... And still. The response was to get stuck on condo or apartment. What is even the difference? I've never had a therapist do this. They will ask address, and maybe who I live with... but square footage isn't enough? I give up.
The lack of intake forms didn't worry me much on a clinical level, but they did on an administrative and ethical level. I need a therapist who has their stuff together after risking too much with a therapist who never did have it together. These forms are actually required by my insurance, and I am very famillar with them. She asked for NONE of the information those farms require. They have some goofy questions too. So. I expected that.
She had no disclosure notice. State law requires it is given out before the intake starts. 2 days later, she is calling me several times a day asking I sign that notice. I'm glad she sent it now.... She sent me the insurance forms she was supposed to follow, and told me she won't get paid until I complete them for her now. Yeah. I know. I told her as much at the intake. She ignored it. BUT, I really don't care about intake forms. I care that the whole session felt so out of control. And I want to know who the hell I am meeting with at an intake. Disclosure forms are helpful.
When she was going through the list of questions, I asked to see the checklist she was following. She said she had none. She wasn't following any forms. She ignored me on the insurance forms telling me she had been doing this many years, she knows what needs to happen. FINE. I asked about the process, as I have done in other intakes, and usually, the therapist can say generally, first I need to get demographics, then family history, then medical info... She was just making it up as we went. As she walked around her house. She wasn't writing things down. She was walking around and kept sitting in different rooms and getting up... I have ADHD. I was sitting a lot more still than she was. It was distracting. She was asking questions off-screen sometimes...
Now that I do have the disclosure form, she has worked at a bunch of hospitals and facilities and not much at all in private practice, so that's probably why she was this way. She was just going through whatever she has asked over the years. I wish I would have known going into it. What she did was more typical of a cranky admissions intake person for a hospital...
And yeah, I was fine with exploring memory issues, but I had tried several times to state I have PTSD, I have confirmed memory issues from that, but that didn't even seem to register. Not remembering the exact date of a minor thing 10 years ago is not pathological. It was weird. At the end she was like so you have irritability issues, but I don't know what else is going on with you.
Uh. for one, I have PTSD. I'm pretty direct and if a therapist can't hear me say I HAVE PTSD but gets stuck on what is the first name of my mom... that's a therapist that can't help me see the forest. That is a therapist that will reinforce my own tendency to get stuck on trees.
The BIG issue, which is what prompted me to start this thread, is that I am SO burned out, and so craving a safe confidential space to gently talk to someone... I don't have anything in me to handle all of this.
When she called today and I answered. I mistakenly thought it was a work-related call, she was the same. Started asking lots of questions. I told her, "I am unable to talk about these matters at this time. I am engaged in another task in public and I can't discuss these private matters here. I got your message about the disclosure forms and I will respond when I am able."
She pushed to ask many more questions. How am I? when will I schedule again? What do I want to work on? Do I think I can work with her?
I have nothing in me to engage. I am SO shut down. I blocked her. I need to write something to the practice manager and do the form so she will be paid... but it takes so much more energy than I have right now.
I need help, but I'm so exhausted.
- Moderator
- #19
Sideways
VIP Member
Tbh I think that’s a brilliant conclusion. I absolutely agree that you just seem plain old burnt out with this type of therapy, and that some of the other approaches you’re using (like the equine therapy and the swimming) are going to be more what you’re up to at this particular point in time.
There is no therapist in an office. They don’t have a list of personal questions. But they still help you even out your distress, engage in helpful and meaningful activity, and (key) work on having some people in your life that are just reliable at being there. Not even necessary listening, but just being present, and taking you and your head somewhere else.
Because some of the responses you’ve described giving this lady? Don’t sound like healthy, coping JMH. They sound like “my walls and defences are up and my weapons are online” JMH. The comment about “I don’t have my resume”? That’s passive aggressive. And maybe she deserved it, but that’s no you.
For me? I’m surprised she didn’t start probing earlier. Your reluctance to share your parents names? It may not seem relevant to you, but that’s pretty unusual. Most patients would have no problem disclosing that, and you shutting her out so early on, over such a small question, is very relevant.
For some people, that’s relevant because they’re paranoid, as part of their pathology. I mean, you’re going to talk some pretty personal stuff with this person, so surely the first name of your parents shouldn’t be setting off a stable patient’s alarm bells.
For you? It was so incredibly relevant. It was a great big red flag about where you at currently at with confidence, disclosure, trust. It indicates that it’s going to take a shitload of hard work for a T to earn your trust (and in your case, that makes perfect sense).
When you’re at the point where your boundaries with any prospective T are at: questions have to seem clearly relevant to me (not just my T) for me to answer? Then I think it’s a sign that this isn’t perhaps the right route for you right now.
I think maybe put aside hyperanalysing who was right or wrong in this situation. The fact is that the intake process? Was too much for you right now. So why put yourself through that, especially if you’re having successes and setting new goals in other modalities.
You don’t need to do talk therapy just because a lot of other people find it helpful. If it doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you. For all that you’d like someone to just “offload” to, a T is always going to come from a different perspective: they want to help you heal, and make progress, and they have their own concept of what that looks like.
I think you will find someone who you feel safe sharing with. I’m not convinced that person is going to be a “sit in this chair and talk to me” therapist for you. To me? It seems like this therapy process is routinely just more and more distressing for you. Your mental well-being gets more out of a swimming session or a personal training session than that, so why would you put yourself through that specific form of therapy, now that you know how distressing even just the intake process is for you?
ETA Maybe at this point in time for you, the first criteria for any form of therapy you try out is: it needs to not involve any kind of medical clinic...?
There is no therapist in an office. They don’t have a list of personal questions. But they still help you even out your distress, engage in helpful and meaningful activity, and (key) work on having some people in your life that are just reliable at being there. Not even necessary listening, but just being present, and taking you and your head somewhere else.
Because some of the responses you’ve described giving this lady? Don’t sound like healthy, coping JMH. They sound like “my walls and defences are up and my weapons are online” JMH. The comment about “I don’t have my resume”? That’s passive aggressive. And maybe she deserved it, but that’s no you.
For me? I’m surprised she didn’t start probing earlier. Your reluctance to share your parents names? It may not seem relevant to you, but that’s pretty unusual. Most patients would have no problem disclosing that, and you shutting her out so early on, over such a small question, is very relevant.
For some people, that’s relevant because they’re paranoid, as part of their pathology. I mean, you’re going to talk some pretty personal stuff with this person, so surely the first name of your parents shouldn’t be setting off a stable patient’s alarm bells.
For you? It was so incredibly relevant. It was a great big red flag about where you at currently at with confidence, disclosure, trust. It indicates that it’s going to take a shitload of hard work for a T to earn your trust (and in your case, that makes perfect sense).
When you’re at the point where your boundaries with any prospective T are at: questions have to seem clearly relevant to me (not just my T) for me to answer? Then I think it’s a sign that this isn’t perhaps the right route for you right now.
I think maybe put aside hyperanalysing who was right or wrong in this situation. The fact is that the intake process? Was too much for you right now. So why put yourself through that, especially if you’re having successes and setting new goals in other modalities.
You don’t need to do talk therapy just because a lot of other people find it helpful. If it doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you. For all that you’d like someone to just “offload” to, a T is always going to come from a different perspective: they want to help you heal, and make progress, and they have their own concept of what that looks like.
I think you will find someone who you feel safe sharing with. I’m not convinced that person is going to be a “sit in this chair and talk to me” therapist for you. To me? It seems like this therapy process is routinely just more and more distressing for you. Your mental well-being gets more out of a swimming session or a personal training session than that, so why would you put yourself through that specific form of therapy, now that you know how distressing even just the intake process is for you?
ETA Maybe at this point in time for you, the first criteria for any form of therapy you try out is: it needs to not involve any kind of medical clinic...?
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piratelady
VIP Member
What type of therapists are you looking for with your insurance? Like psychcologist, psychiatrist (I know they don’t usually do therapy)?
I ask because when I used my insurance website to find providers for “psychotherapy” it only showed me the people working out of a hospital, big clinic setting, or those with a doctoral level degree. My therapist though - he’s an LCSW. He has his masters degree, but not doctoral level. He is in network, but I had to specifically search for a “social worker” for him and others like him to show up as possible providers.
I’ve seen it said on this site many times about finding someone with all sorts of credentials so they are qualified to treat ptsd. Mine doesn’t have those. But in my quest for a therapist (or when I wanted to leave this one) I've met with those types of providers or the ones associated with the big clinics, they are more regimented like you’ve described. I personally didn’t like it.
My social worker / therapist often does what you described - he just listens, he lets me talk while offering a supportive ear. He offers gentle feedback. There is room to adjust treatment to accommodate what I need.
I guess, I’m just wondering if you’ll find what you need if you look in a slightly different direction. Mine, his website doesn’t even specifically list that he’s a “trauma therapist” but when I asked him about it, he does, it’s just not specifically advertised. So maybe if there is someone who, based on their website, seems to have a personality you’ll mesh well with call and ask that question to start and go from there
I hope what I wrote made sense. I’m still a bit sleepy.
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Justmehere
Sponsor
Very fair. It was TOTALLY passive aggressive/bad attempt at humor to help myself cope. I was so close to just GO AWAY.
THIS is the question for myself that I can't settle. Why do this at all? Why not walk away from trying?
If there was 1 thing to work on at a time, like 1 skill, one subject, I'd be good with that. Instead, it tends to be like trying to take a drink out of a firehose. Then when I'm drowning it's like all my fault and I'm pissed and trying to just get them to shut off the damn firehose. With the equine T, she always asks, what are we working on today... sometimes it totally different than what I suggest, but it's not all the things all at once. It's 1 thing. Much of the time, we don't talk. We do stuff. So it's different.
I don't know where to find that person. I had a therapist like this once, and I don't want that therapist again, but her style was so kind it threw me in the right kind of way. It helped me shift. This was supposed to be the super warm therapist at this telehealth practice.
This is a really great thought. Almost everyone I’ve tried so far this year has all been Masters level (or less) providers. Only a few have any specific training in trauma.
Teasel
VIP Member
I dont know how this posted. Was replying to someone else!
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The Albatross
VIP Member
Lots to glean/learn from the Burger King approach to preferences and treatment. I will also say that I've seen a "pretty much" across the board degeneration in allied health/psychological fields.
Of course you know you would do better without all this extraneous shit. I think you're spot on about " am looking for in therapy is fairly specific and limited" & "I have tried, maybe too many times, to make this style of therapy work".
Please, try to explore other avenues of focused/specific/limited therapeutic treatment options? For me? There weren't any. I had to private pay. Key and most operative word for that decision was limited. Hard decision, harder for 9 months... to meet the session payments... but best decision I ever friggin' made.
Of course you know you would do better without all this extraneous shit. I think you're spot on about " am looking for in therapy is fairly specific and limited" & "I have tried, maybe too many times, to make this style of therapy work".
Please, try to explore other avenues of focused/specific/limited therapeutic treatment options? For me? There weren't any. I had to private pay. Key and most operative word for that decision was limited. Hard decision, harder for 9 months... to meet the session payments... but best decision I ever friggin' made.
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It seems you have had so many really weird therapy experiences. You are getting a lot of amazing feedback and you seem very open to them. The only thing I can add is this...there is no perfect therapist, spouse or even a mother. By reading this post, all I can think and feel especially the list you have for potential therapist is this: you are those qualities the soft, empathic, listening and supportive. If you work with horses then you have all those qualities...horses do not pretend or lie....they feel.
You are frustrated or annoyed because you are looking for traits you own in others. I hope you can see that in you. Please reread your responses only and you can see you are trying to find you in a therapist and yet here you are endowed with that knowledge. What is stopping you of accepting you have those qualities you seek in others?
You are frustrated or annoyed because you are looking for traits you own in others. I hope you can see that in you. Please reread your responses only and you can see you are trying to find you in a therapist and yet here you are endowed with that knowledge. What is stopping you of accepting you have those qualities you seek in others?
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