@flowerapple Thank you for bringing up this topic! I have similar issues with Mindfulness. Anything described as a Mindfulness activity has been problematic for me. And I just started DBT group therapy, and I didn't realize how much Mindfulness would be involved.
Guided meditation is the worst for me. My heart starts racing almost immediately.
Around the middle is anything where I'm supposed to focus on my breathing or breathe a certain way. I hate that! It's like, yes, let's challenge me to do something really hard and then act like it's somehow supposed to be calming and not panic-inducing. I think if someone sold an activity to me as, "this is probably going to make you panic," I at least wouldn't have the added judgment on top!
Lastly are things where someone labels a basic activity as Mindfulness. Usually when someone is trying to convince me that it's not terrible. I will mention that I go on hikes or sit outside and look at grass. Then they will say something like "That's Mindfulness!" Except, I don't actually do these things mindfully without thinking of anything else. So I don't think these actually count, but if they do, they are the least distressing forms.
But yeah, Mindfulness stuff feels like it could be good in the way that exposure to triggers could be good. It gives you an opportunity to practice other skills to regulate. However, since no one expects me to panic from mindfulness, and the guided activities all go on way too long for me, I typically am outside my window of tolerance in a few seconds. (Thanks for bringing that up
@Cloudymorning) And then I feel like it's basically useless for me. Because I just end up disassociating to deal with the feelings because it's too much too fast. So I don't understand the appeal.
However, with all that said, the longer I've been in therapy, I have noticed that I am now naturally more aware of things that I previously filtered out. I can notice my own emotional states better. And even small things like when I'm drinking my coffee in the morning, I notice that I am more likely to have thoughts like, "I am really enjoying this flavor/experience."
So I feel like someone might be like, "Well that's Mindfulness!" In which case, I don't actually have an issue with it, and I can almost see why that would be considered helpful, but to me that is a sign of my symptoms improving, not a tool to get there.
Which is why "Mindfulness" activities come across to me like someone saying, "Quick! Do this challenging activity while pretending it's not stressful! And it has to be helpful or you're doing it wrong because we just spent the 10 minutes before trying to convince you how great it is." Which is very stressful, yes? It just reminds me how different I am.
