PTSD or something else?

[grannysmith]

This is my first post, just giving this a go because I'm not sure who else I can ask.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in Oct 2014.

When giving birth to my Daughter in the June I lost 4 litres of blood, I had some intrusive and painful medical procedures performed without any pain relief because "there wasn't enough time". My Daughter and I nearly died, as I was told many, many times by nurses, doctors and consultants.

The whole experience left me so shaken and quite frankly completely irrational. I was convinced my Daughter was going to die, so wouldn't sleep I would watch her breathing, I wouldn't eat (I went down to 7st 8lb), I would have panic attacks if she even got a slight temperature. I would seem normal from the outside but on the inside I was a raw nerve.

After many months of therapy I got better and I manage it relatively well most days. Until yesterday.

I pulled out (creeping out) from a blind junction and got BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP from behind. The noise alone put me in a flap and panic and I started feeling those old stress feelings come flooding back.

I parked up and the driver got out their and started shouting at me (in front of my children) I said sorry it was an accident and they shouted a bit more then I walked off.

I got home and just fell apart. I have haven't stopped thinking about it since, I haven't eaten since, my stomach is in knots, I'm struggling to sleep and I feel a bit broken inside.

Why am I feeling this way? What's wrong with me? Is it my PTSD coming out in others ways for different reasons now?

I am so fragile and broken I can't deal with day to day adult life anymore?

I know it sounds ridiculous and silly but I'm worried this feeling is going to creep into every part of my life and I won't be able to handle anything.

Any thoughts? is this PTSD or something else?

 

[Gs172003]

This is my first post, just giving this a go because I'm not sure who else I can ask.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in Oct 2014.

When giving birth to my Daughter in the June I lost 4 litres of blood, I had some intrusive and painful medical procedures performed without any pain relief because "there wasn't enough time". My Daughter and I nearly died, as I was told many, many times by nurses, doctors and consultants.

The whole experience left me so shaken and quite frankly completely irrational. I was convinced my Daughter was going to die, so wouldn't sleep I would watch her breathing, I wouldn't eat (I went down to 7st 8lb), I would have panic attacks if she even got a slight temperature. I would seem normal from the outside but on the inside I was a raw nerve.

After many months of therapy I got better and I manage it relatively well most days. Until yesterday.

I pulled out (creeping out) from a blind junction and got BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP from behind. The noise alone put me in a flap and panic and I started feeling those old stress feelings come flooding back.

I parked up and the driver got out their and started shouting at me (in front of my children) I said sorry it was an accident and they shouted a bit more then I walked off.

I got home and just fell apart. I have haven't stopped thinking about it since, I haven't eaten since, my stomach is in knots, I'm struggling to sleep and I feel a bit broken inside.

Why am I feeling this way? What's wrong with me? Is it my PTSD coming out in others ways for different reasons now?

I am so fragile and broken I can't deal with day to day adult life anymore?

I know it sounds ridiculous and silly but I'm worried this feeling is going to creep into every part of my life and I won't be able to handle anything.

Any thoughts? is this PTSD or something else?

Nobody here can diagnose you with anything. If you're truly concerned your best bet is to see a professional. Welcome to the forums!

 

[Teasel]

Hi @grannysmith welcome to the forums :)

Am sorry you're so shaken up by this though it sounds perfectly understandable.

A couple things come to mind, I've no idea if they are right, see what you think.

One is the increased startle response you get with PTSD which could maybe explain the big reaction a bit?

So with PTSD you can have a period of time being fairly symptom free and so if you get a spike if symptoms maybe brought on by a stressful experience it's understandable you might be afraid that it's all coming back. But I think it could be understandable to have a spike of symptoms after a stressful experience and it doesn't necessarily mean you are back to square one, maybe just shook up by it.

But I understand the panic you feel about is it all coming back.

Does that sound like it fits at all?

Do you have an tools you have learned to help you calm back down and get grounded and stuff?

 

[grannysmith]

Nobody here can diagnose you with anything. If you're truly concerned your best bet is to see a professional. Welcome to the forums!

I wasn’t asking for a diagnosis- I already have one. I was asking for advice or an opinion on the situation from someone who might of experienced something similar.
With 4 children I would find it almost impossible to find time to get professional help unfortunately. That’s sort of why I am here in the first place.
Thank you I’ll find somewhere else for help.

Hi @grannysmith welcome to the forums :)

Am sorry you're so shaken up by this though it sounds perfectly understandable.

A couple things come to mind, I've no idea if they are right, see what you think.

One is the increased startle response you get with PTSD which could maybe explain the big reaction a bit?

So with PTSD you can have a period of time being fairly symptom free and so if you get a spike if symptoms maybe brought on by a stressful experience it's understandable you might be afraid that it's all coming back. But I think it could be understandable to have a spike of symptoms after a stressful experience and it doesn't necessarily mean you are back to square one, maybe just shook up by it.

But I understand the panic you feel about is it all coming back.

Does that sound like it fits at all?

Do you have an tools you have learned to help you calm back down and get grounded and stuff?

Thank you for your reply, it means a lot to me.

I have had a long time without any sort set backs and I felt like I’d conquered it and maybe got a bit cocky. So that’s why my reaction was such a shock to me. Also, as you say I might be having just a spike in symptoms.

I really hope it isn’t going to escalate. I couldn’t go back to how I was, it was so hard looking after my children like that.

I will have to start looking after myself again.

Thank you again

 

[Teasel]

Sure, sounds like a good idea :)

A couple resources that come to mind which may or may not be helpful

Pete Walker's website has steps to handle flashbacks. Which I found helpful when overwhelmed - I altered the wording to fit me better and he is writing about complex PTSD often caused in childhood which might not be a good fit for you.

Also the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris which I'm reading now and which I'm finding helpful for me when I get overwhelmed.

Best wishes :)

 

[LuckiLee]

Your stress cup runneth over. Read some of the articles here on the forum. Loads of information there. Sorry you were treated that way!

 

[grannysmith]

Sure, sounds like a good idea :)

A couple resources that come to mind which may or may not be helpful

Pete Walker's website has steps to handle flashbacks. Which I found helpful when overwhelmed - I altered the wording to fit me better and he is writing about complex PTSD often caused in childhood which might not be a good fit for you.

Also the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris which I'm reading now and which I'm finding helpful for me when I get overwhelmed.

Best wishes :)

I just read Pete Walkers steps. I see what you mean about altering the words and I'll definitely be reading it a few more times so it sinks in a bit more.

I find number 11 interesting, discovering your triggers, I definitely need to understand these a lot better. Preventing them seems a bit of a challenge though.

I'll have to look into the Happiness trap also, I'm glad to hear its helping you X

 

[Gs172003]

I wasn’t asking for a diagnosis- I already have one. I was asking for advice or an opinion on the situation from someone who might of experienced something similar.
With 4 children I would find it almost impossible to find time to get professional help unfortunately. That’s sort of why I am here in the first place.
Thank you I’ll find somewhere else for help.

Sorry I must have misread. My apologies.

 

[grannysmith]

Your stress cup runneth over. Read some of the articles here on the forum. Loads of information there. Sorry you were treated that way!

I'm having a look through the forums and trying to educate myself a bit more, its all so more much complex than I ever thought.

Stress is a part of life I suppose, learning how to deal with it is the key, I just haven't learnt it yet.

Sorry I must have misread. My apologies.

That's quite alright, no apologises needed.