Strange thoughts that accompany anxiety attacks

[Vero]

I have been an anxious person since childhood, worrying about everything, but usually I had a clear reason why (health, school grades, family members that were abusive, etc.) However, some years ago it got to a different level; I remember one night I was preparing to go to sleep, I was very calm and had a good day, nothing special, but I suddenly felt a sense of fear that was unlike anything I have experienced before, sheer panic. I got out of bed and looked outside my window and everything felt so strange and surreal. I was sick to my stomach and had now idea what was going on with me. Well, that episode didn't last for more that 2 min, but then it got more and more frequent throughout the day, to the point that I couldn't eat or sleep properly, my arms and legs would go numb, etc. But the most distressing thing was that I was having irrational thoughts I never had before, for example what would trigger another episode like this was the fear that I'm trapped and I can't escape this world, I was totally obsessed by this idea that I knew made no sense. I would also sometimes have the impression that I'm not fully present to what's going on around me, that I can talk to people but that I'm somehow far away and struggle to connect with them. At the time, I shared some of this with my dad who looked at me like I was crazy, which I was also wondering myself....
Anyway, now I very rarely experience this sort of anxiety, but I still have moments when it hits me and I'm afraid I might lose control over myself and get lost in this downroll spiral.
I wonder if any of you had these sort of thoughts and what they might mean...

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Hello Vero! I hope this helps some. When I didn’t know what my anxiety stemmed from I would often hypothesize it was because I was stuck in life, or stuck in humanity, stuck in boxes, or the world was ending or going to end and I had some psychic ability to predict it. I suppose some of that is still true (at least about being stuck in humanity lol!!) but now I can trace that anxiety to limiting beliefs from my abusive past experiences or to an increase in anxiety due to lack of sleep/pain etc. when I was a child I could never sleep. I would stay awake until 4am thinning and thinking and panicking.

The other thing you describe sounds a lot like dissociating. For me it feels like a bubble is around me and I can feel nothing. Connecting with people doesn’t feel real, it feels like a lack of reality. I usually get this when I’ve been so anxious I can’t handle the emotions anymore so my brain flicks the switch off.

Are you currently/in the past in trauma therapy?

 

[Vero]

Thank you @Strangelongtrip for sharing your experience, it's amazing how anxiety can mess with our mind. At the time these episodes started to happen I didn't knew about dissociation but the description seems to fit to some extent. I was mostly struggling because even though I knew these ideas made no sense I couldn't stop thinking about them and this would trigger another anxiety attack.
I never received therapy, I tried it once with a therapist that was not good and didn't search for another; somehow I got myself out of that hole and these episodes became less and less frequent, but I still experience them once in a while, especially during stressful times (moving, changing jobs, etc.). I will do my best to soon find a good therapist, I sometimes believe I'm not struggling enough to be in therapy and expect to be told that I'm fine and that everybody feels anxious from time to time and I should be able to handle it on my own. This was the feedback I got from people around me when I would open up about it, but I don't think they understood how unbearable these anxiety attacks were for me...

 

[grit]

I sometimes believe I'm not struggling enough to be in therapy and expect to be told that I'm fine and that everybody feels anxious from time to time and I should be able to handle it on my own. This was the feedback I got from people around me when I would open up about it, but I don't think they understood how unbearable these anxiety attacks were for me...

What you experiencing, the fact you are on PTSD site, there is no time better than today for therapy than ever. I also went to therapy while I did not really see earth shattering issue - anxiety -does not everybody get it? Depression who me? Nah. Trauma....what are you stupid? I deal with that and even if I did not, look at my outside life - is not great? Yeah! and then I broke down like a glass on the first day of group therapy.

Go before you are broken and in a bad shape. You will learn so much and you will understand you have a lot of people in your life who are invalidating you constantly.

Good luck

 

[Fahrenheit451]

I was very calm and had a good day, nothing special, but I suddenly felt a sense of fear that was unlike anything I have experienced before, sheer panic.

When this used to happen to me I would come out of a dead sleep in a blind panic convinced that someone was in my house and about to kill me. I would run around checking doors and windows and looking outside. After a couple of sessions with my psychologist she worked out a plan that when this happened I would congratulate myself on being aware of my surroundings and consciously tell myself “good job”. It took time but I gradually had less and less episodes.
If these attacks continue then find a professional to help you. Not saying they will suggest what my therapist said but If someone had told me years ago that I would be congratulating myself on having a panic attack I would have laughed in their face. You just never know what might help.

 

[AnnieMae]

It is really hard. My ex husband gaslighted me and I have nothing but panic attacks. My whole life has changed. I’ve experienced the same things that you have, the anxiety and the dissociation. I just wish there was some relief so I could make some changes in my life and get it back together. Now, I have no idea who I am. It sucks. I am not the person I thought I was, for sure. And everyone in my family just doesn’t get it. It really sucks. I wish that everyone on here could get better as well. The constant anxiety is always the worst! That, and not being able to make enough changes to get my life back together. I also lost a lot of my close relationships because of it.

 

[Vero]

I also lost a lot of my close relationships because of it.

I also struggle to maintain relationships because of anxiety and just my mental health in general. It's like I desire to have meaningful relationships and be close to people but sometimes the impluse of pushing others away and isolating myself is too strong.