Unprompted apology from a therapist

[grit]

So why not you bring it up?

My therapist apologized occasion s of I pointed out something. She never brought up issue but I also think that it really depends what the issue must be for therapist to bring back. It has to always benefit the client.
My feeling is this is not about the therapist at all but me exploring what these thoughts and feelings mean for me.
A focus on therapy is a sign of missing and looking for a function that they are providing and we as clients need to develop. This is my experience. I am sort of looking for an apology but what happens when I do not get what I want? Deeply subconsciously. I think I go for revenge and passive aggression if making others wait. I am not working on the surface.
This is my take. Even if the therapist apologizes, unless I acknowledge my underpinning need, it does not matter. I will just focus on others to provide the need until I acknowledge it in me and my need of it in others.

 

[grit]

I brought the issue up....she said she understood and my concern was a fair one....got apology....she did it again....and again....so apology didn't hole water after a while....that's just me though.

The more I recover, the clearer I see what those therapists did wrong with me. I no longer view them traumatixibg but fundamentally not understand me. At deep level, we did not connect and I felt invalidated that reminded me an older wound that I had no access to at the time. I own my adult experience and I am concoius of the therapy relationship. However, the feelings are right and valid but my understanding is different now.

 

[somerandomguy]

I don't think I've ever had a therapist apologize to me? Except maybe for something like the fact that they were moving away, or saying something appropriate about my trauma like "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

I don't think any of my Ts have really made any mistakes worth apologizing for. I'm pretty self-directed in therapy, so maybe that's the reason. When they've made less than helpful suggestions (or REALLY UNHELPFUL suggestions) I just accept that's part of the back-and-forth of therapy, so we just move on and no apologies are necessary. Possibly someone apologized along the way for something unhelpful, but I don't even remember because it didn't mean anything to me.

Not to say those of you who need to hear apologies are wrong at all. It's possible that I'm too go-along to get-along.

 

[grit]

I don't think I've ever had a therapist apologize to me? Except maybe for something like the fact that they were moving away, or saying something appropriate about my trauma like "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

I don't think any of my Ts have really made any mistakes worth apologizing for. I'm pretty self-directed in therapy, so maybe that's the reason. When they've made less than helpful suggestions (or REALLY UNHELPFUL suggestions) I just accept that's part of the back-and-forth of therapy, so we just move on and no apologies are necessary. Possibly someone apologized along the way for something unhelpful, but I don't even remember because it didn't mean anything to me.

Not to say those of you who need to hear apologies are wrong at all. It's possible that I'm too go-along to get-along.

I think that is precisely my point. The therapy apology is a placeholder for deeper meaning. The whole point of therapy is not just what the therapist or me do or do not but the meaning behind it for me to recover what brought me to therapy.

I felt by posting this perhaps I have this need (unconscious wish or want or something) that I wanted to be apologised to but even more importantly, I am becoming conscious of what happens if I am not apologized to and even deeper how does that relate to the issue that brought me to therapy - my childhood trauma and its lenses and its impact on my my way of thinking and feeling today.

Therapy is self or psychic surgery, everything that happens has a meaning if not right then, then implicitly and one would need to become conscious of, otherwise, one is not progressing in therapy. To me that is the point of therapy. I am also very self-directed and the point you make about that seems to validate a feeling I had that maybe if my therapist needs to apologize she does when I bring up something - and usually honestly I need clarification of the thing not so much apology but more like did I imagine that? is that how my lenses work or did you(the therapist) misunderstand what I said? and interestingly enough, it is usually I attached way more feelings to the thing than it deserved and I see wow! that is how blur my lenses are and this is when I get insight or aha moments - in therapy or shortly afterwards when I reflect on the conversation.

Interesting views on this and I am quite impressed. I was not expecting so many angles.

 

[TruthSeeker]

The more I recover, the clearer I see what those therapists did wrong with me. I no longer view them traumatixibg but fundamentally not understand me. At deep level, we did not connect and I felt invalidated that reminded me an older wound that I had no access to at the time. I own my adult experience and I am concoius of the therapy relationship. However, the feelings are right and valid but my understanding is different now.

That can make a lot of difference.....one's perceptions...at least for me, when I let something sit a while, often I give myself more distance and time to see things differently. This usually helps in putting it to rest.

 

[MyWillow]

My psydoc apologised for triggering me but said that she was glad she could be there for me. To my absolute surprise - shaking, crying, dissociated - I replied that so was I. It was always my fault so this was extremely powerful.

 

[rightkindofme]

I had a therapist apologize because we worked together for 5 years and she never identified that I have ADHD and autism in addition to the other things that are complicated in my brain. She referred me out to official diagnosticians when I asked but she was very negative about the likelihood of either possibility. The folks who diagnosed me were absolutely adamant that I have both other comorbid conditions in addition to PTSD.

It really has changed a lot about how I view myself. I'm not manic at all--there are times I get into a hyper work state. Not everything that is wonky about how I interpret things is because of PTSD, I'm autistic and fairly rigid in how I view the world and I need to find a systematic explanation for things before I can change. It's not just "get over my trauma" it is learn how to work with the neurological wiring I cannot change.

I felt that was a good thing to apologize for. I fired her soon after because the way she talked to me changed and became way more condescending and rude. I don't think she has a good view of autistics. Before she knew I was autistic she talked to me like I was "normal" and just working on getting through some rough stuff. After the diagnosis she started talking to me like a defective five year old. That sucked.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I had a therapist apologize because we worked together for 5 years and she never identified that I have ADHD and autism in addition to the other things that are complicated in my brain. She referred me out to official diagnosticians when I asked but she was very negative about the likelihood of either possibility. The folks who diagnosed me were absolutely adamant that I have both other comorbid conditions in addition to PTSD.

It really has changed a lot about how I view myself. I'm not manic at all--there are times I get into a hyper work state. Not everything that is wonky about how I interpret things is because of PTSD, I'm autistic and fairly rigid in how I view the world and I need to find a systematic explanation for things before I can change. It's not just "get over my trauma" it is learn how to work with the neurological wiring I cannot change.

I felt that was a good thing to apologize for. I fired her soon after because the way she talked to me changed and became way more condescending and rude. I don't think she has a good view of autistics. Before she knew I was autistic she talked to me like I was "normal" and just working on getting through some rough stuff. After the diagnosis she started talking to me like a defective five year old. That sucked.

People are complicated.....but the bright side is that I've met many autistic folks that were just bright, amazing individuals.....who like people with PTSD had occasional glitches in their way of thinking. I have glitches when I can't make an adjustment....kinda get stuck in an anticipated pattern....and in the moment....have a difficulty changing gears. So, the behaviors seen in autism are on a wide spectrum and I believe you have company there....with those we might call "normal-although that's a really wide spectrum. Glad you dumped your therapist and found another respectful one.