Piecing things together

[siniang]

I think I may have asked before or missed it in your thread, but is he taking medication for his ADHD?

 

[HealingMama]

I think I may have asked before or missed it in your thread, but is he taking medication for his ADHD?

Hi, yes, but he often does not take it except for work, much to my frustration. The problem is he has the ADHD procrastination, info processing problems, etc, but also prefers to cope with avoidance, and also stonewalls out of resentment not just "too much info at once brain is shutting down" from the ADHD and won't tell me on his own which is operating. If it was all just the ADHD I could handle it better but it's mixed in with other bad coping stuff or I guess I should say, ways of coping that serve to escalate my own anxiety and make me feel abandoned.

 

[HealingMama]

Found a resource on C-PTSD and this page offers a list of resources. Sharing for community awareness and also specifically wanted to summon @Sideways because they have a MC/RA workbook listed that sounds like you might find it useful if you've not used it before.

These people clearly know what they are talking about. It's nice to read something and feel like someone understands me and doesn't hate me for what my issues have done to me. I just want to feel normal not this f*cked up always trying to uproot all the problems compulsively person.

 

[Sideways]

Thanks for that - I have some reading time up my sleeve at the moment. The resources they've listed that I do recognise are pretty good ones, so I'll definitely take a look at some of the others.

Hope you're been good to yourself:hug:

 

[HealingMama]

Did some self care last night and tried to rest as he was at work and the stress has been difficult. Woke up around 11, he wasn't home yet, called to get an idea of expectations because all the night time agitation from him has made my bedtime hypervigilence return and that means if I don't know when he's coming home or if he's coming to the bedroom or whatever else I can't sleep for shit.

He was talking just fine to me. I was crying, did not want to, saying I need you to not do anything to scare me tonight because you've gestured wildly and raised your voice right when I need to sleep two nights in a row. He's all like what can I do to help you. I'm like you're the reason for all my fear so I don't trust you. You can't do anything if I can't trust you, just don't scare me again. Then I was up until 1 watching stupid safe tv (Queer Eye).

The one person you're supposed to be able to go to for comfort is your spouse and I can't go to him for comfort because he gets scary when I try to sort through problems. Being kind and safe when I'm not upset with him means he's not really kind and safe.

This weekend is my retreat and boy do I need it. I hope I can truly unplug from him and our issues to focus on my own needs. I'm taking yoga philosophy books and my complex PTSD workbook. Can't really afford to go on a retreat right now but I need it for my mental health so I'm doing it. God made credit cards for a reason ?

 

[Deanna]

God made credit cards for a reason ?

Ha! Ha! You got me tickled this morning!!

 

[HealingMama]

Welp, just got off the phone with a divorce lawyer because we had another stupid fight this morning and I said I want out, which he eventually said he agrees and this is stupid.

Shame on me for wanting him to try to find time to get in my pants when we have been disconnected all week, I'm out of town all weekend, and next week we are both busy working 2 jobs. And he knew at midnight that I was going to be home this morning because I told him so, and still, I'm not on his radar at all.

But I'm the problem here, because I just want to talk about everything.

What a shit ass way to start a wellness weekend.

 

[Deanna]

Welp, just got off the phone with a divorce lawyer because we had another stupid fight this morning and I said I want out, which he eventually said he agrees and this is stupid.

Shame on me for wanting him to try to find time to get in my pants when we have been disconnected all week, I'm out of town all weekend, and next week we are both busy working 2 jobs. And he knew at midnight that I was going to be home this morning because I told him so, and still, I'm not on his radar at all.

But I'm the problem here, because I just want to talk about everything.

What a shit ass way to start a wellness weekend.

:hug::hug:
You've really been through it, @Healing Mama

 

[HealingMama]

:hug::hug:
You've really been through it, @Healing Mama

???

 

[HealingMama]

At my retreat. Hubby and I didn't make up exactly but we finally had a long productive conversation about the ongoing difficulties. We both came away feeling heard which is a nice change. I wonder how long the lack of tension will last this time.

Apparently there is a yoga wellness treatment where they pour ghee into your eyes. I won't be getting that one done to me ?

 

[HealingMama]

Retreat was amazing but it was like $500 for 2 days so it isn't something I can do regularly.

Hubby and I had a great reconnection upon my return.

I had some energy work done when I was at the retreat and could feel some of these trauma based "programs" get pulled out of me. We also cleared my projected expectations of my husband so that I can respect him as he is. I feel like I accomplished what I couldn't accomplish in years of therapy. Let's see how things progress over time.

Feeling thankful.

 

[somerandomguy]

That's fantastic!!!! Is this a thing that anyone could do, or is it more like a Catholic Marriage Encounter? Asking for a friend hell no, I'm asking for myself.