Intrusive thoughts

[Seely]

Hi, I am new here. And newly diagnosed with ptsd. I am having trouble with invasive thoughts. The worst ones are waking up in the morgue, in a body bag, in the refrigerator and not being able to move; and being buried alive and knowing I cant get out.
I know it has to do with my situation. I was in the hospital, giving birth to a stillborn baby. I then started to hemorrhage and had to have emergency surgery and multiple transfusions. I told my husband I felt like I was dying. Next thing I remember was waking up tied a bed with a tube down my throat. I couldn't move and had no idea where I was. Of course, I panicked.
I have started therapy and a new med, but since its so early, it is taking a while. But I have trouble eating, I have lost 6 pounds in the last week. I wake up nauseous and stay that way. My heart wont calm down. I cant concentrate on anything. And I dont enjoy doing anything. Everything feels oppressive. All I do is think about these horrible things happening. And there is no way to get out of those situations.
My T said I need to reframe it and I am trying, it's hard, but in the meantime I cant get anything done and dread the day all day. T

 

[Vero]

Hi and welcome to the forums! ? I can imagine it must be really hard to deal with those types of invasive thoughts. I can relate to the anxiety symptoms and oppression, I had a period in my life I thought I would never get out of that hell...unfortunately I was neither in therapy nor on medication, it would have made a great difference.
I'm not sure if this would be helpful, but for me talking about my intrusive thoughts with someone in the moment I was having them reduced very much the impact they were having on me, just being able to verbalise what was going on as crazy as it sounded to me and get them out of my head. And also having someone that would be there for me and comfort me in those moments reduced my anxiety because I didn't feel alone anymore.
Be patient with yourself

 

[Tinyflame]

@Seely I'm sorry for your grief and trauma and loss of your child. :( :cry:

 

[Friday]

All I do is think about these horrible things happening. And there is no way to get out of those situations.

So there’s an ADHD trick that goes “Can’t control the first thought, CAN control the second.” ...that I’ve had moderate success applying to PTSD stuff. It’s not 100%, but it helps. Because, with intrusive thoughts, like with ADHD? That first thought is just going to come. Unbidden, unwanted, go the f*ck away :mad: just bounces right off of it. And like the wolves running in front of the storm, a gale of emotions is often right on its heels, so close sometimes it seems like there isn’t any space between the thought and feelings that knock me down. Finding that space? Or creating one? Is another trick, that follows learning to control the second thought.

One of my common -and easiest to handle- intrusive thoughts is about losing my fingers. And I think in pictures, so it’s especially gruesome. Whether going off my own history (I’ve had my fingers snapped and mangled bloody) or things I’ve seen + imagining that on me. Alost every day there’s a moment where I just -stop- and appreciate my fingers. (That’s the reframe your T is probably talking about). I stretch them, or clench them, or notice how lovely fingerprints make picking things up, or any of a hundred other things. If I DO lose my fingers someday? I know I’ll not have ever taken them for granted! I appreciate the hell out of them. Regularly. f*ckin A, I love my fingers. So much. Which I’m aware of almost entirely because of that first thought, where I lose them; now automatically shifts into the second thought, where I take a moment and revel in them. They aren’t particularly nice fingers, but they’re mine.

So ^^^that^^^ is one of my easier ones for two reasons
A) I still actually have my fingers TO appreciate, so the reframe is obvious.
B) It’s automatic. I don’t have to deliberately think about the second thought. I’ve done it so many times, under so many circumstances, that it would be hard not to immediately pair the two. <<< THAT is my end goal with intrusive thoughts.., where IF they come? The counter applies automatically. But it takes practice, and it takes time.

There are faaaaaaaar more intrusive thoughts in my life where there is no now, and no going back. They’re dead. Or gone. The situation is long past. All I have of them are my memories & my regrets. The reframe isn’t usually obvious with those. At least, not to me, although I’ve had some dear dear friends just supply it as if it were obvious (and maybe to them, it is), and it snicks into the lock like a perfectly fitting key hitting each tumbler. LOVE it, when that happens. Other times? They or I can find a piece... and it’s not a perfect fit, but it helps.

And there are some where the answer is actually to chase down the question. I call it ”The ‘And then what?’ Game.” It’s particularly useful with those intrusive thoughts that spiral out of fear into the future. Fear? Let’s us know that something is possible (The bridge could collapse while I’m driving on it! :eek: I could have cancer! :eek: ). But it doesn’t let us know how likely it is, nor what to do next. So rather than getting stuck IN the fear, I chase down the possibilities, until I have a game plan of what to do, IF. So the 2nd thought starts with intentionally thinking out solutions, and becomes “And know what to do / And I’ll sort it”. This one is a bit of a process of wresting back control, before it becomes essentially a conversation with myself that boils down to “I’m scared.” (first thought) “You’ve got this.” (second thought)

The third kind of intrusive thought I deal with a lot by using the “can’t control the first, can control the second” are the arguments with myself. “I want to eat my gun.” “But I’m not going to.” kind of thing, easy peasy, all the way down to long “debates” (they’re not debates, I’m going to win) where the first thought keeps coming back with different points. I’m stubborn as hell, which usually serves me well, but it means these arguments can take a long time. Word to the wise? As much as possible, try not to have them out loud ;)

 

[Ronin]

If you can think, it means you can get out.

If you cant think...
It meqns you get out later, when you can. ;)

If youre alive, theres always an out, and if youre looking for one, youre half out of the trap.

So what do you need to get weller for starters, can you portion your meals or change their type or get liquid meals or liquified solids that you could do with fine?

Hows your hydration, since ya mention difficulty focusing on anything? Might help calm the panic attacks and racing thoughts a little.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a terrible birth with my son, after 5 days of induction, I had a seizure and they couldn't do a C-section because I would die, and with a vaginal birth I would probably die. I didn't, obviously, but there were 2 code teams in my room and I, too, felt as if I were dying. I know how horrifying that can be. And I'm so sorry your child didn't make it. That has to be such a huge sorrow that I'm not surprised you have intrusive thoughts. I did after my baby was born. I kept seeing a truck veering off the road and hitting us. At the time I didn't know how to deal with it, but my last therapist told me to snap my fingers or yell STOP in my mind along with some kind of physical thing like a fist pump. This helps your brain to get the idea that it is controllable. At least I think that's what she said. It worked for other intrusive thoughts, so it may work for you.

This is a good place to be, lots of info and support.

 

[DharmaGirl]

How are you doing with your thoughts? Any better? Has the medicine kicked in?

 

[Seely]

Thank you for asking. I am doing better with my thoughts. My therapist is teaching me about reframing my thoughts and trying to destress. Sometimes it seems I make progress and then at times it's like I am going backwards. Guess that is normal. The meds have definitely helped.