Other Vaginismus - treatment options/ outcome?

[Mee]

I have seen there are some other threads where Vaginusmus is discussed.

I am hoping to get feed back on success with treatment and I know this is intensely personal and I don’t expect detail from anyone brave enough to reply .

The gynaecologist I saw suggested traditional dilators and also finding a thin vibrator to apply muscle pressure. I have previously tried something like the latter with a non vibrating tool provided by a womens’ physio with limited but some progress and then no more.

Today looking for both these pieces of equipment I cannot find the latter at a size I think is currently feasible. But I did find vibrating dilators.

I guess no one will want to say they tried them! but if anyone is able to say if they have made any progress with this condition over the time they have been treating it it might be either hopeful or expectation setting? The home PT is meant to be daily and I feel inviting the flashbacks that accompany this daily is a tough ask. My T thinks once I am doing it daily that I will ‘get a handle on it’ .

Kinda feels daunting right now. Whatever I order will take time to get here and I want to start ‘mental preparation’. ?

I also know this is a really big ask and understand totally if no one feels able to share progress or lack of. ?

 

[BrownLea12]

I have not experienced this, but wanted to tell you I admire your bravery and any able to talk about something so personal. I hope you find relief.

 

[Friday]

I guess no one will want to say they tried them!

If you ever need some really straightforward talk about any kind of toy/device? (Or condom, lube, technique, anything sex related under the sun) I can’t more highly recommend any Toys in Babeland shop (if there’s one near you) or their website www.babeland.com .

This is their vibrating dilator page... Toys | "Dilator" Search | Babeland Toy Store ...but there are a lot of similar products that simply aren’t graduated sets, but come in a wide variety of sizes. IE would be a lot more expensive in the long term, but that might work out better in the short term.

All women owned/operated shop, more like an Apple store, than a traditional sex shop; all brightly lit with clean happy smiling people who love what they do, and are thrilled to talk about it, or give you your space. LOVELY place. Great people. Phenom resource.

 

[Sideways]

Didn't know what a dilator was. But I can speak to the compact size and simplicity of a good quality bullet vibe.

Kind of like the size of your ring finger. With some lube they slide in super easy, and are usually just a simple tap the button to change stimulation levels.

Bullet vibes also tend to be on the cheaper end of the spectrum when it comes to vibes, so possibly a good place to start?

Certainly if you want to see the thing before making any purchases, head to one of @Friday 's women-run recommendation, and don't even bother browsing, just say to the staff member "I'm looking for x". I find when I'm straight to the point like that, not only do I avoid the parts of the store I don't wanna be in, but I also get better advice about which products are best.

 

[Mee]

Thank you all. @BrownLea12 i’m grateful for such a kind post . It was very thoughtful

@Friday, I don’t :(. But it’s possible DH can pick me something up. I’ll look at the site because it it will be useful and I really appreciate you finding the actual page?. Yes, more expensive in the short term but more effective is certainly worth expense.

@Sideways oh, yes, I hadn’t even thought of a bullet vibrator. It might be a useful part of the armoury! I don’t think I can do what the gynaecologist wants me to do with it, but I think it’s an excellent starting point that I feel is achievable and I already own one! I had forgotten because.... i’m Not really a sexual being these days ?

 

[rightkindofme]

I have used dilators to deal with my vaginismus. I needed the help of a physical therapist to get started (that was AWKWARD) but it was also really wonderful in a strange way. The lady I worked with was just... mind blowingly kind. She didn't understand. She had zero trauma history. But she would listen and validate and help me learn how to breathe and accept that my body is *mine* and I get to reclaim it if I want to. I think the physical therapist did almost as much as the dilators did. Once I got past the first level I worked on my own and things are much better now. I never used a vibrating dilator.

Honestly, using them in the bathtub while I watched mindless tv was really helpful? I wasn't paying attention to it so that I got freaked out. I was just pushing on the muscles delicately while my mind did other stuff. It helped my muscles learn how to relax and not treat all signs of pressure as an attack.

Good luck.

 

[Mee]

@rightkindofme, thank you for your kind courage, and the positivity.

Yes, I relaxed ok with the physio. And I managed the ultrasound on Monday. Painful but doable. But clinical; the setting and that it’s not intimate helped I think?

It’s odd combining it with love; possibly because I am so aware of what I could lose? Or because the cause that triggered my ptsd was by the only person other than my husband I have felt truly safe and vulnerable and that loving with; so i conflate the two ??. While logically I know the same won’t happen; the ptsd monster things my husband will be him. Or I will be him? Even? Where as a dr or the physio, while very upsetting and even panic enduring; cannot do to me what that person did even if there were a sexual assault:/ .

Touching myself is worse than the physio because I also also betrayed myself/ put myself in that danger , I feel :/.

I, Er hope no one is hoping for updates; I think progress reports here would be inappropriate ?

 

[rightkindofme]

So first... I would like to gently and delicately and kindly challenge you on the idea that you betrayed yourself. Darling, you were trying to trust and you were hurt by someone who wasn't worthy. Every single person on this planet misplaces their trust sometimes, sometimes to bigger effect than other times. It doesn't mean we have betrayed ourselves. We were honoring who we wanted to be and someone else turned out to suck. That's not our fault! I know this is really hard to feel in our guts.

Second, I sometimes find masturbation to be really triggering and upsetting, so that's why I was very careful to *not* masturbate while I was using the dilators. I distracted my mind and it wasn't even vaguely sexy. It felt more like using soap on my foot. Just... part of body maintenance.

It's good you can handle medical exams. Not everyone can. That's a good sign.

 

[Mee]

@rightkindofme. You are saying about me what my therapist does. You made me cry, in a good way. Thank you.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have it too, and because of it and my trauma, I didn't get exams for 22 years. Not a good idea, but during one of my exams years ago the male doc said, "You can take it, I'm using a teenage dilator on you". I was so ashamed. That was long before I learned about PTSD. I'm glad you brought this up, this is the first time I've seen it mentioned here (denial?) and I have to be sedated to get an exam.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have it too, and because of it and my trauma, I didn't get exams for 22 years. Not a good idea, but during one of my exams years ago the male doc said, "You can take it, I'm using a teenage dilator on you". I was so ashamed. That was long before I learned about PTSD. I'm glad you brought this up, this is the first time I've seen it mentioned here (denial?) and I have to be sedated to get an exam.

What an absolutely horrible doctor. I am so sorry. That's wrong for any doctor to imply that any vagina should be any particular way. Every body is unique and every woman has her own road with how her vagina works. I am so sorry.

 

[Mee]

I have it too, and because of it and my trauma, I didn't get exams for 22 years. Not a good idea, but during one of my exams years ago the male doc said, "You can take it, I'm using a teenage dilator on you". I was so ashamed. That was long before I learned about PTSD. I'm glad you brought this up, this is the first time I've seen it mentioned here (denial?) and I have to be sedated to get an exam.

I searched and found threads
but felt it sort of disrespectful to bump them?

FWIW I did sort of update on my diary. I am doing the homework. I found a couple of meditations on YouTube for pelvic relaxation I have been listening to while ‘dilating’.

I am starting with doing it every second day and feel pretty sore and sort of bruised/ like an uti between times. It’s very confusing with the idea of ‘respecting body warnings’ of red flags etc. Because my body says NO! To this but I have to do it. Feels really counterproductive compared to what I am doing in therapy and yesterday I definitely pushed myself beyond when I felt emotionally over stimulated during the day ( unrelated to this ) and its hard to create the difference of respecting listening g to body then and not here.

I’ll get through it. I hope talking about it helps someone; saying you are glad you saw the thread makes me feel its worthwhile.