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What to do with treatment options

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by LilyRose, May 15, 2018.

  1. LilyRose

    LilyRose Active Member

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    ok my mind is going crazy and I am out of options.

    they want me to do this inpatient intensive program because i didn't just build a wall, i'm a castle and they can't handle my strength.
    BS to me but hey.. who am i?
    i was sent to a therapist a few months ago for ptsd treatment. after like 6 times he was like, well, i am not sure you have ptsd... maybe it is just your tbi. well shit. that's what i have been told for the last 3,5 years and i finally started to believe it when they ripped it all apart by doing there own thing and telling me i did have ptsd and i really needed treatment and if i didn't do this, i could lose my job. After a while, me being me, i started to see the good things about it. So i really tried working on it. But i got so symptomatic after those treatments, it wasn't funny anymore. and then they stopped it just like that. leaving me like that to deal on my own. My therapist saying one thing, and my doc saying the complete opposite. Is it weird this is confusing to me? when my doc asked me what i thought and i said i don't know because i was confused by it all, he said i was avoiding. The fact that i could talk in therapy about what happened? And my therapist thinking it isn't ptsd? That's me building a wall... Basically everything is my fault. I can't do anything right. I am avoiding, i am building a wall, i am doing this or that, i am aggressive, my behavior isn't right... it doesn't matter what i say or do.
    So i am back in this corner, with no way out. I have to do this or else...
    How i feel about it? this treatment is going to harm me more then it will help me. My whole body and mind are screaming not to do it.
    they will push me so far over the edge, i will be so overwhelmed because of sensory overload and lack of energy and forcing my brain to focus and push through, it will take at least months to recover. But when i say this to my doc? Avoiding... He just says they're used to people like me (meaning ptsd) and they know what they are doing, i am not the only one bla bla bla. well, do they all have a tbi too? he just laughs it away because, you know... i have a wall and i am avoiding. oh wait, correction, i AM a f*cking CASTLE. I guess being a castle now means i cannot think? i really don't know what i can or can't do?
    and then there is work... they pushed me over the edge by making me do way to much stuff at once and i told them it would be.. so i had a major setback.. Guess what? my fault. Now i am screwed. they placed me for 20 hours because they said i can. I've tried for like 2 or 3 weeks so that is enough right? who cares. Now if i don't make it back soon to those 20 hours, i will lose this job, and will be kicked out.
    besides this all just dealing with my mom having some health issues, my aunt being terminally sick, my brother who i can't see and might be going to jail for years and not being able to see my newborn nephew and his 3 yr old sister.

    so... what should i do? ignore my own feelings, do the treatment and taking the risk of getting worse? well i am already feeling suicidal and depressed so when it backfires i might end up with only one option left...

    Or listen to myself for once and not doing the treatment? with the risk of losing my job, payment, and further help? And without the help, risking my health and might end up with that same one option left?

    either way i am screwed right? Or am i overthinking this and seeing everything the wrong way?
     
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Yes, you are overthinking and catastrophising.

    Is what you’re doing now working?....No. Time to try something new.

    Really, the only way out is through.

    Are you familiar with PTSD symptoms? They do not overlap 100% with TBI symptoms.
     
    somerandomguy and Rumors like this.
  4. LilyRose

    LilyRose Active Member

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    I don't know what to do.

    I know there is not a 100% overlap, and i have symptoms of both. And been diagnosed with both.
     
  5. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Maybe start with the very basics. Which symptoms are unique to ptsd? Which symptoms are unique to Tbi? Make a list of all of your symptoms you can think of. Which ones are causing you the most problems? Are you experiencing symptoms that directly point to your trauma? I mean, such as flashbacks, intrusive images, or nightmares where you relive the trauma?

    It sounds like you’re very confused and I don’t blame you given that your docs are all telling you different things! I think that it may be a matter of you doing your own research to try and figure out what is what. Docs know a lot but they don’t know everything. Knowledge is power, and maybe once you have figured out a few more pieces of the puzzle you’ll feel more confident going in a particular direction.

    :hug:
     
    Joan and Sietz like this.
  6. LilyRose

    LilyRose Active Member

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    It doesn't matter what i think or say. They're not listening to me. Ive been through a lot of testing for tbi and later on for ptsd.
    I did that, i knew what was going on with me but they keep tearing it down and confusing me. They are making me crazy and there is nothing i can do about it.
     
  7. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    So you are saying you have zero choice in your treatment options?
     
  8. LilyRose

    LilyRose Active Member

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    Yes. He said it was this one, or nothing. And he wont let me go with nothing. I can't go with nothing because i am not coping well... I am affraid what i will do if this doesn't stop soon.
    I want to try again with another trauma therapist. But he said no, it won't work because i am to strong.
     
  9. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Is this a vent thread? I think I misunderstood it’s purpose. My apologies.
     
  10. LilyRose

    LilyRose Active Member

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    maybe partially... i do want to know what others think about it and i really don't know what to do... but i think nobody can help me there...
    thanks for trying anyway.
     
  11. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

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    Can you meet with the inpatient treatment team and discuss your concerns?

    As it’s your personal doc/therapist who aren’t listening ...Perhaps the Inpatient team might have another treatment plan for you that works better with where you’re at?

    If I’m understanding correctly, your job/healthcare/housing depends on you being compliant with the treatment they’re offering (your personal doc/therapist). That’s common here in the USA with first responders & military, but not civilians. It would seem, then, that if your docs recommend inpatient, and inpatient recommends XYZ... that you’d still be “compliant” but with the opportunity to be listened to & with a different treatment plan.

    So instead of just 2 options (listen to your docs & lose your mind, or listen to yourself & lose your work & home), that the hospital presents the possibility of a 3rd option : a treatment plan where you don’t lose anything.
     
  12. LilyRose

    LilyRose Active Member

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    Yes you are understanding correctly. It all depends on me being compliant,
    he is my company doc and i work for the police. My therapist came with an different option, but the doc doesn't care. He thinks the t is wrong because its my wall that is preventing my t to see what's going on if that makes sense.
    And i can't contact the inpatient team because there has been no contact with them yet. I don't even know where it will be.
    It will be a standard program though. No personal treatment plan.
     
    Sietz likes this.
  13. Rumors

    Rumors I'm a VIP

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    If you go into it as a preconceived failure, then it will fail. How can you know what the treatment plan is without meeting with a treatment team first. AND, I really think you have to look at the fact you have an excuse or reason why nothing is going to work.
    Then ask for a meeting...set it up...get the ball rolling but what you are doing IS. NOT. WORKING. and you dont want to go on like this forever. I know it is scary as hell. It feels like your whole world is going to detonate but know that sitting in one place won't move you toward any change. And, it will get worse before it gets better. That part sucks to hear but it does happen that way. Hoping you will lower the draw bridge to your castle and let someone in who can help you clean house for a while. Sending you good thoughts and strength. Hang in there!
     
    Joan likes this.
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