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ED Disordered eating

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Tried on clothes. A breakthrough, of sorts, for me. Even though they were much too small, I didn't go bonkers on myself. It was just more of a check-in to see where I'm at. I'm trying to be more practical about my situation for now with all that is going on right now in my life. So well, I have to be here for myself and take car of the whole of me. ((((((VB))))))


I'm sorry you're struggling so @ms spock. Sending kindness and support. Hoping your world settles down a bit for you as well. ((((((ms spock)))))).
 
I'm finding that I'm not standing on my neck in terms of what is eaten each day, it's more about what I think is healthy to eat to keep me going until I can turn around other behaviors and realities. I think it's lost it's sway other than how I look. OMG, please, I can't let myself go there right now. I'm focusing on being kind and compassionate with my sad and disappointed self, and encouraging of the part of me that wants to get going in terms of feeling better and being healthier. Lots of balls in the air, as usual, but I'm trying to focus on maintaining on some fronts and finding footing in any measure on others. In progress.....
 
Have you considered it's a good, and entirely normal thing, that you eat and eat for comfort, @ms spock ?

And that your eating isn't the problem... your beating yourself up for eating, any eating, is?

Can you join us over at food threads in Social? ;) we talk about aaall the yummies everybody is having the day, down to Try this at home fellas :smug: recipes, and alternatives for Oops, but I'm on another continent :bawling: :hilarious: .

The joy of foods.
Not the shame and regrets.
 
Have you considered it's a good, and entirely normal thing, that you eat and eat for comfort, @ms spock ?
That's a good point @Ronin

And that your eating isn't the problem... your beating yourself up for eating, any eating, is?
Yeah that is so true. It is beating myself up for the eating that is the biggest problem. It's just another way for me to beat the crap out of myself. I always find another way for me to beat myself up.
 
I... wasn't saying it so you have other thing to feel bad about. :hug:

More like, what makes you feel good about eating? And about your body as a whole?
 
So I am really eating so much and I am using that as a reason to be so tough on myself. It's really not optimum.
 
'Xactly: lotsa people your weight / body type and eating as much don't guilt themselves for it... so maybe not a thing that needs that grief, if others don't do it?
 
Still working on this. I'm focusing on what I eat in terms of healthy options and taking supplements. I'm consciously trying to not be rigid and listen to my own inner voice regarding better choices instead of absolutes. Hello, the world is not going to stop if I have a tablespoon of mayo added to my chicken salad!

My weight is still unacceptable and unhealthy. I know that I need to do the work, but I'm trying to stay away from black/white thinking and going off the deep end back toward AN, so I'm keeping my focus small for the time being. Instead, I'm trying to use compassion and mindfulness when urges come on to engage in ED on either side of the equation. I'm finding that if I can stop and think about the "HALT" acronym, sometimes I can redirect myself and avoid behaviors. It's strange for me to actually be able to do this. I've been working on healing ED for so long. I'm different now; I feel and think differently now. I'm not sure whether or not this is a good or bad development, and I'm not sure it's productive to consider this right now, but I do think about it a lot.
 
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