Anxiety as rushing...

[PointlessExistence]

I have delusional-disorder, but even when it's in remission, I still have to rush everywhere and am filled with nervous energy. And if I have something to do the next day, I keep thinking about it and can't sleep.

I'll admit that sometimes my anxiety is delusion-based, like having the idea that if I, or someone or something, delay me even the slightest bit, it can cause a negative chain reaction that can lead to danger. Other times the delusions are absent, but I'm still in a hurry. I have to get places as soon as possible, and I get mad at myself and others if something slows me down, though I don't know why.

I've taken a lot of meds in general (though I'll admit some I've given up on too soon), and right now I'm trying to tackle this as ADHD. I have found a p-doc who will give me the meds I ask for (Adderall and Concerta so far). They have not made me feel any different. I need to give Concerta more time, but since it is a per use drug I thought I would at least feel somwhat different on it.

 

[Ronin]

Different issues with being stopped (not delusion based. But not being able to get to someone in time is a trigger.)

Slow is smooth & correct.
Or: If I slow the f*ck down, may gain time, instead of losing it, and clear my head, even if wasted time on it, which helps solving the issue.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Come on Ronin ? It says you're a "MyPTSD Pro", and you really are because I've read a lot of your posts and clicked like on quite a few. But you're just basically advising me to think logically. If I could slow down enough to think that way, I wouldn't have this problem.

 

[Ronin]

But you're just basically advising me to think logically. If I could slow down enough to think that way, I wouldn't have this problem.

Yes and no.

I am, however, saying slowing physically down can give your brain enough time to not scream at you with urgency and run in unproductive circles.

And one *can* slow down and pause even with racing thoughts, hyper speed objective situations. All that takes can be a few focused breaths, forcing the calm.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Ok, thanks. I just can't slow down physically, no matter how I try. When I try to slow down, it feels like I'm being buried (figuratively speaking) or that I'm falling behind the rest of the world (not figuratively speaking).

Now that I'm typing and getting this out, it seems more and more likely that the delusions are there even when they don't seem to be.

I've tried the breaths. They help me stay in the moment when I'm scaring myself with delusions about God and such. But when I'm in anxiety-mode, they don't work.

 

[Ronin]

Ok, thanks. I just can't slow down physically, no matter how I try. When I try to slow down, it feels like I'm being buried (figuratively speaking) or that I'm falling behind the rest of the world (not figuratively speaking).

Now that I'm typing and getting this out, it seems more and more likely that the delusions are there even when they don't seem to be.

A-ha, so buried under the weight of it all and not doing whatever it feels needed, because too spaced out to catch up?

What's the thoughts?
Or, the delusions content.
Since these mostly thoughts that don't work for reality well with mismatch of sensory sensations, that are super stressful, so wondering what do they imply for you will happen?

Maybe can work with that, move the urgency down a notch with seeing horribleness doesn't follow.

Does medication help there?

// Edited to ask

Or is it that you fall behind the world, the world changes beyond recognizable meantime? What happens to you, and what happens to the world itself?

 

[PointlessExistence]

My mildest delusion is that me falling behind will cause some kind chain reaction that will lead to my family being hurt. It's like if I don't do A as fast as I can, it will delay B, and push back C, and maybe by Z, a tragedy will happen - a tragedy that would've been avoided if I had done A more quickly.

I live in the suburbs and have all the time in the world to do things. However, if I tell myself that, I'll answer that thought with "What if you didn't have it so easy? What if you lived in a war-zone? Prove to yourself that you can do things quickly."

My worst delusion has me thinking that God is in my head tormenting me. This comes at various times, but most often when obstacles are in the way of me doing things quickly.

 

[Ronin]

Well there you have it...

That A doesn't follow Z.
There are actual ways to protect your dears, doing A isn't it. Finding out what you need to do, might.

Actual tragedies even with self blame, or could have done betters, are still not the person's fault, if they are not the (willing) perpetrator.

And I won't even start on the amount of times of Bored to death :bored: in a war zone. Or waiting on info. Or waiting on orders. Or waiting on resumed communications, at all. Or waaaaiting... :banghead:

And the times of absolute rush hour in first world countries.

That image of 'war zone' people who haven't lived in conflicts have of them just isn't reality. So don't use it to fuel other unreality, if you can help not tripping yourself up.

 

[grit]

Are you in therapy? I ask because of course logic will not fix unprocessed energy/trauma, body memory that easy but of course in therapy, it will come an issue on the foreground and probably you could address it right away? What do you think you are like if you were not rushing all the time? even more in depth?how is this affecting your relationships that you are protecting so vehemently at such a high cost? I am asking these questions because they may guide you to challenge yourself and see where you go from there.

 

[Justmehere]

PTSD alone will cause the sympathetic nervous system to be on on on. That can fuel anxiety generally. The sympathetic nervous system is great when we are in a dangerous situation because it fuels us to take action NOW. To balance out the sympathetic nervous system we also have a parasympathetic nervous system. It helps us slow down, rest, recover, etc.

Unless you for sure have ADHD (and your provider will have to sort that out with you) ADHD stimulants will risk rev up the sympathetic nervous system more. Handle with caution as you try out the meds. I’d suggest keeping a lot and rating the severity of symptoms on meds and off meds. When I was sorting that out for my ADHD, it really helped. (I hope that you find what will work the best for you!)

With or without ADHD on top of the other disorders, it may help to find ways to kick on that parasympathetic nervous system. I have ADHD plus PTSD and one good way that an ER doc taught me is 4 square breathing. Yep. Breathing. I hear you that I ya not working super well, but keep at it. It tells the parasympathetic nervous system to kick on. It won’t work super duper well at first but over time and throughout the day, it will become a cue for the body. 4 square breathing is one of the most simple techniques because it doesn’t matter a lot how you breathe in and out. It’s simply breathe in for 4 counts, hold 4 counts, out 4 counts, repeat 4 times.

Other techniques are mindfulness and grounding. Have you done much in that regard? Is it helpful? You can use the search bar on the forum you can find a lot of great threads about those techniques. It might help to learn to distance yourself from the thoughts. DBT is a therapy that can help teach how to observe thoughts and let them go instead of having them drive behavior.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Are you in therapy?

I never seemed to get anywhere in therapy. Strangely I didn't spend much time talking about anxiety. I was hung up on trying to be happy: fix the delusional/negative thinking and my depression. I don't know if I want to go down the therapy road again. None that I found were particularly good...at least not for me.

What do you think you are like if you were not rushing all the time?

There are times when I'll have something hanging over my head, kind of bringing me down - nothing too depressing or intense, just something that nags me. And my thinking goes towards that, and it stops the racing thoughts and anxiety. That is what I would like to be like all the time, but it only happens by dumb luck. I have never come even close to being able to get myself there purposely.

how is this affecting your relationships that you are protecting so vehemently at such a high cost? I am asking these questions because they may guide you to challenge yourself and see where you go from there.

It affects them negatively. I know I am doing more harm than good, but I don't feel I deserve the luxury of not rushing, plus I think the one time I don't rush will cause, at the very least, some kind of hardship. Without going into detail, they aren't equipped to guide me at all.

 

[PointlessExistence]

Other techniques are mindfulness and grounding. Have you done much in that regard? Is it helpful? You can use the search bar on the forum you can find a lot of great threads about those techniques. It might help to learn to distance yourself from the thoughts. DBT is a therapy that can help teach how to observe thoughts and let them go instead of having them drive behavior.

Thank you. I am going to read about the parasympathetic nervous system and DBT. I know I read about mindfulness and discounted it.

That's because I think "Why would you waste time practicing these techniques? I need to be ready." My thinking definitely crosses into hypervigilance territory. If I'm to think "Hey these techniques can help me!", I'll immediately counter it with "Why would you want to be free to take your time? If you take your time, chaos will ensue."

I hate to challenge every morsel of advice people give me, but that seems to show how ingrained my way of thinking/living is. I still like getting the feedback. I hope no one feels insulted by, or exasperated with, me for "having an answer for everything." I do it to myself day in and day out.