What exactly "is" dysregulation?

[Deleted member 47099]

We all know dysregulation when we see it (feel it).

But how *exactly* do you define it?

And what's the definition of being regulated as opposed to dysregulated?

It's infuriating to me to know exactly what it feels like, but to not be able to define it.

It's like trying to define things like rain and wind. That's when the air is wet? And when when the air moves around?

Sure, they're definitions, sort of. But they're close to useless.

Also, my understanding and perception of what "dysregulated" and "regulated" are have shifted deeply over the years.

It's like every layer of trauma I heal from I discover another layer of what dysregulation is and what being regulated is.

Which makes finding a definition that really "captures" those 2 things even more elusive :facepalm:

Any ideas?

I'd love a big variety of *different* input... People saying what it's like for *them* and not what it's supposedly like "for everyone".

 

[jenkins]

Well I read your post trying to get the answer to "what is dysregulation". Lol.

 

[Freida]

My ts version?

Dysregulation = I'm not a part of the outside world

Dissociation = I'm ignoring my internal world

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I have a friend who defines dysregulation as "my brain is eating itself".

It's the best definition I've found so far...

Tho I still think there must be a proper scientific/ psychological definition... of what the brain is "doing" or "not doing" when it eats itself :laugh:

Well I read your post trying to get the answer to "what is dysregulation". Lol.

:laugh:

Dysregulation = I'm not a part of the outside world

Kay... so this is making me think... I know that when I'm dysregulated I still "see" the outside world and I still "interact" with it, but my seeing is utterly distorted and my interaction is utterly messy. I'm thinking about how to define "distorted" and "messy" in that context now... I think for me, dysregulation really feels like a temporary kind of "insanity". My dysregulated thoughts are *not* what I would consider to be "sane" thoughts... even tho they feel utterly convincing at the time. I think there's a certain degree of paranoia to my thoughts when I'm dysregulated, there's an aspect of hyperfocussing and an aspect of catastrophising.

When I'm dysregulated (from mild to medium to strongly) I think my thoughts are truly "nuts". Trying to capture it in some kind of scientific/ psychological language makes me think of something like "temporary, mildly psychotic state" ? I've had friends with psychosis over the years, and I would say that when their psychosis starts up/ when it is mild, they become dysregulated in a similar way to how my brain gets dysregulated when it shuts down and eats itself.

I think I'll research that a bit... mild psychosis-like thought patterns as the brain's reaction to overwhelming stress?

10 Subtle Signs of Psychosis

Trauma and the psychosis spectrum: A review of symptom specificity and explanatory mechanisms

ETA: Sorry, hopefully this doesn't worry anyone reading it... I'm not trying to equate dysregulation with psychosis, or trying to say that if we experience dysregulation, then maybe we're mildly psychotic.

Just exploring whether there's similar dysfunctional brain patterns that occur in those two states (dysregulation/ psychosis).

 

[HannaD]

I'm not exactly sure. I thought it was what made me want to cry when overwhelmed. I hate crying, btw. I thought it was emotional dysregulation at little things that wouldn't normally bother me.

 

[Lucycat]

My simple explanation is that dysregulation of emotions means having inappropriate emotion. Like crying for no reason, laughing when you are really sad (yes I have had uncontrollable laughing over a dead body), just feeling up or down with no real reason for the excess of emotion.

I find it quite easy to know when I am dysregulated, more so than a specific reason why at the time. It is not a pleasant experience and has caused me to say that I’m going mad more than once. It is easier to comprehend from the inside I suspect.

 

[Friday]

Dysreg = Out of control emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It’s a very umbrella term that encompasses a whole helluva lot. Rage, fear, sadness, blowing up, collapsing in, lashing out, self harm... list goes on.


(Virtually) Everyone on the planet gets mad, sad, scared, nervous, excited, <insert emotion here>. Or has thoughts they don’t like, unbidden memories, say or do things they aren’t proud of, in the heat of the moment. That’s just life. People are not perfectly regulated cyborgs. HOWEVER... there are also very normal ranges, and very abnormal ranges. Some of the best examples of dysregulated behavior you’ll ever see? Toddlers. They’re unregulated, rather than dysregualted, technically speaking : Because they haven’t learned HOW to regulate themselves, are in the process of learning regulation for the very first time. Temper tantrums where they’re throwing themselves to the floor and bashing their heads against walls, and pulling hair, and screaming. (Ahhh looks like it’s naptime!) Crying as if their heart was broken and the world was ending... because the dog walked away from them. Smashing their best friend in the head with the nearest available object because they’re mad their friend took their toy. Smashing their own head into your face as hard as they can because... oh! oh! oh! SO HAPPY! Ditto whacking the f*ck out of you -or the dog, cat, kid next to them-with flailing arms because JOY! Biting, is another thing, that can be rage or joy, and hair pulling, and about 100 other variations of Yay! (They simply haven’t learned socially acceptable ways to crash their body into yours when they’re happy... like hit them on their hand -high 5- or chest bump, or bouncing around in a circle hugging and squealing or pounding them on their back. Shrug. ) All the things toddlers do? We do in waaaaaaay super highly curated mega moderated ways, as big kids and grownups. Determined by culture and a lot of other things (time & place).

Impulse control disorders, and disorders with components of emotional volatility &/or generalized dysreg? Require having to relearn the self control that toddlers and teens have already slogged through. Bringing thoughts/feelings/actions back in line to where we want them to be. (There’s no universal where they “should” be, it’s a very individualised kind of thing, that’s a marriage between the person themselves and the culture they want to be in). Different disorders have to go about that in different ways, because the cause is different. With PTSD you’re looking at things like panic attacks, anxiety/stress/depression, sleep dep, hypervig... and all the rest of it <waves hand around vaguely> ...contributing to being dysregulated in variously different ways.

Essentially? If you’re dysregulated, you’re (probably*) all over the place. A hot mess. Don’t know whether you’re coming or going. Erratic. Losing control. Lost control. Fighting for control. Holding onto control by your fingertips or the skin of your teeth. Not coping. Stuck. Frozen. Consumed. Subsumed. Flooded. Volatile. Numb. Shocky. Overreacting. Underreacting. Shattered. Gutted. Drowning. Cracks are showing. Feeling like you’re breaking, or broken.

* Probably... because, yeah. This stuff is on a spectrum. Someone can be 99% even keel, and only get dysregulated in tiny brief ways, that maybe no one even notices except themselves... or it can be massive Dysregulation that puts their own & everybody else’s life at risk.

 

[Tinyflame]

Agree most of all with @Friday's definition above.

From a (my) layman's perspective, I would apply it to myself when it does not feel within my control as I wish it to be, and is especially not in my best interests, or true to how I would feel when regulated. So the easiest examples might be anger or sorrow: becoming angry or rage (rarely useful), or even impatient (others might not recognize it but I would), or feeling sadness or despair that perhaps I shouldn't, or for anything over 'what' I shouldn't or to a degree I shouldn't. And by " shouldn't " I mean 95% wouldn't feel that.

But then again, I'll feel to a great degree what I feel, even if only 5% of people are more like me. I can alter that though with awareness, and practice, and things like exposing cognitive distortions. Or maybe it takes saying it out loud, or outside support. The regulation has to come from within (& like Friday said is influenced by sleep dep, hunger, grief, worry, etc), but it can be assisted or influenced (or conversely made more trying/difficult) by factors also outside of me.

I know emotions seemingly all over the map is considered a bad thing, and I agree if they change like the wind and there's no efforts at regulation. But in another way, some people are more prone to being affected more deeply. If a person knows that about themselves, they can limit or include the things that effect them really negatively, or alternatively bring them peace or surprise (surprise meant in the good way- can't find the words. :rolleyes: ). JMHO though.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Lots of food for thought - thank you!

I'm going to have to ponder the input and then reply to it one by one.

It is not a pleasant experience and has caused me to say that I’m going mad more than once.

This reminded me of something growing up...
I had a best friend from age 13 to late 30's and we met when we started high school.

She grew up in childhood (family) trauma, just like I did.
At the time, we both sort of knew it was "trauma" but it was also just our "normal" too, it was just how our lives were.

So at that age, we both knew what dysregulation felt like, tho we didn't know it had a name or if other people went through it too, or what.

I remember her saying that everytime it happened, she felt like "she was going mad". That aspect of "losing control of your own mind" is a pretty powerful experience and yeah, it can really *feel* like you're finally going insane.

Also, I remember her describing another part of dysregulation that I could relate to... She'd describe it as being really upset/ angry/ frustrated/ agitated and this feeling of "just waiting for someone to do something wrong and then I'll explode".

So... where you've gotten upset about something... and then you feel utterly unable to deal with further stressors... And if you're driving in traffic for example, then that feeling of "just waiting" for some other driver to change lanes abruptly or to do some other stupid thing (which, predictably, someone is bound to do... we all drive imperfectly)... and that feeling of *knowing* that a stressor will come along soon and knowing you will lose it and then going ape shit about some little thing...

So yeah, that's a memory of us growing up with that and having to deal with it, long before we even knew wtf it was or why it was happening.

Also, I think for both of us it was a particularly worrying event, because we'd both witnessed our perp parents dysregulate countless times.

So for both of us, we associated dysregulation with perps and with violence.

So that added to the feeling of "going insane" when dysregulated... We had that additional layer of "OMG, now I'm doing the same kind of stuff the perp I hate does" (losing control of emotions, behaving irrationally, seeming insane, getting disproportionately angry) ... That would be profoundly frightening and upsetting and worrying.

Edit to add: Also, growing up in a traumatic, abusive family setting, my best friend and I were both never really taught *how* to regulate emotions in the first place... A lot of the time, we were just *controlling* emotions... suppressing them... cos that's what we'd both been required to do growing up in a violent family setting... So "regulated" wasn't even our baseline state... Our baseline state was "medium level of dysregulation but able to force ourselves to reign it in"... And then yeah, there would also be the more extreme version of "really dysregulated and struggling to control it with sheer force of will power and feeling totally out of control".

I should also add that - in contrast to our perp parents - being dysregulated bothered us both massively, and we sought all sorts of ways to avoid it and control it - and we were aware that it was "nuts" and we did everything in our power to never take it out on others (cos we knew the damage that perps dysregulating did) - and I think we were basically successful... Apart from lamely yelling at someone in frustration or running out of a room and slamming a door... Neither of us ever lashed out in an abusive way... We *did* manage to reign it in, even when really dysregulated, which is what neither of our perp parents managed to do... They would just vent all the dysregulation out... without *any* noticeable attempt to "reign in" abusive behaviour.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

(Can't add this to the above post cos of edit limit times, but feel free to shift it there...)

I think for me, the single worst aspect of my dysregulation is this: For some reason, "obsessing" and "hyperfocus" is part of how I dysregulate.

I don't know if it's always been the case, or if it's something that developed over time... Either way, it's been a main feature of my dysregulation now, for many years.

This means that when something sets off my dysregulation (maybe I've slept poorly the night before and then some big stressor takes me by surprise) my brain doesn't have the natural tendency to eventually come out of the dysregulation, by itself. There is no tendency to spontaneously calm down and re-regulate.

Instead, the obsessing and hyperfocus aspects mean that my brain doubles down massively on whatever has set off the dysregulation and then goes over that in a constant loop of ever greater dysregulation. It really amplifies and escalates the dysregulation.

That bother me a lot.

I think if I can find tools to deal with that single aspect of it, then that will make a profound difference. If I could just get the spiralling and escalating to stop, by stopping the obsessing and hyperfocus, then that would help a lot.

 

[grit]

For me, I would say dysregulation was having tantrum as an adult and honestly its shame was too great for me to keep up. Now and then, when I have computer problems at work and the IT are so incompetent and stupid or I feel OMG they are so bad...I feel the rise of my dsyregulation of telling them how utterly useless they are but then, I switch to humor and start to hold this beast inside. I sometimes acknolwedge or articulate in my journal...I feel like yelling or throwing the keyboard...but then I see the humor of that if I was in a movie but real life...no I wont do that for obvious reasons.

I feel as I get older obviously this type of behaviour is not adaptable but I feel it sometimes just expand the space between the feeling and acting it out...practice in therapy if you can...and get the beast out in the open.

Ps. one time my husband and I landed at camping at night (dark and a park I have not been before) and when we were mounting the tent in the dark with lights but it is night so no matter what...(and rain coming soon), I dysregulated and started to really act like 1 yr....it was just really bad but I feel I was in safe space and maybe triggered. we talked about it after cause I really wanted to know what it made him feel...and that was enough for me to know (once and for all) the impact this really has on others around me....and now we laugh when I see the beast rising and it is no longer a thing.

 

[Ronin]

Dysreg = Out of control emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. It’s a very umbrella term that encompasses a whole helluva lot. Rage, fear, sadness, blowing up, collapsing in, lashing out, self harm... list goes on.

Or the opposite end / off emotions spectrum...

Too in control, but something crucial missing, and not because chosen to.

As in can still act very well. Think it through. Execute tasks proportionally to situation. But that alone doesn't mean regulation, just a very good surface balance: good at hiding a maelstrom.

Needs the missing piece added.
But very slowly. Micro dosed slowly. Right looks, touch, lines, flickers of light, smiles, subtlety.

The smooth that adds meaning to just surface smooth.

And needs has anchors, in the meantime. Reactions, reflections, reminders, that are right or the very least aren't wrong.

Because insert the wrong piece to *that* volatile unleashes hell tearing a person down, very fast.

//
This maybe can be phrased less metaphors / more Western, but not where&how I learned them things, so apologies to those the advice is f*ck all use. ;)

But figure most of y'all have normal emotionality issues, which waaay easier.