Other Haemolacria UPDATE: migraine, poisoning

[Angrboda]

Words are better now, but there's a black halo around the world and my eyelashes are made of light. Everything inside the halo is very sharp. I can see the printing dots on my chocolate foil. I've never seen those before. I feel stoned, but I haven't smoked anything stoney. I just woke up like this. Dan said 'embolism' but he just gave me an octopus then went to play video games for awhile. Now he wants to take me to Big Lots to buy a computer mouse with colored lights. This seems like an unusual treatment strategy for a brain embolism.

 

[Angrboda]

It's a migraine. It's the worst migraine I've ever had, but it's just a migraine. Evidently, they can screw with your ability to process language and make you feel stoned or like you're having a stroke if the aura is severe enough. I've drank half a pot of coffee so far, and it's getting better. I still have several ice picks boring into my skull and I'm starting to not be able to turn my head, but it's better.

 

[Deanna]

It's a migraine. It's the worst migraine I've ever had, but it's just a migraine. Evidently, they can screw with your ability to process language and make you feel stoned or like you're having a stroke if the aura is severe enough. I've drank half a pot of coffee so far, and it's getting better. I still have several ice picks boring into my skull and I'm starting to not be able to turn my head, but it's better.

Good! The reason I said hospital is the doc will always do an EKG? ( Ill have to think of the lettering) I've been where you are with a migraine and my face re-arranges to where I'm unrecognizable. Get somewhere dark. Feel better!

 

[Angrboda]

The headache and light sensitivity has gotten a little better, but I'm still having quite a bit of vertigo. Also, my sense of smell is really heightened. I just cut up a cucumber, and it was glorious. I'm not sure that should still be happening, though.

 

[somerandomguy]

If you go to the ER, you can tell them in private that you're not safe and they'll help you. Just a thought.

 

[Mee]

Just regarding eyes- I cried every day- often without ceasing - for two years. I did not get bloody tears. I am prone to eye infections and I got fewer of them during this time.

What I did get was very sore cheeks from them constantly being in salt water- I had red , tender track marks and blotches .
I very strongly think you should see a dr about this as a matter of priority

 

[Angrboda]

I'll be going to the ER soon. I was advised to call 911 and get police and paramedics here. They said they can take me to the hospital and collect evidence. I know I'm severely malnourished at this point, and I'm worried he's poisoning me. If you dose someone with Warfarin it can make them bleed out their eyes. I've also been having some fairly spectacular upper GI bleeds. He told me that was normal and won't let me see a doctor. It's not normal. I've had other weird bleeding problems, too. There are alternative explanations for all of that, but I strongly suspect he's doing it to me. I've had other issues like horrific edema, which is typically an indicator of organ failure. He looked at it, said 'Oh, that's a sign of organ failure', then refused to take me to the doctor. He just nonchalantly told me that death by organ failure is a process so we can deal with it later when it's more convenient for him. What? That doesn't seem like a normal reaction to me, and neither does his reaction last night. Also, he's very interested in poisons, and he works in a pharmaceutical research lab where he has access to all kinds of fun things. I know we have strychnine and arsenic and aconite and isofluorane and god knows what else in the house. And cyanide. I had about a liter of NaCN solution (for use in collecting insects), which has somehow vanished. Oh, and there's chloroform under my bathroom sink. One day he was complaining that he couldn't sneak out any ricin because they were watching everything too closely. I still feel really shaky and dizzy, but I should have recovered from a migraine by now, unless he triggered it with something. I called my family the day before yesterday, and they came to get me out for a few hours. He's been acting really weird since then. I don't really know what's going on, and I feel like people will just think I'm a paranoid nut job if I say anything. Hell, I think I'm a paranoid nut job most of the time.

 

[bellbird]

I feel like people will just think I'm a paranoid nut job if I say anything.

I don't.
I believe you.

You know that feeling of if I leave, I am going to die?
It isn't true.
I know this, because I used to believe it with every single molecule in my body.

But it's been over 2 years now that I did leave him, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

They want us to think that.
They beat down our self esteem so much that they make us think that we can't do this without them.
But they're wrong.
We can.

I know how hard this is.
I really do.
I had months of friends and my therapist (when they finally found out what had been happening) telling me that I should leave, but it was just so f*cking hard.
Their words echoed my own thoughts and yet I still couldn't do it for the longest time.


I still have the piece of paper stuck by my bed with "be brave" written in my handwriting, in very faded ink.
I had to summon every ounce of courage I had from deep within me.
I had to lean on support; services, T, friends as much as I could.
I had to do the thing that for so long I had believed I couldn't do.
And then it turned out to be the best thing that I have ever done for myself.

It is good that you can see clearly all the horrible treatment you are being put through that you do not deserve.
That is the first step and it is a huge one.

You can leave him.
You really can.
And you are strong enough to survive it.

I hope you'll let us know how the ER goes.
I am sending you so much strength.

 

[Whirlwind]

You know that feeling of if I leave, I am going to die?
It isn't true.
I know this, because I used to believe it with every single molecule in my body.

But it's been over 2 years now that I did leave him, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Me too.

-W

 

[Deanna]

I got lucky. After 5 years of my husband beating on me ( I worked too and don't know how I did it) he left me for another girl. I was deeply hurt because I was so attached. I look back on it now.. and his leaving was the best thing that could ever happen.
He married the day the divorce went through and started beating her. I thought he just hated me but it turned out that he hated women. Leave this man. He almost killed me. Serious ( twice)

 

[Deanna]

I'll be going to the ER soon. I was advised to call 911 and get police and paramedics here. They said they can take me to the hospital and collect evidence. I know I'm severely malnourished at this point, and I'm worried he's poisoning me. If you dose someone with Warfarin it can make them bleed out their eyes. I've also been having some fairly spectacular upper GI bleeds. He told me that was normal and won't let me see a doctor. It's not normal. I've had other weird bleeding problems, too. There are alternative explanations for all of that, but I strongly suspect he's doing it to me. I've had other issues like horrific edema, which is typically an indicator of organ failure. He looked at it, said 'Oh, that's a sign of organ failure', then refused to take me to the doctor. He just nonchalantly told me that death by organ failure is a process so we can deal with it later when it's more convenient for him. What? That doesn't seem like a normal reaction to me, and neither does his reaction last night. Also, he's very interested in poisons, and he works in a pharmaceutical research lab where he has access to all kinds of fun things. I know we have strychnine and arsenic and aconite and isofluorane and god knows what else in the house. And cyanide. I had about a liter of NaCN solution (for use in collecting insects), which has somehow vanished. Oh, and there's chloroform under my bathroom sink. One day he was complaining that he couldn't sneak out any ricin because they were watching everything too closely. I still feel really shaky and dizzy, but I should have recovered from a migraine by now, unless he triggered it with something. I called my family the day before yesterday, and they came to get me out for a few hours. He's been acting really weird since then. I don't really know what's going on, and I feel like people will just think I'm a paranoid nut job if I say anything. Hell, I think I'm a paranoid nut job most of the time.

He knows you're on to him is why he is acting weird. Leave! Go to the ER and then return to your family while you figure things out.

 

[Ronin]

Seconding people and: Tell the paramedics & hospital ppl the concretes.

Don't need to put it as poisoning (hence a roll of how that sounds blah blah paranoia / psych & drugs check).

Tell them the concrete chemicals & substances on site. (You got this :tup: Just told us pretty fast. So you're doing the same in person... but the same task.)
Tell them you live in DV.

So they jump to triage current poisoning faster than paranoia & speculative.

Ed: Can you show them what you've written.
Since got speaking impossible/ hard & writing it again likely too.