This is my first thread on the forum, I usually skim through posts and read up on others similar experiences to bring myself some comfort and or find answers. A little back story on my LDR with my USAF Vet with combat PTSD.
T and I met summer of 2018 following my fathers death. He was at the funeral. A couple days after the funeral I got a friend request from him. I was grieving pretty bad at the time. He got my number and we talked every single day. At the end of that month I drove 8 hours to see him. From that moment on, we talked, text, and saw eachother 1 weekend a month. He opened up to me about his PTSD, I opened up to him about my grief and pain. We both helped eachother in a dark time in our lives. We got really close, fell for eachother, and I became really codependent of him. After New Years (2019) I had a trip planned to see him, he was going through isolation and depression so I sent him a text saying I didn’t think it was a good time and I understood if he felt he needed some space. He insisted I come and said “I need you”. So I drove 10 hours (traffic) to spend a couple days with him. Once I got there, he started a fight with me over a photo he saw on snap chat, it was not a big deal at all. Was a photo of me with Darth Vader carrying me, but he blew it way out of proportion and drove back to his place leaving me abandoned in a town I’m not familiar with and have no friends or family in. I begged him to please come back and let’s enjou our time together. I was unable to check in to the room even tho I paid for it because he used his vet Id to get a military discount. After 10 hours of me being stranded in the rain, he agreed to go and check me in but not stay. There’s so much more to this story, it was a really nasty breakup that left me angry and heartbroken. We spent majority of 2019 broken up but always keeping contact with one another. I tried from Jan to May to get us back with no luck. I decided to back away and work on myself, began dating again, was finally feeling like myself again after not only losing my father who was my best friend but also the man I love. At the end of November T wrote me, we both caught up on each others lives and he told me how well he was doing. He has his own business now, bought a house, and has been actively in therapy. Asked to try us out again and wanted to date. Of course I agreed. So now I’m here. Back to square one. He has been in isolation for a month now, everytime I mention my feeling he apologizes and says he’s going to try harder. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m trying to remain strong, trying to be as understanding as I can be, but it seems like I constantly hit dead ends with him. Yesterday he text me saying his has a mental health evaluation and an appointment for a procedure that has to do with his throat not swallowing. I asked him to please let me know how it all goes, I love him, and if he needs anything at all, I am here. He hasn’t contacted me back or replied to any of my texts. I feel like if I don’t text, are we still together? Will he think I don’t care? But if I do, I’m left feeling alone and empty.
I’ve worked hard on myself last year to get to a place of not depending on him for my happiness. I have my work, friends, 2 children that I’m occupied with, still hurts to not have the closeness I long for in my relationship. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
T and I met summer of 2018 following my fathers death. He was at the funeral. A couple days after the funeral I got a friend request from him. I was grieving pretty bad at the time. He got my number and we talked every single day. At the end of that month I drove 8 hours to see him. From that moment on, we talked, text, and saw eachother 1 weekend a month. He opened up to me about his PTSD, I opened up to him about my grief and pain. We both helped eachother in a dark time in our lives. We got really close, fell for eachother, and I became really codependent of him. After New Years (2019) I had a trip planned to see him, he was going through isolation and depression so I sent him a text saying I didn’t think it was a good time and I understood if he felt he needed some space. He insisted I come and said “I need you”. So I drove 10 hours (traffic) to spend a couple days with him. Once I got there, he started a fight with me over a photo he saw on snap chat, it was not a big deal at all. Was a photo of me with Darth Vader carrying me, but he blew it way out of proportion and drove back to his place leaving me abandoned in a town I’m not familiar with and have no friends or family in. I begged him to please come back and let’s enjou our time together. I was unable to check in to the room even tho I paid for it because he used his vet Id to get a military discount. After 10 hours of me being stranded in the rain, he agreed to go and check me in but not stay. There’s so much more to this story, it was a really nasty breakup that left me angry and heartbroken. We spent majority of 2019 broken up but always keeping contact with one another. I tried from Jan to May to get us back with no luck. I decided to back away and work on myself, began dating again, was finally feeling like myself again after not only losing my father who was my best friend but also the man I love. At the end of November T wrote me, we both caught up on each others lives and he told me how well he was doing. He has his own business now, bought a house, and has been actively in therapy. Asked to try us out again and wanted to date. Of course I agreed. So now I’m here. Back to square one. He has been in isolation for a month now, everytime I mention my feeling he apologizes and says he’s going to try harder. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m trying to remain strong, trying to be as understanding as I can be, but it seems like I constantly hit dead ends with him. Yesterday he text me saying his has a mental health evaluation and an appointment for a procedure that has to do with his throat not swallowing. I asked him to please let me know how it all goes, I love him, and if he needs anything at all, I am here. He hasn’t contacted me back or replied to any of my texts. I feel like if I don’t text, are we still together? Will he think I don’t care? But if I do, I’m left feeling alone and empty.
I’ve worked hard on myself last year to get to a place of not depending on him for my happiness. I have my work, friends, 2 children that I’m occupied with, still hurts to not have the closeness I long for in my relationship. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
