Crippling lack of self-worth

[Upside Down Eagle]

Yesterday I was out in the forest practicing some crafting with my hatchet.
Suddenly I was drowned in this devastating feeling of "I suck at this, I can´t do it". It was so overwhelming that I put down the hatchet and couldn´t figure out how to get the courage to continue. I know I can craft so that´s beside the point.

Same feeling, more recently I always feel guilty of being in a group of people, as if my mere presence is somehow a sin. I will feel this overwhelming fear of being blamed for even daring to be there among those people.

I always feel guilty when walking into stores with a bag and my nervousness around it actually makes people more suspicious of me and want to know if I´m there to steal things.

I also posted about similar guilt in the relationship section too. But it´s really a core belief. The strange thing is I´ve done plenty of things in my life that required courage but I still feel this crippling lack of worthiness and I need some way to convince myself I am actually worth something, but I´m not sure how.

Looking for advice.

 

[Mach123]

I don't have any advice except to say yes, this is how it is. I finally heard someone call it self loathing, which I think a more apt description. I've struggled all my adult life with it and the all or nothing feeling thinking behavior that makes it so impossible to deal with.

I'm becoming more accepting and so more passive. I don't think this is good necessarily, but fighting against myself is more self loathing?

So I don't expect much from me. There are things I like too? It's all wrapped up together though. Mostly I tread water, and I self soothe.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I know what you mean. For me it´s not self-loathing though.
I don´t loathe myself, I know what I am capable of and in fact have proven to myself that I CAN do stuff.

It is just this feeling that is telling me I can´t.

 

[somerandomguy]

Maybe just talk back to those feelings, and remember examples about how you CAN when you get the feeling that you CAN'T.

CBT is basically just practicing telling yourself the truth.

 

[Rani G2]

Looking for advice.

@Gwaihir
you mentioned this on another thread -Just being, accepting that you ARE, I feel is already quite a lot of progress.
Is a good discription! Thanks!!!

Cannot give advice, as I‘m fighting demons on the Inferior-superior-power-submission universe since I have a sense of self. In my case, I need/must rise high in order to feel superior, others should be mostly thankful that I‘m around so the downfall of this is a another pattern. No this isn’t advice because your story is a different one!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

It´s funny how giving advice to other people is much easier than thinking it up for yourself :p

Also, this (which is basically the same as the advice I was handing out, but a better explanation).
It´s a video by Einzelganger (I recommend the channel) about externalizing our own sense of worth.

 

[Backdraft1983]

The books say to get angry at the critic which is really from your parents. Then after you can defend yourself against your critic enough you can grieve the loss of your self-esteem that either your parents didn't teach you how to build or that your traumatic event took away from you. After grieving you can then learn to esteem yourself again from books like Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay. That's the theory anyways. I'm still on angering at my critic.