My diary of random thoughts

[AnnieMae]

Everyone attractive lies! I am an idiot! I am naieve which basically means I am stupid! And I am! I played I to everything my ex told me. He set me up and no one can help me!!!!!!!! I worked so hard for everything and now there are no opportunities at work, but because I have a record, I will always be stuck there. This is all unreal! God hates me because he hated me. He lied about pulling a gun and everything he did was a lie so now I am screwed because of it. He implanted so many things in my head! I can’t get out! It’s one way or another! No grey area...none whatsoever!

 

[AnnieMae]

This is not a random thought- my life is literally going down the drain and no one can help me. My job is pointless and my relationships are awful. The good people run from me. I was set up and manipulated and now I can’t stop freaking out. It just won’t stop. I am so tired of freaking out. I can guarantee that when I start meditating, it is just going to make things worse. Clearing my mind is going to make things so much worse. I already know this. Then, I won’t care about anything at all. Nothing will get fixed.

 

[AnnieMae]

My life is literally going down the drain! I can’t take the anxiety anymore! The pressure! Everything is just too much! The weirdness of tripping balls all the time! I hate it! I absolutely hate it! Nothing is happening the way I want it to! I hate my life!!!!! I hate it with a passion! I can’t take the stress anymore! Ever was thrown in my face! I need help but there is no real help!!!!!

 

[AnnieMae]

My life is going down the drain and no one can help me! I used to be this strong independent woman, and now I’m so broke. Everything I do is wrong. Nothing works out. And therapy just shows me how much it is my fault. Well, my life was going great until the trauma happened, but because there is an actual charge against me, there is nothing I can do. There is no way to get my life back. It just keeps going down the drain. I’m hooking up with a guy that is so using me, it’s ridiculous!!!! Damn, my life just keeps getting lower and lower. And I am dating multiple people, which my therapist says is ok, but I already know that when I go out tonight, I will see another person. It’s just awful. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I have no future except being alone, and it’s all my fault for falling in love with a man that f*cked me over. No matter what I do, I am screwed. People say there is grey area! There is NO grey area!!!! None whatsoever!!!!

 

[AnnieMae]

My life is going down the drain so fast and no one can help me. I pretend everything is ok, but it’s not. My family doesn’t care, my ex set me up, and this dating things sucks so bad. Everyone hates me because of what I did. I can’t escape it!!!! I go to therapy, date, go out with friends, but it doesn’t fix anything inside of me.

 

[AnnieMae]

I am going to be stuck in therapy forever because my life fell apart. Everything I knew was a lie! And now, I’m screwed all because I do t want to be alone but will be! I’m scared to be alone! No one can tell me what’s going to happen and I hate it!!!!! I used to have everything and it was all a lie! Now, my life is for crap!

 

[AnnieMae]

How is it possible to be surrounded by so many people that don’t care and suck? Nothing will ever be resolved because I didn’t see how crappy people can be until it was too late. And I can’t ever see the positive in things until it’s too late. Damn.

 

[AnnieMae]

Exposing myself to other people outside of my friends and family has made me see how inadequate and stupid I really am. How insufficient my life has been. How I can’t do anything anymore except shop and smoke. How I wasn’t good enough and everyone hides everything. Now, I have to hide being miserable because I hate my life. Nothing is getting better, everything is the same except for the shopping, smoking and eating. I can’t change the things I want. I want a different life sooooo bad. So bad!

 

[joeylittle]

I can’t change the things I want.

Even though they aren't the things you want to change - can you write about what you can change?

 

[AnnieMae]

Even though they aren't the things you want to change - can you write about what you can change?

Well, I can save, exercise and try to better myself at work. I try to date, but I can’t handle the pressure and weirdness of everything. I want to change my living situation as well. But, not sure if any of that will ever happen.

 

[AnnieMae]

My whole life has changed for the worse. I don’t have fun anymore, I am not in love with anyone, still freaking out and I suck as a person. I want so many things, but this is it??? This is all there is to life???? This is awful!!!!

 

[AnnieMae]

My life is going to hell. I don’t know what the f*ck is going on with me, but I’m so sad. I had everything I ever wanted and now I have shit. Accepting defeat and lies and delusions sucks. Accepting the fact that your therapist says you won’t be the same sucks. Accepting the fact that you we’re screwed over and are f*cked for life sucks. The fact that you are ugly as all hell and attract just horrible people sucks. My life is going to hell. I can’t stop playing sides, it’s all going to backfire in my face. I have nothing to move on to. I am a loner, a loser, and a piece of crap. People don’t like me, and I am going to be alone forever because I can’t stop contacting him and wing weird. He is a liar. Life and people have let me down.