How to deal with anxiety from being in the place it happened?

[Trigger place]

I was sexually assaulted by my ex in my home. I'm a college student who dorms out of state. Now with virus I'm forced to be home due to quarantine. How do I deal with the anxiety and all the rest of the emotions while being in the place it happened? What can I do to help with this trigger?

 

[Tinyflame]

Not the same but I get triggered every day before I start work because of part of the screening process, and other things throughout the day. If I think of something I'll come back. :(

Welcome to you @Trigger Place.

 

[Ronin]

Since I live where I was assaulted for years (ssh, shuffling that stalking nonsense to past tense works better)...

I would mind either activities you are doing Now - so minding literally everything but the place itself *and* affirming your own sense of agency, instead of helplessness...

Or things that can be reclaimed, made yours and changes to, or that changed with the place itself through time.

As it's not really the same place you were assaulted, before. Time took that one away.

 

[bellbird]

As it's not really the same place you were assaulted, before. Time took that one away.

I love this, Ro.

Welcome, @Trigger place :)

I would try using sensory cues to remind yourself that while you may be there, you're not back there.
-smell : scented candles (if sensitivity isn't a thing for you) if there weren't any back then, or changing them out/removing them if there were back then
-sound : a favourite trick of mine is playing songs that have been released since my assault >> I can't be back there, because this song literally didn't exist back then
-touch : any tactile objects you have now that you didn't then? For me, that's things like soft blankets and my teddy
-sight : from personal experience I've found changing out a lightbulb for a warmer (or cooler) toned light than what there was back then can make a huge difference. For during the daytime when lights aren't really a thing, maybe calendars in rooms, to remind you that you are here, in March (nearly April) of 2020, not back then.

You are very brave.

 

[pam4him]

I love Bellbird's ideas - make it as different as you can. I might add rearranging furniture if able. You might try some journaling to help express the feelings. When the pandemic is passed, please consider counseling. It can help you learn to cope and overcome the trauma. Prayers for peace and strength through this difficult time.

 

[Tinyflame]

rearranging furniture if able.

I think this is huge. And @bellbird's suggestions- to make it a home.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

EMDR therapy can help with that issue

 

[Friday]

Agree very much with the EMDR... this is one of those types of situations -specific person, place, event(s)- it usually does very well with.

Also agree with the others in marking your territory / reclaiming it/ making it your own.

One of the first things I did when I kicked my then-husband out for the last time & filed for divorce was to repaint my kitchen :happy: (actually, I remodeled the sucker & also quit smoking... because both of those things suck stress wise and if things were going to suck? I wanted at least some of it to be my fault, and be something I could ease up on ;) But the first thing I did was to repaint my kitchen. And then my whole house, except my kid’s room. Because the first felt amaaaaazing, and the rest even better.)

The last year of our marriage was particularly bad... I wouldn’t sleep with him for the first time in our marriage, so he took to drugging and raping me, instead. He says I kicked him out 5 times, which is probably pretty accurate... house rule, if/when he got violent I’d throw him out for a few weeks. It was always a temporary thing / by design, rather than my forgiving him. Both of us wanted to stay married (for very different reasons) and without a big damn time-out I wasn’t going to be able to manage that. So he’d leave, until I calmed down enough to deal with him, again... but I know he tried to kill me 3 times that year. So I don’t really know if it was 5 total, or 8. It was a bad year.

You wouldn’t think a silly little coat of paint would have much effect -at least I didn’t- but it as I looked at the warm dove grey walls, black & grey granite counters, and white cupboards? The sea glass lights, and vibrant green herb garden? My shoulders just unclenched, a smile stole over my face, and I just felt good.

In the middle of a wicked hard time, actually feeling good? Is priceless.

 

[osiris]

Adding my support to the EMDR bit.
The place I work has become very unsafe for me to be in because of the triggers and who else works there, but EMDR has definitely been helping.
I hope you can find some peace of mind and make it a safe space for yourself.