Anxiety from being discarded by adult son

[cravinbob]

There is little anyone can do in this situation if indeed he is a narcissist. He is then on a level of sociopath perhaps not full-blown but none-the-less a sociopath for all intent and purposes. My experience with a sociopath (and we all know one or two ) and my studies of the condition is the conclusion that sadly is they cannot be cured and they don't want to be. They are only in it for themselves and create disaster for everyone else and do not care that they do. They lie and steal without conscience and the only thing a person can do is turn away from them and not look back.
Search the Internet for more info and especially Dr Robert Hare who has compiled a list of their recognizable symptoms. You cannot win and will lose with a sociopath. Not all sociopaths are serial killers as some might think but all serial killers are sociopaths. In the top ten career choices of a sociopath "surgeon" is one but not "doctor". Why? A surgeon has no emotion about cutting a living human with a scalpel while a General Practitioner might find it too gruesome.
The choice is yours though and my opinion is based only on your description and my experience. Only you know in your heart what is right. Very tough emotional position you have been placed in, very tough indeed but time does heal all wounds

 

[MyWillow]

@NIKI I’m very sorry you’re experiencing such pain.

This is a difficult thread for me because I’ve had little contact with my family for the past 12 months. And I suffer from a huge amount of guilt. They cannot accept that I have any right not to be “ok” and continue on their merry way - guilt trips, invalidating, ignoring and triggering flashbacks that leave me a mess for days. If I told them about the worst of my flashbacks and dissociative experiences they would tell me not to be ridiculous. And yet... the guilt of going no contact and limited contact. The guilt. The guilt.

@ladee your insight is incredible.

@Friday I would actually be surprised if that happened.

I’ve never blamed my family for the shit they’ve put me through. I’ve actually taken responsibility for all that. It’s that they haven’t changed or had any self awareness about how thoughtless they can be.

 

[littleoc]

@cravinbob, if it helps you feel more comfortable to know, I looked up surgeons in peer reviewed psychology journals and couldn’t find that they were mainly sociopaths. I did find that they do learn to have less empathy while cutting a patient, but every doctor and nurse goes through this stage, sort of — I wouldn’t label it as sociopathy. Just a slight distance so they can do their work without overthinking it.

It does seem to be largely unstudied in the scientific community, so I would assume it is a myth. Science works can frequently be mistranslated in the media.

I hope that helps you feel more comfortable. I wanted to add this to the discussion because you said to cut out all sociopaths, indiscriminately, but then implied that surgeons have similar minds to serial killers. I’m guessing you didn’t mean to do that, but I wanted to clarify. The surgeons I know in daily life do not appear to be dangerous people in any way, and being vulnerable people near them does not appear to be dangerous. :hug:

 

[cravinbob]

@cravinbob, if it helps you feel more comfortable to know, I looked up surgeons in peer reviewed psychology journals and couldn’t find that they were mainly sociopaths. I did find that they do learn to have less empathy while cutting a patient, but every doctor and nurse goes through this stage, sort of — I wouldn’t label it as sociopathy. Just a slight distance so they can do their work without overthinking it.

It does seem to be largely unstudied in the scientific community, so I would assume it is a myth. Science works can frequently be mistranslated in the media.

I hope that helps you feel more comfortable. I wanted to add this to the discussion because you said to cut out all sociopaths, indiscriminately, but then implied that surgeons have similar minds to serial killers. I’m guessing you didn’t mean to do that, but I wanted to clarify. The surgeons I know in daily life do not appear to be dangerous people in any way, and being vulnerable people near them does not appear to be dangerous. :hug:

I must clarify that sociopath has been taken as a description of serial killers which they are but the majority are not killers. Sociopaths do not have a capacity for empathy for any other living things. My personal experience began with a woman I was involved with and at 50 at the time I was not a babe in the woods. She started exhibiting behaviors that confounded me. I googled this which was not easy to query and the term sociopath jumped out at me. The traits by Dr Robert Hare listed described her to a tee and even predicted the future. She was one and a toxic person as well. Many are intelligent but just do not feel what empaths (normal people) feel. I have other examples that cannot be denied and explained any other way.
Once familiar with the m.o. of such a person then they become easier to spot and it takes a short time before it can be confirmed.
A family member should never abandon mom or any other unless there is reason. On forums there is only one side presented so advice can only be taken when veracity is practiced.
Again I say there is no win with a sociopath and they cause pain that they they do not care about. One can only run from them, no good will ever come from keeping in contact.
My heart goes out to the victims of a sociopath and their is never a happy ending.
PS Sociopaths can be very good at acting so take anything you believe and think it through. The hero can be a zero.

 

[cravinbob]

@cravinbob, if it helps you feel more comfortable to know, I looked up surgeons in peer reviewed psychology journals and couldn’t find that they were mainly sociopaths. I did find that they do learn to have less empathy while cutting a patient, but every doctor and nurse goes through this stage, sort of — I wouldn’t label it as sociopathy. Just a slight distance so they can do their work without overthinking it.

It does seem to be largely unstudied in the scientific community, so I would assume it is a myth. Science works can frequently be mistranslated in the media.

I hope that helps you feel more comfortable. I wanted to add this to the discussion because you said to cut out all sociopaths, indiscriminately, but then implied that surgeons have similar minds to serial killers. I’m guessing you didn’t mean to do that, but I wanted to clarify. The surgeons I know in daily life do not appear to be dangerous people in any way, and being vulnerable people near them does not appear to be dangerous. :hug:

Just to clarify the list was "career choices of a sociopath" not "where to find sociopaths"! I believe there has to be truth in it just as there has to be sociopaths on the local police force and lawyers as well. Myself I would be uncomfortable in a profession that mistreats, jails, bankrupts people. I do not know where the data came from but it does seem logical. I would not nor mean to malign any profession but hope to bring awareness to people about sociopath and how to recognize them. Many lives are ruined because they exist and people believe that they are only murderers when you may be married to one. Look at Dr Hare's list everyone and see if you know someone like that, I bet you do. "Dangerous" is subjective and most sociopaths are looking to relieve you of your money and possessions little by little...