hyperanxiety
New Here
I am a reader of mostly non-fiction. As my library is only a block away, the new non-fiction books had me reading about many different and diverse factual books. I learned a lot. Interspersed with these books, I kept requesting different PTSD books from the library as well. Now with the quarantine, their PTSD ebook selection is very small.
I am starting out buying older, second hand books online, many of which I read years earlier. This is the only subject I am interested in reading now. It's as if I can't get enough of this subject. I found two excellent helpful books which I am rereading and probably will reread at different time intervals. The others, both read and to read, are piling up on my coffee table and in my one and only bookcase. This habit of reading only PTSD books has me convinced to buy an Ereader device, so I don't accumulate so many books I have no room to keep them.
Years ago, when I was stable but still dysfunctional in other areas of my life, I was reading romance novels. I had filled four bookcases plus three black garbage bags were filled with more of these books. I would read them but what I read was only a small fraction of what I had in my apartment. When I moved, my mom took those garbage bags of books, plus others, and donated them to a large book sale where the proceeds went to the local hospital.
Now, I am afraid I am repeating my history of hoarding books. As I am relatively early on in my trauma therapy, I find myself becoming triggered more and more frequently. This causes my anxiety and anger to get worse and for my entire body to shake visibly. It is still very hard for me to really cry, but I know it would help if I did. As I did before, my coping mechanism was usually spree shopping. Years ago it was books. Now it is once again books, books, books. And with this quarantine, it is so much easier to buy things online, and not necessarily all books.
Now, I do not have much money to spend, but I use every spare cent to buy things, some of which I need, and those that are not necessities, like books. By the end of the month, as I get Social Security (in the US), I often have to count my change just to buy things that my Food Stamps don't cover.
Can anyone relate to me their experience of using shopping, or spree shopping, as a maybe dysfunctional coping mechanism? If so, how do I, or you, approach handling this more effectively therapy? I am becoming worried about the direction I am going, both mentally and environmentally? Is it healthy for me, or anyone, to concentrate on one subject and one that is so prominent in one's life?
I am starting out buying older, second hand books online, many of which I read years earlier. This is the only subject I am interested in reading now. It's as if I can't get enough of this subject. I found two excellent helpful books which I am rereading and probably will reread at different time intervals. The others, both read and to read, are piling up on my coffee table and in my one and only bookcase. This habit of reading only PTSD books has me convinced to buy an Ereader device, so I don't accumulate so many books I have no room to keep them.
Years ago, when I was stable but still dysfunctional in other areas of my life, I was reading romance novels. I had filled four bookcases plus three black garbage bags were filled with more of these books. I would read them but what I read was only a small fraction of what I had in my apartment. When I moved, my mom took those garbage bags of books, plus others, and donated them to a large book sale where the proceeds went to the local hospital.
Now, I am afraid I am repeating my history of hoarding books. As I am relatively early on in my trauma therapy, I find myself becoming triggered more and more frequently. This causes my anxiety and anger to get worse and for my entire body to shake visibly. It is still very hard for me to really cry, but I know it would help if I did. As I did before, my coping mechanism was usually spree shopping. Years ago it was books. Now it is once again books, books, books. And with this quarantine, it is so much easier to buy things online, and not necessarily all books.
Now, I do not have much money to spend, but I use every spare cent to buy things, some of which I need, and those that are not necessities, like books. By the end of the month, as I get Social Security (in the US), I often have to count my change just to buy things that my Food Stamps don't cover.
Can anyone relate to me their experience of using shopping, or spree shopping, as a maybe dysfunctional coping mechanism? If so, how do I, or you, approach handling this more effectively therapy? I am becoming worried about the direction I am going, both mentally and environmentally? Is it healthy for me, or anyone, to concentrate on one subject and one that is so prominent in one's life?