Confused On What To Talk About

[Redtail]

A little background:
My wife and I are attending a T that has my complete trust on how to treat PTSD involving police. We have attended two sessions together and the first session within 10 minutes of talking with me, my T put me on meds. She was the second T, I saw and the first was more of a marriage T.

Now with this T, so far, we are mostly concentrating on us as a couple (T has suggest she go on meds also). And I really have not be able to focus on my disorder and I don't bring it up for fear my wife will use my emotional breakdowns against me, which she did after the first session. The next session is again a joint session, for us. These session have been helpful however.

Is it possible my T is just waiting for my meds to settle before we attack my PTSD or do I need to be more vocal, and even ask my wife to leave the room to work on me. I want there to be a learning situation for my wife to understand my disorder but she still has a "victim" attitude for what I have put her through. I am not discounting her damage I have caused her I appreciate she is still with me, although it be by a thread.

Can the T really work on couples while still addressing my specific needs? Or is it typical to start having one on one sessions after these couples, learning phase, is over?

 

[kers]

Often people will see one T for individual counseling, and another for couples counseling; sometimes one person primarily sees the T and the partner comes in at times to work on couples issues, but it has to be clear to everyone that the T will not then 'take sides' with the primary client.

How did you go into the therapy initially, as a couple? Did you call and request a couples appointment?--whether this is an individual or couples issue needs to be cleared up for everyone, I would think.

 

[Redtail]

Your input is appreciated!

We originally went to a different T for couples counseling. When that T confirmed I had PTSD, I chose to go to a T who specialized in PTSD. I told my wife I wanted to get help for me. As I was researching, (on this site) I realized how much suffering and damage I had caused her and my family and should her my extreme guilt, which she has expanded upon on how bad I have hurt her. I asked her to go to the first session with me, primary so she could call my bluff if I tried to manipulate the T questions.

I don't not want the T to take my side, which is why I chose her I know she was blunt when I comes to showing a problem (I had worked with her in the past, but not as a client). I just want to get help on this disorder that causes me so much anguish. One of my problems, even before PTSD, is I over analyze everything!!

Maybe I am being selfish for wanting to get help NOW, I don't realize I am being helped. I don't know I am just frustrated!!

 

[seedling]

I think it takes time for a T to get to know a person, the therapy takes time to get going along the lines you think it should at first. I would think that your PTSD T would mostly see you by yourself. My husband came to a session with me after the first few months. My T said he is welcome any time but that is for us to decide.

Your primary PTSD T should be the person you can count on for yourself - blunt but also supportive.

Don't worry about over analyzing! Or should I say - join the crowd :) If this is a part of your personality your T will help you manage it in a good way as the therapy progresses.

Sorry this has put such a strain on your family and the relationship with your wife. She may want to see someone by herself too.

 

[Redtail]

Thanks Seedling, If I could only convince her to see a T herself, she has had trauma in her life, beside living with me :).

 

[just me here]

this all sounds so familiar. I had been seeking help for quite awhile and was seeing a therapist maybe once every month or two, sometimes longer, when my marriage became a problem that also needed help. I was afraid that if I incorporated the therapy I was already involved in with any therapy that involved my wife, she would reject it because she was the newcomer and any conclusions or suggestions that we came to would be doomed from the start if she didn't buy in 100% right from the start. We decided she should set up the appointments with a counselor of her choosing, I would have no input in her decision.
My condition has come up, we have talked about it in our sessions openly and I have shared things with our counselor that my therapist has said in my sessions. But I don't mix the two any more than that.

You say you have had past experience with this counselor you are currently seeing, and you chose her. I don't know your wife, you or your counselor, but I would suggest based on my experience that you might want to retain this therapist for yourself, but let your wife choose a neutral party for the joint sessions. I think it has made a differance for us.

My counselor has since diagnosed me with PTSD, and that might not have happened in a setting where the focus was shared between my wife, myself, and our marriage. My marriage is on strong footing again, we are doing much better, in fact we are doing great, and it is only possible because we worked together on it and she bought into the suggestions our counselor provided.

Again, I don't know you or your situation, but I think getting a neutral counselor would help you and your wife feal "equal" in those sessions, and seeing a therapist for your own situation exclusively is also a good idea.

I assume from the OP that you are a policeman. I always thank you guys for the job you do when I can, so- thanks.

 

[Redtail]

Thank you for your input and experience. I am struggling right now on what decisions to be made, which is not like me, and this does help to be able to relate it.


Yes I am a Police Officer and have been for 17 years. Thanks for thanks, IT means a lot to hear it from people that don't need or want anything. (yes I am cynical)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

My two cents: I think its great that you can involve your wife, that you have sessions with her. But I honestly think you should have someone without her because like you said how you are going to address other issues when you are always focusing on your marriage?
something I love about my T is he wants me to be as honest as possible, and if we are doing something or talking about something I don't not like- I should say it. Which I do, sometimes very very bluntly. If I'm feeling something, and for some reason haven't been able to express in session I email him. Which is sometimes so blunt, I'm worried the poor guy will tell me to go to the hospital. So be honset, and open...sounds like your T can handle it.

So I guess what I'm saying is...have marriage session and have just you session. Thats what I do. My T does not take my side if my husband is there, and because he is also my only T, he knows me. So if I see another T with my husband, I would have to explain things all over again, even simple ones like--why I like to pace his office, and my living room.

And like just me here...thanks for being a police officer. I have never talked to one yet...but there one in my hometown who's a friend of family waiting for me to be ready to file a report...so yeah thanks.

Hope this helps...at all.

Ayesha

 

[seraphimfelldown]

As a T myself. (The Crazy PTSD One) When I was learning about relationship counseling they said that couples counselling is there to treat the relationship and MAYBE a little baggage here and there from each person. The recommendation I was told to give was have personal counselling each and do couples counselling together. But I'm in Australia so the rules may be different here.

Take Care of Yourself,
Sera

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

As a T myself. (The Crazy PTSD One)

It must be hard to be here. :smile: With all these crazy people! :crazy:

 

[Redtail]

Ayesha,
That is also good advice, as most of what I get in here, And also again thanks for recognizing the Police officer thing, I am open to any discussion one would need in the way of law enforcement. I may not have all the answers but I will try my hardest to explain it from a LEO point of view.

 

[Redtail]

Update:

Went to another session, during the session my wife said she does not know if she will ever be able to feel the same way(as much love) about me ever again. She said she felt like divorce was the most likely going to happen for us. I am not sure if this is what the future but we have another session next week.

in the mean time I am suppose to keep a log of certain actions/feelings I recognize I am working on changing and what I did to change that in a positive way. My wife thinks I am controlling, manipulating and angry. I do not discount these feeling she has but I am a little confused on how I am to recognize and how I reacted to that.

Has anybody been through this that may be able to help me out or give me better direction?
Here is an example of what I think I am suppose to do:
-I asked my wife to help make the bed (normally I would expect her to just help out without being asked), I went outside and took the trash out when I came back in --she was sitting in the same spot when I asked her. I went back to the bedroom and started to make the bed,about half way through she came in and helped finish. I -did not say or feel anything negative to her.

Does this sound right??

Do I also log all the other things I am trying to recognize such as agoraphobia, not being able to sleep, fear, anxiety and anger etc... This log when keep me busy 8 hours a day.