Relationship Why is he suddenly feeling disrespected?

[Sweetpea76]

Hopefully your husband’s mood stays better and the virus news in your country keeps improving. Maybe once everybody comes out the other side of this unscathed he can use that as a jumping off point to work on some of his triggers around germs.

 

[Never_falter2]

Yes, now that you say it. That could be true. They say there might be a vaccination by this Christmas. They are already producing the little glass bottles.
It will suck until then but it’s most likely true. He will come out of this stronger... and me too. I actually have a good feeling about my country... sort of. We might be on a good way.

I hope you will be safe. Can you socially distance at your work?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Not even in the least bit.

 

[Never_falter2]

Thats not good. Where I am from companies often send people with diabetes or other preexisting conditions into remote working (if possible... btw do you use the word “homeoffice“ for remote working?). Diabetes is on the lists our CDCs have: preexisting conditions that make you highrisk COVID-19.
Do they have rules to protect employed like compulsory masks use or whatever?

My vet actually unfortunately has a gloom and doom attitude again and sees the world in a negative light. Like I said the corona numbers are down in our country and fortunately also deaths. Yesterday for example we lost just 4 of our fellow citizens to the virus... a small number. I think it is an all time low. When the corona pandemic was bad, we lost several hundreds a day... over the course of the pandemic we lost 9144. But vet is sad it’s still there and killing people... and afraid numbers will go up... and has this negative attitude of “of course they will go up, because we are being idiots“.

My vet “Oh... that’s only the quiet before the storm. We cannot see much of the virus right now but it’s still there just waiting for everybody to be careless. Wait until everybody comes back from vacation“

I am not happy with that, because I think there are always two sites of a coin - for example he could be happy that we are not like Brazil or looking forward to the fact that maybe there is no second wave. There is not always a second wave. I mean: I don’t know if there is a second wave... we just don’t know yet... but he’s always so negative...

instead of being happy that millions of Germans did not die from corona... you know... focus on the fact that it killed four and wonder when the second wave will start.

 

[Sweetpea76]

btw do you use the word “homeoffice“ for remote working?).

“Working from home” is the common term for it here. “Home office” would be the room or area in your residence where you work... so I would be working from home in my home office.

Thats not good. Where I am from companies often send people with diabetes or other preexisting conditions into remote working (if possible

.

I cannot do my job at home. In the US, if you’re lucky, your company may allow you to work from home. Most of us just have to suck it up and go in to work. You cannot get unemployment if you choose stay at home because you’re high risk. You have three choices...A) go to work and hope you don’t get infected, B). Quit your job and try to find something safer (if you can), Or C). Starve. We also have the added bonus of losing our health insurance if we lose our jobs. The US does not have the same social safety nets that most European countries have.

Do they have rules to protect employed like compulsory masks use or whatever?

It depends on the company and/or the state. Some states mandate masks, and even if they don’t, employers can mandate them in their businesses. My state does not mandate masks. For some reason mask wearing has become very political and most people here in my area refuse to wear them. I personally wear one.

The US is failing horribly at controlling this pandemic.

But vet is sad it’s still there and killing people... and afraid numbers will go up... and has this negative attitude of “of course they will go up, because we are being idiots“.

How do you think he will deal with it all as it ends? The virus will always be here, even once the pandemic is under control. Do you think he will be able to cope?

 

[Never_falter2]

Are you and your vet disappointed in how your state handles the corona pandemic?
Masks are political here too but fortunately right now we have compulsory mask use in many areas of our lifes. There is however a political debate about that.
I think mask use has helped our country a lot. You know Germany is a densely populated country, many people in the cities own no car and use public transport. I think that they helped to hammer down the corona outbreak.

How will he be able to cope? I am not sure. He hopes that the vaccination will be there soon. He hopes better medication will be there soon - artificial antibodies for the coronavirus. He also hopes for containment, basically Germany becoming a green zone with zero infections and people from outside will have to do corona tests if they enter. He hopes that there will be corona tests as easy as pregnancy tests available soon. It might be possible. We habe those federal states that are already green zones/ or close to it. Unfortunately ours is non of those... it’s basically a political decision and our MP is not in favour of it. He fears there will be too much economic damage.

How will he cope.? I am not sure. It’s what I ask myself. What if it never ends? I am not sure if he will be able to embrace the new normal.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Are you and your vet disappointed in how your state handles the corona pandemic?

It’s a shitshow... and our Governor actually did a great job compared to some states. He knuckled under to political pressure though. It is what it is. We tend not to dwell on it because there is literally nothing we can do. Vet seems to be OK. He’s been up close and personal with way too much death. If he is scared he’s not letting on.

I am not sure if he will be able to embrace the new normal.

Does he ever have moments of clarity where he sees he’s taking his fear too far?

 

[Never_falter2]

I think he does understand that right now the risk of catching the coronavirus + dying from it are actually small and that even if we catch it we most likely won’t die... but he thinks: what if it still happens? He wants zero coronavirus risk.
This area here suffered much. None of our loved ones died but we heard the sound of the ambulance sirens a lot and we thought it was because of the coronavirus... It was eerie and Vet always paused and said “that’s another one“. We hear it has ravaged in the working class population.

Its difficult for all of us.

However he always was afraid of things, he always was afraid of unlikely things to happen because unlikely means not impossible. I think it’s one of the things he discussed with his therapist.

I think a pandemic is a rather unlikely thing to happen. Yet it happened and killed many people.
And his friend had sepsis + vet had a bad time in the hospital. All unlikely things to happen but they happened.

So basically I think he knows he is taking this too far at least most of the times but he wants 100 percent safety for everybody involved... which is of course impossible.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Do you think you’ll have difficulties resuming regular activities if he is still convinced there is a risk? Say for instance, your state is a green zone, there is no community spread... you guys get the all clear to resume normal activities. Do you think he’ll let you and the kids out to, say, play on a public playground? Or go shopping?

 

[Never_falter2]

It’s a good question. I mean we still have community spread. Not sure what the future might bring. I am not so happy with our MP (equivalent of a governor)... but I hope that one day we will be a green zone despite of him.

Public playgrounds have reopened and shopping is allowed... but a lot of people still shop online and do not go to public playgrounds because they are worried.

Most of our kids friends currently do not go to public playgrounds. Our kids play with kids from another family in our yard + theirs.

But what if there was no community spread. In this case I would want to go shopping and want to take the kids to a playground but I do not think he would want me to for a while. I think maybe he would want to wait for a while. I think I would give him some time but only SOME time.
I mean he cannot really make me do or not do something - but he can make you feel guilty like “how can I do that to my Vet?“. He probably doesn’t do that on purpose but you know what I mean, don’t you?
He always struggle with crowds and told us “go out, have fun without me...“ but I think this time it would be different.

But the other day I discussed with him that we need to take the kids more places... fun places, like for example a climbing park. We always went to a climbing hall but that’s currently unsafe because it is indoors but I think we should take them to the climbing park.

 

[Sweetpea76]

But the other day I discussed with him that we need to take the kids more places... fun places, like for example a climbing park.

How did that discussion go?

I think an outdoor park seems pretty safe, especially if it is not crowded.

 

[Never_falter2]

Basically I told him that I ask him as his lady to do this for us (if a man fancies a women and wants to do things for her you say she is his lady, right?)
I told him it is pretty safe. Infection is up to 19 times as likely to take place indoors as outdoors. He was afraid because the kids might touch something dirty. I told him we would take disinfecting wipes for our hands. He said he didn’t feel ready but if I ask him as his lady he will make it possible but that I should give him time. I said that I think it is very important for our kids that they need to see other things. He said he gives me his word but he needs time. He wanted to figure out how it can be as safe as possible. He said he’ll find a way but need some time to adapt to the idea that we are going to do that and fand ways to make it safe.