Hello, I discovered this site thanks to the magnificent Pete Walker and his book CPTSD: Surviving to Thriving.
**I accidentally posted my introduction before it was finished lol and I couldn't edit it! So here is what I really wanted it to say:
It's a bittersweet feeling introducing myself on this forum. At 23 years old I'm struggling to know my purpose in life. Oftentimes I think I should have just died when I was a baby and my father came into my room and suffocated me because I wouldn't stop crying. I never would have actually known that either if he didn't tell me later on when I was 11. I can still see him laughing and rocking back and forth as if what he just said wasn't horrifying...and that's only the beginning. The shit storm of my life only got worse and worse and worse. I ended up living with (and taking care of) my narcissistic mother whose chronic pain eventually lead to a drug addiction. It was psychological warfare living with her, sprinkled in with physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. What a recipe.
However, I know that things won't always feel this way. That I will make it out of this haze one day. The choices I've made along the way have saved me from a lifetime of giving in to the insanity. My parents are poor excuses for human beings, and I am the way I am in spite of them. I'll call this phase of my life growing pains. I'll come out of it stronger.
**I accidentally posted my introduction before it was finished lol and I couldn't edit it! So here is what I really wanted it to say:
It's a bittersweet feeling introducing myself on this forum. At 23 years old I'm struggling to know my purpose in life. Oftentimes I think I should have just died when I was a baby and my father came into my room and suffocated me because I wouldn't stop crying. I never would have actually known that either if he didn't tell me later on when I was 11. I can still see him laughing and rocking back and forth as if what he just said wasn't horrifying...and that's only the beginning. The shit storm of my life only got worse and worse and worse. I ended up living with (and taking care of) my narcissistic mother whose chronic pain eventually lead to a drug addiction. It was psychological warfare living with her, sprinkled in with physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. What a recipe.
However, I know that things won't always feel this way. That I will make it out of this haze one day. The choices I've made along the way have saved me from a lifetime of giving in to the insanity. My parents are poor excuses for human beings, and I am the way I am in spite of them. I'll call this phase of my life growing pains. I'll come out of it stronger.
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