TruthSeeker
MyPTSD Pro
I had a sick puppy for my last T who had a prior felony many years before, had duped some people out of over 6 figures....she got probation, got her T license, and I ended up at her door not knowing this history. I was with that T for a little under 2 years......and I was experiencing active trauma at the time so I was happy with a "rock" in therapy and as I get more grounded, I see that what I had isn't good therapy.
Therapy had not been my thing prior to this T.....and PTSD hadn't been a label. Within first couple of months, T said to me, "You have parts, go draw them or write about them." I'm an A+ personality type.....and I wanted to fix what was wrong with me....if it's broken, fix it, right? I'm also really suggestible...so I did. Needless to say, if it had been an educational assignment, I would have gotten an A+.....I found a lot of parts.....but this T never really clarified what constituted a part......but for brevity sake....I found lots of what I was told to find. She also first told me I was DID.....then she down graded it to DDNOS/OSDD......but this was a T who dissociated badly when in session.....and never dealt with helping me get grounded with my dissociation I think she was diagnosing herself. After she told me I was DID, she told me to go watch the A&N show called Jane. I didn't feel any connection to the show Jane, which was about a gal with DID.
T crossed boundaries and tried to take advantage of me and I had to leave after that. To give you an idea about this T, she texted me at home in the evening asking me to give her some advice for one of her clients (I know educational law and resources); in a hurricane she took a pic of her back yard and sent it, she loved clients giving her presents and she gloated about how many gifts her clients had given her, she'd cancel right last minute numerous times, and she dissociated during my sessions and didn't know where she went but her eyes were closed......her cue to come back was when I stopped talking about my shit. Whatever service I was paying for, it wasn't a present body in the room. I've worked really hard not to beat myself up with "I should's sooner" and I've gotten brave and discussed what happened with my old T with my new therapist....and this T isn't happy with the story I tell, and tells me that the other T trashed the concept of parts......and what I describe as therapy is not how it's supposed to work.
I'm at a pivotal point trying to move forward........I need to move on and put old T in the past and chalk her up to warm body therapist when I was at a time I wasn't grounded...
But she introduced parts........I have a binder with drawings, poetry, writings that includes that parts stuff. But I'd say I want integration, she'd say integration won't work. I'd say I don't think that is two parts....she'd say it was. My T did a lot of mucking in my head where she shouldn't have....lots of suggestions. This newer T brought up the possibility of getting rid of the old stuff.......I think she's trying to find a way to move forward, and figure out what, if any parts, there are.......So, the logical part of me sees this as a "fresh start" but I'm not totally gung ho about trashing everything, even though I'll never go back to the other T again.....I'm really pulled in two directions particularly about shit canning stuff. I got a fire pit...thought about turning the pages to ashes.....On the flip side of that, if I die I don't want people going through my personal journal......I know it sounds dumb.....any advice for moving forward?
Therapy had not been my thing prior to this T.....and PTSD hadn't been a label. Within first couple of months, T said to me, "You have parts, go draw them or write about them." I'm an A+ personality type.....and I wanted to fix what was wrong with me....if it's broken, fix it, right? I'm also really suggestible...so I did. Needless to say, if it had been an educational assignment, I would have gotten an A+.....I found a lot of parts.....but this T never really clarified what constituted a part......but for brevity sake....I found lots of what I was told to find. She also first told me I was DID.....then she down graded it to DDNOS/OSDD......but this was a T who dissociated badly when in session.....and never dealt with helping me get grounded with my dissociation I think she was diagnosing herself. After she told me I was DID, she told me to go watch the A&N show called Jane. I didn't feel any connection to the show Jane, which was about a gal with DID.
T crossed boundaries and tried to take advantage of me and I had to leave after that. To give you an idea about this T, she texted me at home in the evening asking me to give her some advice for one of her clients (I know educational law and resources); in a hurricane she took a pic of her back yard and sent it, she loved clients giving her presents and she gloated about how many gifts her clients had given her, she'd cancel right last minute numerous times, and she dissociated during my sessions and didn't know where she went but her eyes were closed......her cue to come back was when I stopped talking about my shit. Whatever service I was paying for, it wasn't a present body in the room. I've worked really hard not to beat myself up with "I should's sooner" and I've gotten brave and discussed what happened with my old T with my new therapist....and this T isn't happy with the story I tell, and tells me that the other T trashed the concept of parts......and what I describe as therapy is not how it's supposed to work.
I'm at a pivotal point trying to move forward........I need to move on and put old T in the past and chalk her up to warm body therapist when I was at a time I wasn't grounded...
But she introduced parts........I have a binder with drawings, poetry, writings that includes that parts stuff. But I'd say I want integration, she'd say integration won't work. I'd say I don't think that is two parts....she'd say it was. My T did a lot of mucking in my head where she shouldn't have....lots of suggestions. This newer T brought up the possibility of getting rid of the old stuff.......I think she's trying to find a way to move forward, and figure out what, if any parts, there are.......So, the logical part of me sees this as a "fresh start" but I'm not totally gung ho about trashing everything, even though I'll never go back to the other T again.....I'm really pulled in two directions particularly about shit canning stuff. I got a fire pit...thought about turning the pages to ashes.....On the flip side of that, if I die I don't want people going through my personal journal......I know it sounds dumb.....any advice for moving forward?