RussellSue
Not Active
Long part of the story short, I have multiple reasons to believe that my mother has high-functioning autism.
I moved about 10 miles from my mother when I was 25 because that area had the cheapest real estate in the state, not because I wanted to have a relationship with my mom. I'd spent most of the 13 years before that in a different state, not seeing her after she kicked me out when I was 12.
Shortly after I arrived, she broke down in tears, and apologized to me for “failing” as a mother. I decided to forgive her and for the next 14 years, our relationship improved. We talked daily and did our shopping, holidays, birthdays together.
After I left her area last year, I seriously injured myself and found out that I would not fully recover. Her phone calls slowed way down after my injuries.
I thought that she couldn’t handle my pain level or my disappointment/depression that came along with having the plans I’d made dissolve into one more sad mess. But I kept calling her and she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me each time.
In the last 3 months, her calls stopped altogether. I have called her much less frequently, too, to see if she would call. I ended up talking to her twice in the last 3 months.
This is triggering given our history.
Knowing that she can’t talk about her feelings, I told her last week that she could also call me once in a while and that it bothers me that I have not heard from her. She said with a strange chuckle that she would try and be a “good mother” and “remember” to call me.
Part of me thinks I understand and part of me is really hurt. My husband agrees that she is plainly coping badly, that she loves me but she’s just not equipped to handle how she feels.
I am trying really hard not to be angry but I have suffered a whole lot for how she parented and how she abandoned me (to deal with multiple birth defects and PTSD on my own in addition to normal development) and frankly, getting the impression that she doesn’t feel that she needs to reach out to me now has me just wanting to stick my middle finger up and be done with this nonsense. BUT I don't want to do that if this is about something she cannot control/doesn't get.
I am happy to get any feedback from anyone (spectrum or not), but I know that there are a few people on the spectrum in here and I am wondering if you might be able to possibly tell me if there is any way I can get through to her or if maybe I am missing something??
I moved about 10 miles from my mother when I was 25 because that area had the cheapest real estate in the state, not because I wanted to have a relationship with my mom. I'd spent most of the 13 years before that in a different state, not seeing her after she kicked me out when I was 12.
Shortly after I arrived, she broke down in tears, and apologized to me for “failing” as a mother. I decided to forgive her and for the next 14 years, our relationship improved. We talked daily and did our shopping, holidays, birthdays together.
After I left her area last year, I seriously injured myself and found out that I would not fully recover. Her phone calls slowed way down after my injuries.
I thought that she couldn’t handle my pain level or my disappointment/depression that came along with having the plans I’d made dissolve into one more sad mess. But I kept calling her and she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me each time.
In the last 3 months, her calls stopped altogether. I have called her much less frequently, too, to see if she would call. I ended up talking to her twice in the last 3 months.
This is triggering given our history.
Knowing that she can’t talk about her feelings, I told her last week that she could also call me once in a while and that it bothers me that I have not heard from her. She said with a strange chuckle that she would try and be a “good mother” and “remember” to call me.
Part of me thinks I understand and part of me is really hurt. My husband agrees that she is plainly coping badly, that she loves me but she’s just not equipped to handle how she feels.
I am trying really hard not to be angry but I have suffered a whole lot for how she parented and how she abandoned me (to deal with multiple birth defects and PTSD on my own in addition to normal development) and frankly, getting the impression that she doesn’t feel that she needs to reach out to me now has me just wanting to stick my middle finger up and be done with this nonsense. BUT I don't want to do that if this is about something she cannot control/doesn't get.
I am happy to get any feedback from anyone (spectrum or not), but I know that there are a few people on the spectrum in here and I am wondering if you might be able to possibly tell me if there is any way I can get through to her or if maybe I am missing something??
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