Kittie's Journal

[ladee]

Great to hear the person will be arrested!! And that they know who it is. It's always the stupid ones that get caught. Thank goodness.

I hope you figure out a way to feel safe again.

 

[Kittie]

Failed experiment, caused myself a long panic attack.
My new doctor (last one retired) says I've been using Klonopin for too long and suggested other medications that haven't worked in the past. I've woken up with considerably fewer panic attacks in recent years since using this medicine. I felt pretty much normal for a while. I was even wondering if the adrenal gland might have healed so cortisol was being released properly...so I experimented on myself and didn't take last night's dose. Dumb!!!

4am, I woke up with the familiar shaking, sweating, many trips to the restroom, blood pressure way too high, stomach wants to barf...panic. This could've been avoided but I had to know. Well...now I know. I try this about once a year, same result. If the medicine will no longer be prescribed, this will be my wake-up every day until I give myself a stroke. My BP goes up so high my head buzzes and ears ring. Not the dreaded headaches I get, just "buzzy". Not the faint "normal" ringing ears, but screeching. I know myself well enough to know what is normal and what the changes are plus the cause. This had been my pattern for 3 decades. I wanted to think I didn't need the medicine anymore, that the new doctor was right, even though he's been rude to me. He doesn't want me to become addicted to the medicine, I understand that (me, either!). If the problem is still a problem and long term use is necessary, why mess with what works? The dose hasn't changed in all the years I've used this and it stabilized my life. I wish he could feel what I'm feeling so he could understand. I'd bet he'd phone in sick if he woke up this way!

What I've done to calm myself, the usual...play a dvd movie for background voices, turn on a light, get myself cold (that one is easy in the winter, it's 20 degrees now) and wait. It will pass in a few hours. It's a rough few hours!

I'd like to be off this drug! My hair loss could be related to it. The past couple of months, I've lost so much hair, I look sick. I shed worse than the cats. I've lost 50% of my hair in 2 months. I was no beauty queen to begin with, but this...!! Thank goodness for hats! I googled Klonopin and hair loss- yep, its a possibility. I'd accept baldness over cortisol-induced panic attacks. One of the last comments from the guy I thought I liked was once we're living together, I'd do something with my hair since I stopped taking care of it. Wow. I haven't stopped caring for it, it's going through a major change. If I did live with him, I'd probably pull out the rest from frustration!

The hair loss and rudeness of the doctor were what prompted me to try the experiment. When daylight arrives, I'll feel a little calmer. Thankful for the solar light that keeps me company as well as this forum to organize my thoughts and helps time pass in a productive way.

I shudder to think this panic state is what I have to look forward to in the future. On the plus side, they have it prescribed to be taken every 12 hours but I only use it at bedtime so I have some for hard times. Eventually, it will run out.

A new doctor? Maybe, but renal specialists are hard to find that accept my insurance. I can't afford the full price. Other medications made me feel worse all day long and side effects were awful. I have no long term solution. It took such a long time to figure out the right medication and dose. Once they got it right, my life improved to nearly normal. Having the adrenal gland removed was an option I turned down. I don't want major surgery like that, putting my life in the hands of strangers, especially in these uncertain virus times. I'm not a religious person so I don't have faith that everything will be OK, even if it isn't. I should be a big believer because I'm still alive, but I think of others who should still be here- where was God for them? I'm here because of luck, fate or maybe God, or a little of all those things.

Glad for the daylight, the distant barking dog and signs of life, those are calming to me. I once described how it feels to have a panic attack to That Guy because eventually it would happen and I wanted him to be aware...he said he'd go for a drive and let me deal with it because there's nothing he could do. He's right, but what a statement! I don't know why I let him invade my thoughts, I guess because he still sends photos of properties and his travels, though I don't reply. I wish I could simply drive away and leave anxiety at home!

I'll make today a good one, the house will probably be super-cleaned! Cleaning helps use up this excess energy. I don't think I'll try this experiment again, 10/10 failure rate!

 

[ladee]

Klonopin detox can be very dangerous Kittie. I've had a serious run-in with two Dr's because of this medication. First of all, it works!!! Why mess with something that works.

I finally found a PA who listened to my hysteria of not being able to sleep after my son died. I had detoxed a year and a half ago. I told her the truth as to why the dr's felt it was necessary. Well whoop de doo. they don't live in my brain.

So if the dr feels you need to get off of Klonopin, PLEASE have him detox you in a safe way. I've heard horror stories about that drug detox and can tell you it wasn't anything like that for me and I had been on it for many years. Learning to live without it was hard at first. Then I adjusted.

But when I had gone for three months with only sleeping two hours at a time I was losing my mind. I only get 14 at a time. And they last me well over a month. Even a fourth of one will help me now.

The more you share about that cold-hearted bastard you were thinking of moving in with the angrier I get. Doesn't help you I know. Why don't you block him? You don't have to answer me, just something for you to think about. I was going to ask how you are doing behind the breakup. Even when they are total assholes the aftermath is upsetting. And then someone violating your home space, your safe space.

You have a lot going on. Don't forget about your own mental health right now. Things are so abnormal for all of us and it's really taking a toll on everyone.

Please get this dr to help you if you have to get off of this medication. And yes. Keep those extra's handy. I'm sorry that Dr's are more concerned with covering their asses than doing what is right for us.

Whatever the chemical make up is in Klonopin, it helps my brain. And after that many years of us NOT abusing the drug, I don't see the problem.

Don't let them bully you into a dangerous situation!!! Thinking of you and hoping you realize as time goes by, how you never ever deserved the way AssholeMan treated you. Never!! That's my name for him now. You don't have an ugly mouth as I do, but this is how I see him.

Please take care of yourself. Have you read the 'stress cup' article here on the forum? It may help you to understand when things get to be too much. Sorry I can't get my brain to remember the name of the article, but you can look it up.

My brain feels like I'm a fourth grader trying to talk like an adult. Please take what you need and leave the rest.

 

[woodsy1]

Failed experiment, caused myself a long panic attack.
My new doctor (last one retired) says I've been using Klonopin for too long and suggested other medications that haven't worked in the past. I've woken up with considerably fewer panic attacks in recent years since using this medicine. I felt pretty much normal for a while. I was even wondering if the adrenal gland might have healed so cortisol was being released properly...so I experimented on myself and didn't take last night's dose. Dumb!!!

4am, I woke up with the familiar shaking, sweating, many trips to the restroom, blood pressure way too high, stomach wants to barf...panic. This could've been avoided but I had to know. Well...now I know. I try this about once a year, same result. If the medicine will no longer be prescribed, this will be my wake-up every day until I give myself a stroke. My BP goes up so high my head buzzes and ears ring. Not the dreaded headaches I get, just "buzzy". Not the faint "normal" ringing ears, but screeching. I know myself well enough to know what is normal and what the changes are plus the cause. This had been my pattern for 3 decades. I wanted to think I didn't need the medicine anymore, that the new doctor was right, even though he's been rude to me. He doesn't want me to become addicted to the medicine, I understand that (me, either!). If the problem is still a problem and long term use is necessary, why mess with what works? The dose hasn't changed in all the years I've used this and it stabilized my life. I wish he could feel what I'm feeling so he could understand. I'd bet he'd phone in sick if he woke up this way!

What I've done to calm myself, the usual...play a dvd movie for background voices, turn on a light, get myself cold (that one is easy in the winter, it's 20 degrees now) and wait. It will pass in a few hours. It's a rough few hours!

I'd like to be off this drug! My hair loss could be related to it. The past couple of months, I've lost so much hair, I look sick. I shed worse than the cats. I've lost 50% of my hair in 2 months. I was no beauty queen to begin with, but this...!! Thank goodness for hats! I googled Klonopin and hair loss- yep, its a possibility. I'd accept baldness over cortisol-induced panic attacks. One of the last comments from the guy I thought I liked was once we're living together, I'd do something with my hair since I stopped taking care of it. Wow. I haven't stopped caring for it, it's going through a major change. If I did live with him, I'd probably pull out the rest from frustration!

The hair loss and rudeness of the doctor were what prompted me to try the experiment. When daylight arrives, I'll feel a little calmer. Thankful for the solar light that keeps me company as well as this forum to organize my thoughts and helps time pass in a productive way.

I shudder to think this panic state is what I have to look forward to in the future. On the plus side, they have it prescribed to be taken every 12 hours but I only use it at bedtime so I have some for hard times. Eventually, it will run out.

A new doctor? Maybe, but renal specialists are hard to find that accept my insurance. I can't afford the full price. Other medications made me feel worse all day long and side effects were awful. I have no long term solution. It took such a long time to figure out the right medication and dose. Once they got it right, my life improved to nearly normal. Having the adrenal gland removed was an option I turned down. I don't want major surgery like that, putting my life in the hands of strangers, especially in these uncertain virus times. I'm not a religious person so I don't have faith that everything will be OK, even if it isn't. I should be a big believer because I'm still alive, but I think of others who should still be here- where was God for them? I'm here because of luck, fate or maybe God, or a little of all those things.

Glad for the daylight, the distant barking dog and signs of life, those are calming to me. I once described how it feels to have a panic attack to That Guy because eventually it would happen and I wanted him to be aware...he said he'd go for a drive and let me deal with it because there's nothing he could do. He's right, but what a statement! I don't know why I let him invade my thoughts, I guess because he still sends photos of properties and his travels, though I don't reply. I wish I could simply drive away and leave anxiety at home!

I'll make today a good one, the house will probably be super-cleaned! Cleaning helps use up this excess energy. I don't think I'll try this experiment again, 10/10 failure rate!

I'm sorry for your struggle with benzo medication. These meds can cause many health problems long term. In addition, they are incredibly hard to taper off of.

I'm 5 months into a very slow taper off of 1mg clonazepam per day. It's been a hellish 5 months coming down only 5%-10% every week or two. The last .25 mg per day has me stalled for a while. It's just crumbles of a pill per day, but harder than heck to finish tapering off.

Ugh!

Only those of us who have taken benzos can understand. For a while they really seem to help. Then they cause problems. Then they are incredibly hard to come off of.

You'll find lots of good info and support for coming off slowly, if you do so, over at benzo buddies dot com.

All the best,
Woodsy1

 

[Kittie]

Klonopin detox can be very dangerous Kittie. I've had a serious run-in with two Dr's because of this medication. First of all, it works!!! Why mess with something that works.

Of all the medications tried, this one helped most with fewer side effects. I wish this new Dr didn't have such a "God complex" and discount the info the adrenal specialist gave, with his treatment plan...because the specialist was on target with the diagnosis and treatment. It made perfect sense to the Dr who retired, he supported me, not just filled me with drugs.

I finally found a PA who listened to my hysteria of not being able to sleep after my son died. I had detoxed a year and a half ago. I told her the truth as to why the dr's felt it was necessary. Well whoop de doo. they don't live in my brain.

I'm very sorry for your loss...we have that in common. No one who hasn't experienced it can understand.

So if the dr feels you need to get off of Klonopin, PLEASE have him detox you in a safe way. I've heard horror stories about that drug detox and can tell you it wasn't anything like that for me and I had been on it for many years. Learning to live without it was hard at first. Then I adjusted.

But when I had gone for three months with only sleeping two hours at a time I was losing my mind. I only get 14 at a time. And they last me well over a month. Even a fourth of one will help me now.

I'm glad you were able to make adjustments and not need the medicine so much. That sounds like a big plus in your life, I'm genuinely happy for you! I wish the same for myself. My adrenal gland is damaged physically to the point a tumor has grown over it, the major cause of overproduction of cortisol. It isn't cancerous and the scan 2 years ago, it was 2mm too small for insurance to cover the gland being removed. Its been there many years and grows so slowly, I think the 14mm rule is nuts when its so disruptive to my life, when the outcome will result in surgery anyway. If I could afford it, the surgery would have been done when it was diagnosed...but I don't have thousands of dollars laying around. Bureaucratic red tape. Remove gland and tumor= removes the problem. Then any anxiety I have would be mental and no physical cause. If you get bored, ask Google "what's the cause of waking up with panic attacks?" The specialist had me CT scanned and he was right...adrenal gland tumor. The growth rate is so slow, it may be a few more years before it gets from 12mm to 14, but I have some comfort knowing the true cause of morning panic. It also feels different than nightmare wake-up anxiety or general anxiety.

The more you share about that cold-hearted bastard you were thinking of moving in with the angrier I get. Doesn't help you I know. Why don't you block him? You don't have to answer me, just something for you to think about. I was going to ask how you are doing behind the breakup. Even when they are total assholes the aftermath is upsetting. And then someone violating your home space, your safe space.

The more I think back, the more forgiving I was in hopes I was misreading his personality. His true colors showed through and I wondered why I put so much worry into what he would think of me. I'd be fine with ending our friendship, he got on my last nerve. I think I've blocked him by not responding and am prepared to not answer the door if he showed up. He worked hard at covering up being an asshole, it's not terribly upsetting to end this mess as soon as I realized that wasn't a good situation. The only sadness I feel is the loss of a happy future with someone, but it could be with someone else. I'm not on a "manhunt", haha...I just don't do well alone.

As far as the thieves, this country bumpkin area is seeing a sudden increase of this problem. Everyone's a target. They scout out people's properties on 4-wheelers and "visit" later. A suggestion is a spike strip of garden hose and 3-inch nails...but my luck, I'd run it over! I have a lot of open field and hilly trails and "no trespassing" signs are useless. Tomorrow, I'll get some planks and flip locks. I'll build a Flintstones-style removable barricade for some of the doors. People out here are pretty much on their own.

You have a lot going on. Don't forget about your own mental health right now. Things are so abnormal for all of us and it's really taking a toll on everyone.

I do stress a bit about the virus and not wanting a vaccine. I've heard unsettling rumors...so I'll ignore conspiracy theories and be the ostrich with my head in the sand...ignorance is bliss.

Please get this dr to help you if you have to get off of this medication. And yes. Keep those extra's handy. I'm sorry that Dr's are more concerned with covering their asses than doing what is right for us.

This state had an increase in drug abuse and certain drugs that made the list, they're wanting to stop prescribing. That hits hard those who need them for serious reasons. Paying the price because some people abuse it is unfair, it should be on a case-by-case basis and CT scans don't lie. If I understand right, addicts need more and more to get the desired effect. My dose hasn't changed since Day 1.

Whatever the chemical make up is in Klonopin, it helps my brain. And after that many years of us NOT abusing the drug, I don't see the problem.

It's been proven to reduce adrenal cortisol as well as help mental anxiety. A lady I once knew used it for seizures. It seems like it has many purposes. The purpose of the Powers That Be in this state is to stop people from taking it as well as certain types of pain medicine. I rarely use pain medicine and never with anxiety medicine. I choose, pain or anxiety? I'll take the pain because that only affects the part that hurts, anxiety affects the whole body AND the mind.

Don't let them bully you into a dangerous situation!!! Thinking of you and hoping you realize as time goes by, how you never ever deserved the way AssholeMan treated you. Never!! That's my name for him now. You don't have an ugly mouth as I do, but this is how I see him.

Teehee, after getting to know him as he truly is, your jaw may drop at the mental nicknames I have for him! I was worried I wouldn't be "good enough"...but it turns out that I may have been compatible for him, but he isn't for me. I'm not brokenhearted as I expected I would be. He's probably the one hurting because I ignore him. No one was supposed to be hurt, we ended friendly...then he decided I must not have really wanted to part ways. We were never more than friends to begin with, but if something developed, great. It developed...into an eye-opening experience. I know I don't have to settle for a life like that. Insulting my dog was the last straw! I haven't been into the dating scene at all, so he would've become the first since my divorce if the friendship turned out that way. After several "last straws", it turned into "please just go away". I let him go easy, he's having a problem with going...so I feel he's hurt a bit and for that I truly am sorry. He could impress any gal, but good luck keeping her!

Please take care of yourself. Have you read the 'stress cup' article here on the forum? It may help you to understand when things get to be too much. Sorry I can't get my brain to remember the name of the article, but you can look it up.

I've seen the article referred to, possibly read it...but it may be a good time to read it again. My memory is out to lunch. I feel kind of silly now, typing through morning anxiety because its gone now...I did some fast paced cleaning in a cold environment and it fixed me. The kidney specialist said cold helps because the body has to burn energy to shiver, shivering reduces cortisol.

My brain feels like I'm a fourth grader trying to talk like an adult. Please take what you need and leave the rest.

Oh, heck! Never feel that way with me! Smile! You have all good info, so I'll take it all! Truth be told, I'll be forever 24 in my brain even as my body ages. The whack on the head left my brain at the age of the accident, so I'm sometimes surprised I'm as old as I am. The real shocker was when I feared I wouldn't be "good enough" for my non-friend, I looked at singles ads for a day...just to see what kind of people are advertising themselves (curiosity)...and I had to search among the older folks! I didn't contact any because my path will cross with someone when its meant to. As a hermit, I have no idea about dating but didn't see any that impressed me. I see myself as inferior to almost everyone.

Never feel shy to say anything...I compare myself to Baby Huey (an old cartoon)!

 

[Kittie]

I'm sorry for your struggle with benzo medication. These meds can cause many health problems long term. In addition, they are incredibly hard to taper off of.

I didn't know there was a problem because it was prescribed to treat a condition caused by a tumor on my adrenal gland that is still active. My old Dr retired and the new one is a bit on the rude side. He views every patient as an addict. I'd be thrilled if there was a better way to control the tumor's chemical imbalance! I was an early morning E.R. visitor many mornings, feeling as I did this morning until I was referred to an adrenal specialist. I had no idea my kidney had a problem, I just knew mornings were horrible. I'd never heard of Klonopin before but it worked. Since it worked, the specialist said to use it until the tumor grew large enough to be removed, it was 2mm too small. It isn't cancerous so its not a threat.

I'll prepare to be taken off the drug. The plan is to replace it with blood pressure medication and another called Prozac. To me, switching and adding more pills doesn't seem right...but he went to med school, I didn't.

I'm 5 months into a very slow taper off of 1mg clonazepam per day. It's been a hellish 5 months coming down only 5%-10% every week or two. The last .25 mg per day has me stalled for a while. It's just crumbles of a pill per day, but harder than heck to finish tapering off.

Ugh!

I'm sorry to hear you're having this struggle! I suppose I'll be in the same boat. I want to be prepared as I can because my body produces the chemical cortisol at 67% above normal. I'll learn from the people who have gone through ending the medication before me. I had no idea it would be difficult to rid my life of it! You will probably teach me a lot!

Only those of us who have taken benzos can understand. For a while they really seem to help. Then they cause problems. Then they are incredibly hard to come off of.

I didn't know they caused problems over time...it seemed to be the answer since my labs were showing normal cortisol levels and I felt much better. I think I'll be in for a heck of a ride. I haven't imagined or experienced withdrawal, so I don't know what's in store for me. It will do me good to learn as much as I can ahead of time, knowledge is power!

You'll find lots of good info and support for coming off slowly, if you do so, over at benzo buddies dot com.

All the best,
Woodsy1

Thank you for sharing your experience and the info. Sorry you have to endure the hardship. All the best to you, too! Thank you again!

 

[ladee]

Kittie, before you go along with this Dr's plan, please take the documentation that states WHY you are on this med. This is not just an anxiety disorder thing going on. Your overall health is involved. If you don't have the documentation then find it and take it with you.

Time to be assertive here Kittie. This is not me going in saying I can't sleep, my anxiety is thru the roof. Very different medical needs with this one... Please make sure he knows this and if you have to, change Dr's. I don't care if they've been to school. It has nothing to do with listening to the patient.

Don't be bullied into something that is not good for you.

 

[woodsy1]

I didn't know there was a problem because it was prescribed to treat a condition caused by a tumor on my adrenal gland that is still active. My old Dr retired and the new one is a bit on the rude side. He views every patient as an addict. I'd be thrilled if there was a better way to control the tumor's chemical imbalance! I was an early morning E.R. visitor many mornings, feeling as I did this morning until I was referred to an adrenal specialist. I had no idea my kidney had a problem, I just knew mornings were horrible. I'd never heard of Klonopin before but it worked. Since it worked, the specialist said to use it until the tumor grew large enough to be removed, it was 2mm too small. It isn't cancerous so its not a threat.

My entire story with mental health concerns is very similar. Started back in 2003 with hypothyroidism and a diagnosis of MDD with psychotic features. Doesn't that sound lovely?

Then sleep apnea in 2009(ish). And synthetic thyroid meds (t4) stopped working for me. That brought with it elevated liver levels and chronic kidney disease (stage 3). Additional traumas brought me to C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, Social Anxiety. What fun!

I'll prepare to be taken off the drug. The plan is to replace it with blood pressure medication and another called Prozac. To me, switching and adding more pills doesn't seem right...but he went to med school, I didn't.

Just something to think about on this note. If the switch works and you are able to get off the Klonopin (same as what I'm taking), congrats, you are one of the fortunate few. If not, you could be in for a ride nobody can prepare themselves for. Not trying to scare you, but help you prepare.

Many (most) medical doctors have absolutely no clue how hellish coming off benzos can be. They think you can fast taper by cutting in half for a while then stopping completely with the aid of some substitute meds like a blood pressure pill and an antidepressant. This does work for a few folks. But many end up struggling for months or even years.

You may be able to tell your doctor that you are concerned about a fast taper and refer him to benzo buddies for more info. There are great resources there by medical experts who have helped thousands of people perform SAFE tapers off of benzos.

Again, I don't mean to scare you. The better prepared you are in advance, the more likely your success. I know that for ME there is no way I could go cold turkey off klonopin onto bp meds and an ssri anti-depressant. I would probably end up in the E.R.

I'm sorry to hear you're having this struggle! I suppose I'll be in the same boat. I want to be prepared as I can because my body produces the chemical cortisol at 67% above normal. I'll learn from the people who have gone through ending the medication before me. I had no idea it would be difficult to rid my life of it! You will probably teach me a lot!

I hope I don't teach you a lot. I hope rather that you are one of the lucky ones who can come off with less difficulty.

You likely already know there are supplements and minerals that can help balance cortisol. Everyone is different, but I have found a few things helpful over the years.

I didn't know they caused problems over time...it seemed to be the answer since my labs were showing normal cortisol levels and I felt much better. I think I'll be in for a heck of a ride. I haven't imagined or experienced withdrawal, so I don't know what's in store for me. It will do me good to learn as much as I can ahead of time, knowledge is power!

You can read a lot of people's experiences with withdrawal over at benzo buddies. That and the tapering info there has helped me the most.

Withdrawals basically=Original symptoms x10 (or more)

Thank you for sharing your experience and the info. Sorry you have to endure the hardship. All the best to you, too! Thank you again!

You are welcome. And thank you. I hope all goes well for you.

We're always here for you.
Woodsy1

 

[Freida]

This state had an increase in drug abuse and certain drugs that made the list, they're wanting to stop prescribing. That hits hard those who need them for serious reasons. Paying the price because some people abuse it is unfair, it should be on a case-by-case basis and CT scans don't lie. If I understand right, addicts need more and more to get the desired effect. My dose hasn't changed since Day 1.

yep -- I get punished for them too.
My doctor is one of the few left who will prescribe pain meds - which are the only thing that keep me going some days.
Ive been on the exact same dosage for 9 years.
I know how to monitor my use, how to use it as a last resort, how to use all the alternatives first, the whole thing
And yet we still have to go thru this stupid review ever 90 days to make sure I'm not abusing them.
Every 90 days
For years
I'm forced to defend myself and she is forced to fill out a shitton of paperwork explaining why she prescribes them Because others got addicted.

Ya ya, addiction is a bad thing - I get it
but damn
When you are the one who is responsible with your meds you shouldn't be treated like an addict

 

[Kittie]

Kittie, before you go along with this Dr's plan, please take the documentation that states WHY you are on this med. This is not just an anxiety disorder thing going on. Your overall health is involved. If you don't have the documentation then find it and take it with you.

I'm going to ask the specialist to fax my file to the local doc and hopefully he reads it. Too bad the other doctor is over 100 miles away, I'd prefer he was monitoring me, at least he understands the issue.

Time to be assertive here Kittie. This is not me going in saying I can't sleep, my anxiety is thru the roof. Very different medical needs with this one... Please make sure he knows this and if you have to, change Dr's. I don't care if they've been to school. It has nothing to do with listening to the patient.

The scenario is an old hag telling a young whipper-snapper how to do his job when he doesn't look old enough to have a driver's license and acts like he knows it all. I may change doctors.....but, if this drug is bad for me, I don't want it, even if it "helps". I'd sell my car to pay for the corrective surgery but it would only get enough to make the down payment, they estimate it would be $7,000 or more. I'd rather avoid the rat poison drug that's well known to cause serious problems. I'll cowgirl up and be done with any drug if necessary, even though I know it would be difficult.

Don't be bullied into something that is not good for you.

I no longer know what's good for me, I only know what has worked for years. If I'm doing more damage in the long-run, I don't want that! I'm going to ask the specialist to send a special request to the insurance company to see if they would reconsider the 14mm rule, though it may have reached it by now. I know I have scans and endless testing ahead of me, but if they would get rid of the damaged adrenal gland, I think I'd be better off. I'm not a know-it-all, I depend on the professionals. If the request is granted, I'll still have the withdrawal to deal with but it's a step closer to "normal life". I'm willing to be put through a CT (very triggering) to see where things stand now. It could save my sanity later.

Again, thank you for your support and advice!

 

[Kittie]

My entire story with mental health concerns is very similar. Started back in 2003 with hypothyroidism and a diagnosis of MDD with psychotic features. Doesn't that sound lovely?

It sucks when the body rebels against itself, taking the mind with it. I'm not sure what MDD is, hyperthyroidism is something I do understand (my thyroid was removed but meds for it made me feel awful so I quit them and feel fine). You've been dealing with with stuff for ages, I can relate. I hope you recover from it all and feel better than ever! If I had a magic wand.... However, I'm sending healing vibes!

Then sleep apnea in 2009(ish). And synthetic thyroid meds (t4) stopped working for me. That brought with it elevated liver levels and chronic kidney disease (stage 3). Additional traumas brought me to C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, Social Anxiety. What fun!

Wow, your load got even heavier! That sounds like such a challenge. I understand sleep apnea, mom used a CPAP. Elevated liver levels, thats me, too. If its from the benzo, anxiety or other cause, I don't know. I'd like to see you overcome all those things and you have my total support! Everything is connected to everything else, one thing goes wrong and the whole system gets out of whack. I wish there was an easy solution for us all.

Just something to think about on this note. If the switch works and you are able to get off the Klonopin (same as what I'm taking), congrats, you are one of the fortunate few. If not, you could be in for a ride nobody can prepare themselves for. Not trying to scare you, but help you prepare.

I'm glad for the knowledge, you've given me more insight than the doctor regarding this matter! Thank you, Dr Woodsy! The physician didn't mention withdrawal, just said "this is the last time I'm going to prescribe this" and didn't clue me in to what's to come. You've been more insightful than the person getting paid to help people!

Many (most) medical doctors have absolutely no clue how hellish coming off benzos can be. They think you can fast taper by cutting in half for a while then stopping completely with the aid of some substitute meds like a blood pressure pill and an antidepressant. This does work for a few folks. But many end up struggling for months or even years.

In the old days, they gave out drugs for everything, today getting what is needed is a difficulty after they realized they caused a lot of addiction problems. I'd pass on the blood pressure drug after seeing firsthand the negative effects it had on my mom. I'd be happy drug-free, I think most of it has pros and cons. It will likely take more effort than I realized but I'd be willing to try.

You may be able to tell your doctor that you are concerned about a fast taper and refer him to benzo buddies for more info. There are great resources there by medical experts who have helped thousands of people perform SAFE tapers off of benzos.

I looked up benzo buddies, a lot of helpful info there, too, so I thank you for that reference. Good luck getting Dr KnowItAll to read anything there, but I sure will and will benefit from it immensely.

Again, I don't mean to scare you. The better prepared you are in advance, the more likely your success. I know that for ME there is no way I could go cold turkey off klonopin onto bp meds and an ssri anti-depressant. I would probably end up in the E.R.

My body is so sensitive to everything, I prefer to skip the 2 drugs if the one is removed. Over 10 visits to the ER in a month, at the same time of day, with the same symptoms and just a temporary solution only to be sent home with no answers until a doctor who was tuned in to renal issues CT scanned me and found the problem. I was relieved to know I wasn't losing my mind after all, but the fear of a tumor freaked me out. I hope something is done with me and I'm not left in limbo. I read my state has talked about "selective care", meaning young people or certain conditions will be cared for first, leaving cancer patients and older folks by the wayside in delayed care. I'm not a cancer patient but I do have multiple issues, so I may have been put into the category of 2nd class people for treatment. How much is real news and how much is BS is anyone's guess.

I hope I don't teach you a lot. I hope rather that you are one of the lucky ones who can come off with less difficulty.

Your info has been very valuable to me! I wish you a smoother ride than you've had.

You likely already know there are supplements and minerals that can help balance cortisol. Everyone is different, but I have found a few things helpful over the years.

I have kidney stone problems if I take vitamins containing calcium or foods like spinach, cheese, yogurt. Cranberries help break down the stones because they're high in acid. I've had too many kidney stone surgeries and don't want to do that again ever. The last one was last year. Cheese is my weakness! Vitamin D is one I need to avoid.

I'll take any suggestions you have on supplements to lower cortisol. I may have read some, but not everything. No one knows more than someone who's been there!

You can read a lot of people's experiences with withdrawal over at benzo buddies. That and the tapering info there has helped me the most.

Withdrawals basically=Original symptoms x10 (or more)

I've read some and it's a wake-up call for what lies ahead, not looking forward to it, but want to do what's best for my body. If I had my way, I'd have the cortisol causing problem removed before removing the anti-cortisol medication, but I only went to veterinary school, haha.

You are welcome. And thank you. I hope all goes well for you.

We're always here for you.
Woodsy1

Thank you, there's strength in knowing people truly understand. Sorry your insight comes from personal suffering though. I'm glad for the knowledge you've shared with me and someday, I'll be able to pass it on to someone else!

Take care!

 

[Kittie]

yep -- I get punished for them too.
My doctor is one of the few left who will prescribe pain meds - which are the only thing that keep me going some days.
Ive been on the exact same dosage for 9 years.
I know how to monitor my use, how to use it as a last resort, how to use all the alternatives first, the whole thing
And yet we still have to go thru this stupid review ever 90 days to make sure I'm not abusing them.
Every 90 days
For years
I'm forced to defend myself and she is forced to fill out a shitton of paperwork explaining why she prescribes them Because others got addicted.

Ya ya, addiction is a bad thing - I get it
but damn
When you are the one who is responsible with your meds you shouldn't be treated like an addict

Yes! You totally understand as well!

I had no idea so many others were in this boat, but here we all are trying to stay afloat. If I took every drug I was offered, I'd be a mess. Well, I am a mess, but I'd be a worse mess!

I used strong pain medication for a long time but as pain decreased, the need for the medicine decreased. As I healed, I didn't keep using it. I still have 17 of 20 tablets from last year's kidney surgery.

At the rate they used to hand out drugs, its no wonder many became addicted. I have no idea yet if I'm addicted to the "benzo" or not because I haven't had the chance to experience life without the problem it was prescribed for. For the length of time that its been, it wouldn't surprise me if my body became addicted. I'd like it resolved, one way or another.

If surgery would restore my body's chemical balance, I dread it but would fear catching a virus they say is out of control in my state. My last surgery for kidney problems left me in a time warp waking up, that was embarrassing. I'd still like to get it over with than be criminalized for being a long term patient.

I was told, "changing doctors is a drug-seeking behavior." The old doc retired, he was older than Marcus Welby! (old tv doctor show). I was passed along to his replacement! It's like banging my head on a tree!

I'm sorry you have to "justify " yourself as a patient. It's demoralizing. The medical profession (and insurance companies) have taken such a cold turn. Somewhere they stopped seeing patients as people. So sorry for your experience!

Warm wishes and good vibes!