growing up without a spine, so how do I get one?

[Bubblegum]

So, essentially, I grew up without a spine, my mom would emotionally and physically abuse me, and blame me for a lot of nonsensical stuff. And that snowballed down the line, being an empath and a people pleaser is the worst life decision that I've made, and you could probably blame half of my trauma for that alone :T

I'm very dependent, shy, anxious and terrified of conflict,

But I'm fed up with it, and I'm trying to set boundaries more, and speak up, so, what did you do to break out of that pattern? How did you become stronger and more independent?

And if you're like me, how do you feel it affects your day to day life?

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @Bubblegum, welcome to the site. It takes a lot of courage to stick up for yourself and set boundaries. When I was younger I couldn't say "no" to things and I was afraid of conflict because my dad was a violent and abusive alcoholic. That f*cked me up. Now I'm much better at sticking up for myself. It takes practice though.

 

[Bubblegum]

Hi @Bubblegum, welcome to the site. It takes a lot of courage to stick up for yourself and set boundaries. When I was younger I couldn't say "no" to things and I was afraid of conflict because my dad was a violent and abusive alcoholic. That f*cked me up. Now I'm much better at sticking up for myself. It takes practice though.

My partner went through the same thing, we constantly have to remind each other that we can say no, even among ourselves. It's hard to learn how to stick up to yourself, and it's messy, but it'll be worth it in the end

 

[DharmaGirl]

I used the DBT Workbook to help me learn boundaries. It is my life's work though since it's easy to fall into old patterns. I'm an empath and I don't socialize much. It's too exhausting.

 

[Bubblegum]

I used the DBT Workbook to help me learn boundaries. It is my life's work though since it's easy to fall into old patterns. I'm an empath and I don't socialize much. It's too exhausting.

I've been looking for more self help books, and this one looks interesting, but yeah falling into old patterns is easy and I feel you on that.