How do I get through the day vs. how do I achieve anything?

[Hopefulphoenix]

@SeekingAfrica hey, just read this thread and my heart went out to you, so im replying quickly even tho its midnight here!
First of all I identify with you so much. Without the suicidal ideation I have been too in a bleak hole of hopelessness today about “goals”.
I was just going to write in my t diary I am struggling so much to accept all the gazillion painful things from my cptsd that I simply CANT change. I can ruin a whole day going down a black hole of rumination on them.
I have just started with a new therapist..and am finding it so hard to take it on faith that trying -this time- is going to bring me from surviving to thriving as Pete Walker (author) states.
My goals are tiny and a part of me isnt willing because I simply cannot imagine the bigger picture of having it better. But sometimes I can see, like a flash of light in the darkness, that they will help, or that I have to try. Do you have those flashes of light/sensibility? I believe this is when Im closest to reality and furthest from cog distortions.
My goals are stuff, at the moment like biking to the shop to buy a couple of ingredients (exposure as I isolate), spend 20 minutes sorting jigsaw pieces, watch a show I might like for 20 minutes. Then one bit of housework. Also teaching myself to cook. I have to find out who I am at 43 years old!
I completely understand what you say when you are fed up of trying; me too! But at least we ARE and we dont give up. For me, unfortunately that involves dark days of just survival too. Goodness if people out there had the emotions we did I dont think they would do any better!
I hope any of this reached you, or that I didnt misunderstand your post. You are not alone x

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m not trying to be rude, but based on your recent posts, I don’t think you’re ready for 90 day goals.

I think right now you’ve got to focus on daily goals.

I kind of think that 90 day, 180 day, 365 day goals can be detrimental because you get so focused on getting to that goal.....that when you fall short, you feel like a failure, instead of focusing on the gmfact that you actually have improved in the past 90 days, etc.

As my dad would say, damn those Swiss! It’s his way of saying that time is so arbitrary, we shouldn’t be so focused on it. Hell, if we lived on another planet, a day may take 3 earth years, an month may take 5 earth days. But, I digress....

I don’t have time sensitive goals, beyond my daily schedule/to do list. I just push forward. When I get there, I get there.

Remember, you can’t push a river.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

@Hopefulphoenix I do think your message was perfectly clear and very kind, thank you. And it really does help. I have been a bit worried about turning 30 and being unemployed(having some work, but not fulltime, and looking!)... Yes, I do get these flashes of light through the darkness moments somedays. Thank you for sharing, it really helps me feel not alone.

@EveHarrington I don't think the 'I don't want to be rude part' was needed:) - I think if you have to say/write that, than you probably think it can come off sounding rude. Regardless, I get the message itself.
I don't think I am ready entirely for 90 day goals either, but on the other hand goals are usually what reminds me to look at the future, if that makes sense. To remember that things right now might be bad, but I am doing something so they change. But on the other hand you have a point too. There is a reason I tried this few times and it fell apart. It would help to have daily things I do towards a certain objective that is bigger than just the day itself. But 90 maybe too much. I will try to think of how to align the idea of trying to change something with my current reality as well. Maybe something like doing overarching objectives that don't have specific timeline(like finding a job) and then each day doing mini-task towards the objective, we'll see. Or something else, not sure yet. Need to think about this some more.