Chris-duck
Policy Enforcement
Sexual Assault - Unsure how to define this - 2 years of um coerced sex
For background.
So yeah, that first post on that thread explains the thing that happened. But I'm still struggling with one aspect (more, but specifically this part which why I didn't just reopen that thread).
It's still kinda considered a social thing, like handover was "she knew she was gonna be raped but *socialising*", and it's more of a "I knew I was gonna be raped but I could party first, or be at a supermarket first, or just go a walk first, either way, leaving my flat meant rape." So rightly or wrongly, my brain was like "someones gonna f*ck you anyway, make it f*cking worth it". And I feel like it negates the months of having to stay inside cos I'd be grabbed walking, or shopping or whatever normal people do.
And I think this makes me a bit of a bitch to be people with agoraphobia, cos I don't say it but I can't stop thinking that people "wrongly" thinking theyll be attacked every time they go outside contribute to Ts idea that I don't *literally* mean I'd be doing normal shit, so hypervigilance annoys me, cos it's like I'm dismissed cos they imagine I was just hypervigilant and paranoid, when like yeah my worst times were at parties, but they're worst cos of lack of backup, or witnesses. So I'll be like "Aw yeh so like if I went outside to grab some bread n saw one they'd probs at least grab me and drag me somewhere down n shove their hand down my pants but like wtf was I meant to do? Stay inside 24/7?"
I am a bit annoyed at the vague handover, cos like it reads like I considered rape "worth it" for a wee party (phrased more sensitively, but the idea just still doesn't sit right and yeah I'll say to her), and technically yeah, but also.. If your chances of rape at a supermarket and party are basically equal, f*ck it. Go to the party.
And please don't reply telling me about how hypervigilance is understandable in all scenarios, I know this. I'm specifically talking about how it's assumed I was hypervigilant and paranoid when it was my reality.
For background.
So yeah, that first post on that thread explains the thing that happened. But I'm still struggling with one aspect (more, but specifically this part which why I didn't just reopen that thread).
It's still kinda considered a social thing, like handover was "she knew she was gonna be raped but *socialising*", and it's more of a "I knew I was gonna be raped but I could party first, or be at a supermarket first, or just go a walk first, either way, leaving my flat meant rape." So rightly or wrongly, my brain was like "someones gonna f*ck you anyway, make it f*cking worth it". And I feel like it negates the months of having to stay inside cos I'd be grabbed walking, or shopping or whatever normal people do.
And I think this makes me a bit of a bitch to be people with agoraphobia, cos I don't say it but I can't stop thinking that people "wrongly" thinking theyll be attacked every time they go outside contribute to Ts idea that I don't *literally* mean I'd be doing normal shit, so hypervigilance annoys me, cos it's like I'm dismissed cos they imagine I was just hypervigilant and paranoid, when like yeah my worst times were at parties, but they're worst cos of lack of backup, or witnesses. So I'll be like "Aw yeh so like if I went outside to grab some bread n saw one they'd probs at least grab me and drag me somewhere down n shove their hand down my pants but like wtf was I meant to do? Stay inside 24/7?"
I am a bit annoyed at the vague handover, cos like it reads like I considered rape "worth it" for a wee party (phrased more sensitively, but the idea just still doesn't sit right and yeah I'll say to her), and technically yeah, but also.. If your chances of rape at a supermarket and party are basically equal, f*ck it. Go to the party.
And please don't reply telling me about how hypervigilance is understandable in all scenarios, I know this. I'm specifically talking about how it's assumed I was hypervigilant and paranoid when it was my reality.