barefoot
MyPTSD Pro
I’m having an endoscopy (camera down the throat) on Wednesday. I’ve already arranged to have it under the heaviest sedation possible. It’s meant that I’ve had to wait longer to have the procedure, but I think it’s worth it.
I don’t cope well with doctors/medical procedures (esp invasive ones)
And I don’t like things being in my body.
And I am weirdly phobic about my throat. I can’t hear people touching it. I don’t like touching it myself. I have, for as long as I can remember, have an irrational fear of my throat being cut open and my throat kind of falling out. It’s extremely anxiety-making once I start thinking about it - and then hard to stop.
I’ve been ignoring the endoscopy ever since I told the consultant that I have ptsd, medical stuff is triggering and that it’ll be easier all round if you give me the heaviest sedation possible…and he was very kind and said that he will arrange that. So that’s what’s happening. So, job done on that front…have been avoiding thinking about it ever since. But now it’s happening the day after tomorrow and the anxiety is kicking in and I’m aware I need to wrap my head around it so I’m prepared and not spooked when I get there.
Would usually have a therapy session ahead of a procedure to talk things through and get prepped. But no therapy session as my T has had to take some leave for a family issue.
When my throat anxiety is in overdrive, I clear my throat a lot, gulp a lot and feel like I need pressure on my throat so that it doesn’t feel like it can just drop out. I know this is stupid… I’ve been sitting wearing a neck warmer/snood thing all night so that I can feel some compression, which feels safer. And my wife and I have been ignoring the increasing coughs, throat clearing, funny noises from my throat that kick in sort of compulsory when this gets bad.
I’m now in bed. Still wearing the snood and keeping my chin down so my throat isn’t exposed. Have taken 2 valium.
I’ve written in another thread about thinking about ending therapy. But that aside, I am finding it difficult not having her to talk this through with. She is generally very calming about these things and helps me come up with a plan to feel more in control and less afraid. And she doesn’t make me feel awkward or embarrassed about the compulsive throat noises. So, I miss not having her to help me with this.
J am very worried about having a throat spray. I don’t want my throat to go numb. I don’t want to not feel it. To not be able to swallow. I am in a tearful panic just thinking about it.
I thought if I was having heavy sedation, I wouldn’t get the throat spray. But now, having looked online (worst thing I could probably do!) it looks like I will have both. Throat spray first, then the thing put in my mouth, then the sedation.
Also panicking about the cannula going in. The very thought of it makes me want to run. It’s very triggering. But I have had it recently and, of course, survived!
Because of covid, my wife can only drop me off. She cannot come in and wait with me like she usually does.
I’m in a tizz.
And that’s not even thinking about what they will find.
I wish I wasn’t such a wimp with this stuff.
Anyone who’s had an endoscopy with heavy sedation - any tips? Or any reassuring, positive stories?
Or any tips from anyone about getting the squeamish throat thing under control? I’ve never met anyone who really seems to know what I’m talking about when I talk about my throat phobia/intrusive thoughts about my throat being cut and gaping open. People usually just look at me like I’m mad. I can’t seem to stop it tonight :(
I don’t cope well with doctors/medical procedures (esp invasive ones)
And I don’t like things being in my body.
And I am weirdly phobic about my throat. I can’t hear people touching it. I don’t like touching it myself. I have, for as long as I can remember, have an irrational fear of my throat being cut open and my throat kind of falling out. It’s extremely anxiety-making once I start thinking about it - and then hard to stop.
I’ve been ignoring the endoscopy ever since I told the consultant that I have ptsd, medical stuff is triggering and that it’ll be easier all round if you give me the heaviest sedation possible…and he was very kind and said that he will arrange that. So that’s what’s happening. So, job done on that front…have been avoiding thinking about it ever since. But now it’s happening the day after tomorrow and the anxiety is kicking in and I’m aware I need to wrap my head around it so I’m prepared and not spooked when I get there.
Would usually have a therapy session ahead of a procedure to talk things through and get prepped. But no therapy session as my T has had to take some leave for a family issue.
When my throat anxiety is in overdrive, I clear my throat a lot, gulp a lot and feel like I need pressure on my throat so that it doesn’t feel like it can just drop out. I know this is stupid… I’ve been sitting wearing a neck warmer/snood thing all night so that I can feel some compression, which feels safer. And my wife and I have been ignoring the increasing coughs, throat clearing, funny noises from my throat that kick in sort of compulsory when this gets bad.
I’m now in bed. Still wearing the snood and keeping my chin down so my throat isn’t exposed. Have taken 2 valium.
I’ve written in another thread about thinking about ending therapy. But that aside, I am finding it difficult not having her to talk this through with. She is generally very calming about these things and helps me come up with a plan to feel more in control and less afraid. And she doesn’t make me feel awkward or embarrassed about the compulsive throat noises. So, I miss not having her to help me with this.
J am very worried about having a throat spray. I don’t want my throat to go numb. I don’t want to not feel it. To not be able to swallow. I am in a tearful panic just thinking about it.
I thought if I was having heavy sedation, I wouldn’t get the throat spray. But now, having looked online (worst thing I could probably do!) it looks like I will have both. Throat spray first, then the thing put in my mouth, then the sedation.
Also panicking about the cannula going in. The very thought of it makes me want to run. It’s very triggering. But I have had it recently and, of course, survived!
Because of covid, my wife can only drop me off. She cannot come in and wait with me like she usually does.
I’m in a tizz.
And that’s not even thinking about what they will find.
I wish I wasn’t such a wimp with this stuff.
Anyone who’s had an endoscopy with heavy sedation - any tips? Or any reassuring, positive stories?
Or any tips from anyone about getting the squeamish throat thing under control? I’ve never met anyone who really seems to know what I’m talking about when I talk about my throat phobia/intrusive thoughts about my throat being cut and gaping open. People usually just look at me like I’m mad. I can’t seem to stop it tonight :(