Hi @EveHarrington , nice to 'see' you again.
I do relate to what you're saying, perhaps differently as more from neglect than all being abusive (as a child), as all (for me) were not.
I wrote this in another post today, by chance: ".. our (severly abused) dog came named from the shelter as Shadow. But she became secure or safe or confident enough to come out in to her own light." And I think this may be more where the issue can be approached; I think after years (for me), trust or lack of trust is simply the symptom (but not congruent entirely). I think the issue (again, just speaking from my experience) is attachment. So, like food for example, most people see it as a good thing, not a painful thing, or a frightening thing. So they look forward to dinners; they fear doing without. But food is also necessary in some form, and there are good and better and bad choices. But if food was withheld or you associate it with abuse, food has other loaded fears and messages.
Attachment can be learned, and it does take exposure. But I think what is critical is in the process choosing very carefully. You have also made good decisions to acknowledge red flags and extricate. But it might help also to make sure you are not subconciously or unconsciously giving time or trust to people who will hurt you, to avoid actually having to experience the fearful process of attaching. [ ETA, there could have been neglect, abuse, enmeshment. What is also necessary is good boundaries, respect, genuineness. These are some of the things (hopefully) modeled in therapy that should be expected elsewhere. Teaching you too how to care for/ about yourself, and build your self-worth so that you can give and receive and live in safety and with a sense of safety your heart believes (subjective), as well as your mind (objective) ].
I know too that @recoveringfromptsd made a similar thread about not feeling safe anywhere, and I believe she is doing better. Remember still that it is a 'feeling', often ramped up by hypervigilance and/or anxiety, and there is a difference between feeling unsafe with justifiable cause, and simply feeling unsafe.
I hope you can pause and know that as you explore (and overcome, because I believe you can and will, with time) this issue, you will be kind and patient with yourself. Hugs to you.
I do relate to what you're saying, perhaps differently as more from neglect than all being abusive (as a child), as all (for me) were not.
I wrote this in another post today, by chance: ".. our (severly abused) dog came named from the shelter as Shadow. But she became secure or safe or confident enough to come out in to her own light." And I think this may be more where the issue can be approached; I think after years (for me), trust or lack of trust is simply the symptom (but not congruent entirely). I think the issue (again, just speaking from my experience) is attachment. So, like food for example, most people see it as a good thing, not a painful thing, or a frightening thing. So they look forward to dinners; they fear doing without. But food is also necessary in some form, and there are good and better and bad choices. But if food was withheld or you associate it with abuse, food has other loaded fears and messages.
Attachment can be learned, and it does take exposure. But I think what is critical is in the process choosing very carefully. You have also made good decisions to acknowledge red flags and extricate. But it might help also to make sure you are not subconciously or unconsciously giving time or trust to people who will hurt you, to avoid actually having to experience the fearful process of attaching. [ ETA, there could have been neglect, abuse, enmeshment. What is also necessary is good boundaries, respect, genuineness. These are some of the things (hopefully) modeled in therapy that should be expected elsewhere. Teaching you too how to care for/ about yourself, and build your self-worth so that you can give and receive and live in safety and with a sense of safety your heart believes (subjective), as well as your mind (objective) ].
I know too that @recoveringfromptsd made a similar thread about not feeling safe anywhere, and I believe she is doing better. Remember still that it is a 'feeling', often ramped up by hypervigilance and/or anxiety, and there is a difference between feeling unsafe with justifiable cause, and simply feeling unsafe.
I hope you can pause and know that as you explore (and overcome, because I believe you can and will, with time) this issue, you will be kind and patient with yourself. Hugs to you.
Last edited: