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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

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A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
 
Square Testicles



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'

The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you
$25,000 that your testicles are square.'

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly,' replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that
There was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants , etc., so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !'
 
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The MEN won.

Hope you don't mind! I only changed one little word. LOL

ROFL

ISH
 
Hmmmm, and I saw Nicolette comment elsewhere that Anthony is married to the computer. hmmmmmmmm. Don't ask, Don't tell.

ROFL

KIDDING, I'm just KIDDING!!! :D

ROFL
 
In regards to that computer one I refuse to comment because I know the truth and it may upset some people. I do like the parrot joke though. My mother e-mailed that one to me.
 
These were on some Christmas gift mugs.

A fisherman does not grow old. His tackle just wears out.

A rugby player does not grow old. He just get odd shaped balls.

A golfer does not grow old. He just looses his balls.

A footballer does not grow old. He just looses the urge to shoot.
 
I’m not sure if this one has already been posted because it’s quite a long thread, so if I’m repeating it, I apologise....

Once upon a time a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding, their life together was of course perfect!

One snowy, stormy Christmas eve, this perfect couple were driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone on the side of the road in distress, being the perfect couple they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint the children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into the car.

Unfortunately the driving conditions were bad and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived, the question is. Which one?....

The perfect woman survived, obviously, because she is the only one who ever really existed in the first place, everyone knows there is no such thing as Santa Claus or the perfect man.

WOMEN: stop reading it’s the end of the joke........MEN carry on reading......

So if there is no perfect man or no Santa Claus the woman must have been driving (oh dear, don’t shoot me down I didn’t write the joke ok).... Men carry on reading......

oh and by the way if you are a woman and you are reading this, it illustrates another point, women never listen (ooooooh!)
 
I’m not sure if this one has already been posted because it’s quite a long thread, so if I’m repeating it, I apologise....

Once upon a time a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding, their life together was of course perfect!

One snowy, stormy Christmas eve, this perfect couple were driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone on the side of the road in distress, being the perfect couple they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint the children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into the car.

Unfortunately the driving conditions were bad and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived, the question is. Which one?....

The perfect woman survived, obviously, because she is the only one who ever really existed in the first place, everyone knows there is no such thing as Santa Claus or the perfect man.

WOMEN: stop reading it’s the end of the joke........MEN carry on reading......

So if there is no perfect man or no Santa Claus the woman must have been driving (oh dear, don’t shoot me down I didn’t write the joke ok).... Men carry on reading......

oh and by the way if you are a woman and you are reading this, it illustrates another point, women never listen (ooooooh!)

Hmmmm, Thinking of a resonse that won't result in me being drawn and quartered. :D
 
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