whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
Mostly here to vent. I am really struggling right now. I've lost interest in everything and just really want this life to be over.
I got a new job in August, which I was very happy about. After no employment for a year and a half, it felt good to get this job doing something I knew I could do. The pay was much better than the last job, and it is with a very well-known, global corporation.
This company treats its employees very well. Everybody is important, everybody is listened to, everyone is considered an expert at what they do. We started out at 2 days a week onsite and the rest remote, because of COVID. There is both a mask and vaccination requirement to be onsite. They are super strict about who can enter the building. This week we went to being onsite 3 days a week.
It takes me 1 1/2 hours to get to work, the same to come home. Sometimes 2 hours. Normally, it wouldn't take that long, but the primary bridge over the river is down to two lanes (and will be for a while). When I get to work, I don't sit in the same room with my department, every single meeting we have is online (at our desks), and even my training is online. I never see my manager; we chat online or sometimes have video calls (without the camera). There's nothing I do at work I can't do at home. In fact, it's quieter at home, so easier to get stuff done.
And it's way less stressful. At my last job I had daily headaches. They stopped after I quit and was at home all the time. They are back. Along with sciatica and some other pain issues. I'm gone almost 12 hours a day, today from dark to dark, don't have enough light to walk after I get home, am away from my cats, have to get up at 6am - and I have always been a night owl - and have lost interest in everything. I want to drop my courses, don't want to volunteer anymore, don't care to write, etc...If I could go to bed when I got home and sleep through till morning I would. I don't want to be awake; I don't want to be alive anymore.
I feel so bad. The remote vs onsite issue is a problem for more than just me, but it is killing me.
I can't quit (although I am afraid I may just up and leave one of these days; I'm crying all the way in, most of the day, and at night before I go to bed).They have a flex program I could apply for, but I've only been there two months, and I don't want to ask for special favors so soon. I'm terrified of the winter, though, because it will double the travel time.
Every waking moment has become a heavy burden.
Really just here to vent. I'm so sad and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.
I got a new job in August, which I was very happy about. After no employment for a year and a half, it felt good to get this job doing something I knew I could do. The pay was much better than the last job, and it is with a very well-known, global corporation.
This company treats its employees very well. Everybody is important, everybody is listened to, everyone is considered an expert at what they do. We started out at 2 days a week onsite and the rest remote, because of COVID. There is both a mask and vaccination requirement to be onsite. They are super strict about who can enter the building. This week we went to being onsite 3 days a week.
It takes me 1 1/2 hours to get to work, the same to come home. Sometimes 2 hours. Normally, it wouldn't take that long, but the primary bridge over the river is down to two lanes (and will be for a while). When I get to work, I don't sit in the same room with my department, every single meeting we have is online (at our desks), and even my training is online. I never see my manager; we chat online or sometimes have video calls (without the camera). There's nothing I do at work I can't do at home. In fact, it's quieter at home, so easier to get stuff done.
And it's way less stressful. At my last job I had daily headaches. They stopped after I quit and was at home all the time. They are back. Along with sciatica and some other pain issues. I'm gone almost 12 hours a day, today from dark to dark, don't have enough light to walk after I get home, am away from my cats, have to get up at 6am - and I have always been a night owl - and have lost interest in everything. I want to drop my courses, don't want to volunteer anymore, don't care to write, etc...If I could go to bed when I got home and sleep through till morning I would. I don't want to be awake; I don't want to be alive anymore.
I feel so bad. The remote vs onsite issue is a problem for more than just me, but it is killing me.
I can't quit (although I am afraid I may just up and leave one of these days; I'm crying all the way in, most of the day, and at night before I go to bed).They have a flex program I could apply for, but I've only been there two months, and I don't want to ask for special favors so soon. I'm terrified of the winter, though, because it will double the travel time.
Every waking moment has become a heavy burden.
Really just here to vent. I'm so sad and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.